The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

I understand that worry @Mulberry974 I think it's a natural worry. But I also agree with @mildlymiffed and @sirching

We all don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, never mind what will happen In years to come. I know we say it a lot, and it's often hard to do. But we all must enjoy what we have now. Sometimes we get caught up in worrying about the future we forget to enjoy the now.

And I've also known people be stuck in unhappy relationships because they are worried about being alone. I know which I would rather be - alone and happy.

And if all fails I'll make a deal with you, I'll come and be your old buddy haha.

Ditto here. REALLY hoping I find one or more people that would be happy to share living arrangements in the future. Or lodgers. Or just not ever let my two lovely DDs move out?

Echo what pp said about friends. I have some friends locally but they don’t seem to remember that I’m on my own, they have their close friendships and I’m just in the cusp. The times it really cuts deep is when people announce they’re all off on holidays or weekend breaks or spa trips together. Must admit, that hurts. Am also a bit 😐 today.

I’m extrovert- crave company and conversation. Life physical contact and like sex very much. How the heck did I get here? Sigh

Sympathy 're the house. Sometimes we just want someone else to take over and sort stuff out. Future worried me as well but I think society is changing and how we love may also change. Chin up all.
Have a good Thursday. 👍

Hello, can I join please!

Just spent the last 3 and half years wasting my time with a man who messed me about.

There was never anyone else on either side, he just had lots of excuses, would make comments like "one day if we live together.." when he had no intention of any such thing and had lots of issues.

After lots of on/off for months, my tears, my chasing, my suffering whilst he just carried on, it's done. And I don't think I want a man again.

His excuse this time; "I'm scared of loving you because I want to fulfill my dreams and aspirations and I can't have both."

His dreams are fine, he wants to build a tiny house and watches people on YouTube constantly who have built them. The thing is, he's in dept, he lives every month in his overdraft, he has no realistic plan to actually earn a living whilst building this tiny house and he is on about borrowing more money to build it. Oh and he can't possibly love me or have a relationship because he can't do both. He quite literally said "it's not you, it's me."

😂 what a twat. Of course it is! As if you needed the reassurance 😂 Welcome to the club!
A rainy cold and windy day here again. I just took the dog out for a bit, now she’s eating her biscuits, when she’s finished making a mess I’ll hoover for the 3rd time today.
I need to clean the house, I have a small basket for ironing, I need to change the bedding. I quite fancy some new bedding, mine is all white and after a few years it loses it’s brilliancy.
But yes, lazy day here, I’ve lit a candle, I bought the local paper, made a fresh coffee. My exP was quite sweet yesterday dropping me a huge bar of my favourite chocolate because he happened to be in the shop that stocks them. I’m taking it face value and choose not to look at any meaning behind his gesture. FYI there is no way in hell I’d have him back.
Any plans for the weekend?
I’m doing park run on Saturday and stopping for coffee with everybody afterwards for a catch up. I signed up for some races, out of my comfort zone, so I’ll pick their brains for a bit.
In the evening I’m going out for drinks with a meet up group I just joined.
Sunday mornings I have my little ritual if I’m not at work: body pump and a sauna, I’ll go for lunch in town with the dog, swing by the art gallery. I’ve got some really nice local pieces, quite affordable really, from this gallery.
Then DD comes back from her dad and we start the merry go round that’s living with a teenage DD.

Thanks for the messages, I was in a low mood yesterday but feeling a lot more positive today. I know that lots can happen in the next 20 or 30 years, sometimes I just act as if the world is ending when I'm just having a rubbish day or two.

I'm really not sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert, perhaps I'm both. If I don't get time alone I find everything overwhelming, but if I don't get enough time with other people I find it difficult too and start thinking I'll end my days being eaten by Alsatians. I think the ideal is living alone but having lots of social things planned!

Welcome to the group @Vintagehearts it sounds as if you are far better off without him!

@Vintagehearts Welcome! Your ex sounds like a total knob. Does he think tiny houses can only be made for one person? It is DEFINITELY him. I would put money on that tiny house never being built. It sounds like he is looking for someone to blame for his own inaction and lack of moving forward.

You have dodged a man sized bullet with that one. It sucks when you first break up, even if they are wankers, just because parts of them are good and it's such a big change without them. But I honestly think that sometimes, it's not love, it's Stockholm Syndrome! You will be fine

@ BuddhaAtSea Rainy and crap here too today. It sounds like you have a lovely weekend planned. I love buying original art from little galleries. It feels so special to have something unique.

I am off to take DD clothes shopping today (groan) and then having a quiet weekend pottering. I have lots of stuff I want to sort through and feeling motivated to do it. Am also meant to be going to a new meet up group on Saturday night but that depends on if I can be arsed at the time

@Mulberry974 So glad you are feeling better. You sound very like me in your feelings about socialising. You won't end up eaten by alsations, because if the worst comes to the worst, you can move into my spare room, and then we will both be eaten by cats!

And I shall build an extension for @Upyerbum70 and @mildlymiffed and whoever else wants to come, and we can have a commune called "The Happy Singleton". Coupled up women who are stuck with fellas, moaning about their ailments and doing useless projects in sheds, will turn up at our door seeking refuge and we shall provide respite (and a place to hire the body). So noone is ending up alone!

Hide the body, not hire it......not much of a market for useless dead men.

@SirChing I love the idea of the commune!

I've just read a book about women in Hungary using arsenic to get rid of their awful husbands, maybe we can get some tips

I come bearing for SirChing - chocolate, of course.

I'm so pleased to see this thread going strong - I've recommended it on several other threads for posters who think being a happy singleton is impossible or who are scared to break up their relationships.

I think we always assume, if the man in our life is a neanderthal that they are in the minority and there is a majority of good and decent men out there; you just got unlucky. I'm now of the opinion the reverse is true - that the good ones are in a minority. It's a bit depressing.

I loved the princess and frog story - going to take a copy of that if that's ok.

Hope the FB group is going well.

@Silverysurfer I feel a bit the same. I always felt that on the whole men were decent and there were a few dodgy ones about. If my ex-husband (who is a pretty mild mannered person who wasn't a flirt) could cheat and lie, then any man could do the same. I read the relationships board here and think that being single is completely the best option for me.

Do you have any gluten free going?

@SirChing yes you're right, he is a serial procrastinator so will use any excuse why he can't "commit" to me.

I have two dc (not his) whom are young teens, I own my own house and have a steady job. Whereas he is "in and out" of self employment as a maintenance guy, in debt, renting, has child eow as they live 50 miles away. What always drew me back was "he is a nice guy," which on the whole he is and if he put his mind to it he could actually have a successful business because he is a talented carpenter. But he uses everything as an excuse for his inaction and in part, laziness, such as "I'm doing paperwork" (he didn't do paperwork and was always in a mess with his Bill's and finances.) Or "I'm doing research," which was watching people build tiny houses on YouTube. He didn't want to live in a tiny house, he wanted to build one to sell.

Or it was his stress/mental health/busyness/phone calls to make/washing to do. Yet he always got sod all done and found lots of time to scout round charity shops buying crap stuff that is "worth" something. As a result his place is cluttered.

That felt good getting that off my chest. He wasn't abusive as such, he was just frustrating as hell.

Hi All,
Please Can I join you. I am currently trying to embrace my singledom after ending a two years relationship. I met my recent ex a year after my 16year marriage breakdown. I don't believe I was ready or in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship. However, he kept on pushing for the relationship and moving things forward too fast and I didn't say no because I was too scared to be alone.
Now in hind sight I have realised that I let the relationship carry on for far longer even though I knew it was not going anywhere. I guess I was afraid to be alone for many reasons related to childhood abandonment and trauma. I am kicking myself for not walking away sooner since my ex was not kind to my children the very few times he met them. Instead I kept seeing him on my child free days. I am embarrassed to say he wasn't even that kind to me. We eventually split up last November because I refused to move in together to protect my children.
I have learned so much about myself already in the few months since the split. You MNs have been an inspiration to me, thank you so so much. I now want to be happy being single and focused my time and energy on bringing up my children, developing my career and building my social network.

@Mulberry974 That book sounds excellent. Hope you are making notes, we might need the advice on the commune. We could maybe bury the bodies in raised beds?

@SilverySurfer Oooh thanks for the case. You know me too well with the chocolate I agree that the good blokes are a minority. The rest are pretty much just penises with feet! Glad you like the princess and the frog story. I sent it to my FWB and he said it pretty much encapsulates me and my attitude. I felt proud The FB site is still going but has gone quiet. I think people have run out of stuff to say

I totally agree with you @Mulberry974. I honestly think that very few men are faithful. In some ways, I would prefer a bloke was honest about it and promised to be careful re STIs and avoid emotional entanglements. At least that's something most could probably stick to. Monogamy seems to involve men sticking their square pegs in lots of holes - they aren't suited to it. Maybe that's me being cynical, but I do think most men would cheat given the chance.

@Vintagehearts Blimey, he sounds like he couldn't have been abusive, not necessarily due to niceness, but because it would have taken too much effort and planning on his part Sounds like one of life's "gonnas". Always gonna do this or gonna do that, but actually end up nowhere.

You have so dodged a bullet. I bet in a couple of months you find him really unattractive as feelings fade and you see him more objectively. He sounds really immature.

OMG, is anybody watching The Split on BBC?
The dog and I have been cuddled up in bed watching it since lunch time. Oh, this is GOOD and will be so close to the bone to a lot of us!

Mulberry974 gluten free as requested.

I hadn't seen The Split - will catch up on iplayer - thanks Buddah

Hope it's going well with FWB SirChin Why, when I see those three letters, do I always think they mean Fuck Wit Buddy? Ridiculous but I can't stop.

Evening my lovelies! Wow! It's Thursday... I like Thursdays as it's nearly Friday and the weekend is nearly upon us. Full on week with house and work. Ready for the weekend. Hair cut this evening. Feeling a teensy bit fabulous to settle into my stir fry for one!

@BuddhaAtSea hell yes to the split! Finished it last night. I was teary. Was exceptionally close to home... but amazingly cathartic. I have got serious work attire envy though. Need to up my corporate look!

@sirching let me know the rent and I'm there! Don't need a massive room, but a little en-suite would be appreciated as often need a nighttime wee, and don't like wandering about!

@Maturewine78 & @Vintagehearts willkommen, bienvenue, welcome! (haircut has made me go a bit "cabaret"... apologies!). So good to have you here. As for the fellas- they both sound like twassocks. However @Vintagehearts , your story resonated. My exboyf was jobless on and off during our year and half relationship and the lack of drive and motivation killed me. Just wish he had done something other than turn into the sleepy (rotund) walrus that he did. Was so terribly dull listen to him hard on about what he was going to do... when he never effing did it!

@BuddhaAtSea which series next?! Tell me and I shall start another 🙂

@buddhaatsea - thought I'd also let you know that I went for a run during my lunch break... and it was great. Driving rain, but my hot shower and then soup lunch afterwards felt great. Lucky to work somewhere with good facilities too! I'm not at your level yet by the sound of things, but determined to nip at your heels! (Stupidly competitive!!)

Welcome all newbies. I'm new myself but loving this thread.

Oh I didn't realise the split was back for a second series. I loved the first, I'm going to watch now.

I'm in the process of decorating my house. I had work done last year and the plan was to decorate it all. I got two rooms done, got involved with a man and it got put back. So I've finally started again and I'm almost finished my kitchen. So that's my plan for the next few weeks. One room at a time.

Love that you feeling fabulous @mildlymiffed nothing better than a bit of pampering to help with that

On the men front, I've really seen the awful side to them over the past year. I didn't even know what a narc was until a year ago. And then I realised I'd been involved with one. Then all the men I met last year all lied about being separated. Unbelievable since, 3 of them were on dating sites. The last one I even changed the way I asked by saying 'ok you say you are single, but can I ask. Is there ANYONE who thinks they are in a relationship/situation with you?' His response no absolutely not. I stopped it because something wasn't sitting right with me. Found out after he's still with the mother of his kids.

Hence why I'm taking time out, whilst I've being able to stop things early on those. My trust in men has completely gone. But like a few of you have mentioned. I do worry about loneliness my son is 21 now and will be moving out this year. But I just try and keep focussed on the now and my cruise next year 😉

@lifegoes .... sorry to hear that men have let you down. I went on a date once with a bloke who definitely was... think it was the "don't call me at evenings and weekends" which gave it away. What a twit. But nonetheless this shit hurts. And it erodes your confidence in the male species. I hate to say it, not that our male singleton has stuck around on this board, but I can't imagine the same volume of women acting so terribly... I'm not saying there aren't some. But the number of blokes seems to be 10 a penny.

I need your decorating tips missus! Is it painting you're doing. I need to paint a couple of walls and fill some holes that have been left from moving radiators...! Never done this before... and diy course is a little way away. Might watch YouTube for some inspiration!

Hi all. I lived the split and finished it last night. I feel seriously scruffy now though!

I'm away in London for the night with the dc and I'm so bloody proud of myself for doing it alone. They're only 5 and 8 so it's been tiring - but I can do it! I'm so grateful to have a good life and that's enough for me, with or without a man.

For now....

Lived the split?! Well, that too but I meant loved... 😂

Oh @Misty9 that sounds wonderful. You should be proud of yourself. Things like are big steps. I'm proud of you. Have a fab time

Yeah I agree with you @mildlymiffed I know it happens. But I never hear many stories of women in relationships and just going on dating sites or social media to find men. Its always men. I am happy now tho, I'm really find my feet again and I'm sure the optimist in me (regarding men) will return.

I'm painting the rooms I can right now. I love painting I find it very therapeutic, ha I don't have any tips as such. I just whack it on the walls with a roller. 😂 But for cutting in I buy children's paint brushes. Sounds silly but they are cheaper for a pack and great at getting right in the points.
I have to paper other rooms and I'm dreading it, I'm awful at it. But I'm determined to do it all myself. Someone told me the paste the walls stuff easier 🤷🏻‍♀️ but like you I'm going to watch YouTube.

I love looking at Pinterest for colour ideas and ideas.

@Maturewine78 Welcome! I somehow missed your post earlier, sorry! Your life sounds like a mirror of mine up until 6 months ago. Divorce then one year with a pushy bloke who was mean to children. I was so clearly on the rebound, looking back. So glad to be alone now. Glad you are too and that you found us

@BuddhaAtSea Oooh The Split sounds good. That's my weekends viewing sorted!

@SilverySurfer It is going well with FWB thanks (my brain just said "Fuck Wit Buddy" to itself as I typed that ). I was propositioned by my very hot and sexy neighbour up the road, and much as it took all my willpower, I declined. He is a total shagger who has had therapy for sex addiction, and he has said if it doesn't work out with FWB then let him know. Sadly, as I am not a fan of catching galloping fanny rot, I will continue to pass him up. I shall just drool everywhere when I see him

@mildlymiffed Hope the hair is fab! Good on your for running at lunchtime, I am dead impressed! I really want to get active again but I have been so ill for so long, that just shopping for a couple of hours makes me need a sleep afterwards. But I do have physio planned and hope to build up stamina, then it's the gym and Pilates for me.

@lifegoes I am so impressed at your decorating. I generally pay someone to do it. I want do redecorate but need some ideas.

If anyone on the FB group would stick pics up of their decorating, I would be so grateful. It's The Happy Singleton if anyone wants to join that hasn't.

@Misty9 I am super impressed at you taking the children to London on your own. I don't feel quite confident enough to do that ATM, so I bow down to your bravery.

You know what, all? The women on this thread ROCK. I am proud to have "met" you all, and I can't imagine ANY thread with coupled up women on being so positive