The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

So today has been a bit of an epiphany for me... I'm recently back from holiday with my ex. We decided to remain friends 12mths ago after I discovered him trying to tap up other women for sex... I won't say the last 12mths has been easy, we run a small business together and spend time in each others houses.. And the effort of maintaining a friendship has been difficult sometimes..
My ex is flying out to spend 2 weeks with an old friend on Saturday, and I'd wondered how I might feel as this got closer.. And you know what? I'm slightly jealous it's not me heading off to sunnier climes but apart from that? Nothing... In fact I'd go so far as to say I hope he has a great time :)
I was single for about 14yrs before I met him, and to be honest, I can't see me wanting to dip my toe in the dating website anytime soon, and I feel more relaxed about that than I've ever been

@starbucksqueen wow! You seem really together which is amazing. I still feel like I'm yo-yo-ing because of loneliness. I realise it's a state of mind. I feel that I'm leaning on my friends too heavily. I've had a few issues with my new house that I need support with. My parents are thousands of miles away, and are not very family orientated anyway. I'm spending money hand over fist... and I think it's that is making me feel a bit down and lonely.

However, like you I really don't want to dip my toe into OLD. I still feel too fragile to battle off the predators on there. I think it's too soon after my last relationship. And to be honest, I am kinder to myself then many of those blokes would be! Not sure I can take more misery generated from heartache. Which may sound bizarre when I've been the one to break off the last relationships. But, I've invested in them- and had expectations... and they've been dashed!

No, for now at least- single is stronger 💪🏻

I think I did all my emotional upset in the relationships I had before my long period of singledom. That time was when it was just me and my then 8yr old. My parents weren't close by and DS's dad had emigrated to Oz, so there was no maintainence and much as my parents wanted to help with childcare, the distance made it difficult... But we muddled through :)
The ending of this relationship was easier in a lot of ways... No linked finances - other than our small business, and we made a conscious decision to keep that going, no kids together, and no houses to buy/sell... I couldn't try again with someone I didn't trust, but thought there was a chance we could be friends. It's working right now, but im sure the dynamics will change if he meets someone who he might want to settle down with... But that's his stuff to deal with... My DS is now 25 and doing his own thing, so I'm just making sure I'm doing what makes me happy...
Never say never on the relationship front, but I do think there's more chance of a substantial lottery win :)!!!

How is everyone planning to spend Valentine's. Me I plan to spend it with my one true love. 🐕

I’ve got the day off on Valentines and am going to IKEA with my parents to get some bits to give my flat a makeover. My mum is really excited as she’s never been before .

On another note I did take the plunge and went to the cinema after work today on my own and it wasn’t scary, no one batted an eyelid that I wasn’t with anyone and I had a couple of hours off from reality which I needed. I’ll definitely be going again

Solo cinema trips are like therapy!! Good on you!

Hello again everyone. It’s been a month or so since I posted (near the start of this thread) - still happily single, and no plans to change that. It defo gets better over time. So glad I have my pets - even on days with shit weather like today I need to take my dog out and walk. I am also redecorating my house just the way I like it - sooo therapeutic.

@mildlymiffed no, you'd be correct in suggesting caution wrt the men... And I can really relate to what you wrote about yo-yo'ing with loneliness. Today is a down day as, after a good day at work, there's no one at home to share it with and I'm feeling the loneliness. But I'm resisting jumping into something just to avoid this feeling. I have amazing friends but also worry about leaning on them too much. Its hard sometimes, being on your own.

I think I’ve discovered the holy grail: whenever I have a wobble, I just exercise.
I’m at that stage where I am finding my own rhythm and I haven’t got a structure/ routine yet. The one thing that I find grounds me is exercise.
I was off this morning and after taking the dog for a walk first thing, we both came back to bed, me with coffee, she snuggled up to me. Then I had my pedicure done, a Pilates class, a few hours at work.
Came back and I saw my ex, I am at the angry stage with him, so I jumped in the car and joined whatever exercise class was on at the leisure centre. I’m feeling so much better for it!

I agree with the exercise post.

It’s 2 weeks since Mr Jewish dumped me. He was the last of a busy year of OLD and I spoke with some shockers. First bloke I met admitted he didn’t have a penny to grab a coffee. I bought the coffees then made an early exit .

I thought 4 really lovely months of Mr Jewish was finally the turning point - but am constantly surprised at people’s behaviour. Single again. It’s shitty.

I’ve had full on dental surgery last week and I’m struggling with the swelling and pain . It’s hard just having to get on with it with no one asking after you.

Valentine’s Day is also pay day so me and my two DDs will have a Chinese. I’ve also booked us a holiday in the sun later this year . I’ll be 50 snd I’ll be damned if I’m not having some sun. Least I’m in charge of the pennies.

I won’t be going back onto OLD. It’s demoralising.

Hi everyone!

Well done on the cinema @Olive122! I knew you would love it. Sadly, there is absolutely NOTHING on this weekend which i want to see. So my solo trip will have to wait a couple of weeks. A good bit about being single is not being dragged to stuff I have zero interest in.

For whoever it was who said their friend told them to work it out due to age and not meeting anyone else - your mate has pretty much just said about herself "Aaaargh I would rather be with a bad choice than alone. I am so desperate that I will accept a shit relationship because on my own I am not enough". That's really sad!

Sure, all of us who are single get lonely sometimes BUT can everyone honestly say that they were never lonely in a relationship that was wrong for them? It's great having people to offload to, but less great when the person you have told either reacts selfishly, denies your issue, wants you to be their mum, has NO good idea etc.

If we had all got the emotional support we needed from our relationships, I doubt that many of us would be single. As it is, I whine about stuff to my family and friends, and the cat is a surprisingly good listener. None of them expect "rewarding" for their support. They don't bring it back to how it affects them either.

My next-door-but-one neighbour is a hot single bloke (too young for me though). We have spent the past few nights discussing on Facebook the advantages of being single. Being able to chat to mates online whilst starfishing alone in bed is a very good one we identified. Still working on getting him to put my bins out for me

Valentine's Day may be a bit sad, but better one day of sadness than the rest if the year "settling" for some dickhead.

I have also decided that if I ever do date again, I may try dating women. They are much nicer in general. Sadly, I fancy men more, but you never know?

@Upyerbum70 Oh no, Hope the mouth feels better soon. Clove oil is meant to work wonders for sore teeth. Good On you for booking a holiday. Where are you going? I am with you on the budgeting, it's bliss to be in charge. I was never bothered about being with someone loaded, but it was draining being with someone that I had to pay for for everything I wanted to do. No thanks!

@BuddhaAtSea That's a great idea! A really productive way to burn off anger etc. What type of exercise would you recommend to someone with fibromyalgia who can't walk far but want to build core strength. I am totally reconditioned after spending the past three years on and off in bed!

*deconditioned not reconditioned!

@StarbucksQueen you are rocking this being single malarkey! So glad you have reached a point of indifference with your ex - that's the true opposite of love - just not caring what they do.

@mildlymiffed and @misty9 - anytime you (or anyone) feels low, feel free to PM me here or on Facebook. I am quite happy to provide a listening ear for you to vent as needed, or give you a clip round the earhole if that's what you feel would be better. It IS hard when coupled up friends dont get it. So, I think we should be those single friends that DO get it, to each other. I am in and I bet others would be too. Sending hugs and care

@memgee welcome!

@misty9 you will never be kicked out of the group, lovely. It's like the mafia - easy to join and hard to leave (but without the horses head in the bed, obviously )

And I am waving to everyone I have missed. Sorry! Fibro is making my hands hurt so hard to type today. The offer of chats on here and in FB is open to all though. I have been helped so much by people here and it's a bit of a privilege to return the favour

PS Valentine's Day is a load of bollocks so I shall be taking DD to the cinema (INSET day) and getting a takeaway. Or going out for tea. I refuse to not have a nice evening just because of the date. VD was always shite even in a relationship - I hate enforced romance. Bleurgh!

@sirching we are off to Tunisia. Just a week but boy, are we excited!

I’m on antibiotics and painkillers for my teeth. Had dental implants inserted which is not for the faint hearted.

Do you think you could try Pilates? A friend of mine has the same condition and struggles with exercise. Perhaps short YouTube vids?

Hello, I think I belong in this club at least for now! I left my husband 5 months ago and the idea of getting involved with anyone else makes my toes curl (in a bad way). My three year old and I have a very nice life together in a cute flat that I keep nice and tidy and arranged just so. The only downside really is the ex, and the lack of time to do stuff like personal admin and exercise. I am actually really happy every evening after I get everything tidied away and get into bed with my lovely warm water bottle.

@Upyerbum70 Oooh Fab. It's meant to be a beautiful country with amazing history. Let me know what it's like when you get back. I fancy going there one year.

Ouch fucking ouch! Dental implants sound agony. I bet there is lots of potential for infection with them going into the bone. Ouch! Please look after yourself. Lots of rest and fluids. Nurse Chings orders!

Pilates is a great idea. I could look on you tube. I am so scared of doing something then not being able to move the next day. Poor DD has been staying at my mums while I have had this flair up. I just want to be well and up! But I think you have it worse with mouth pain. Poor love. The consultants I used to work with always prescribed wine for toothache. On the basis that your mouth would still hurt but you would be too pissed to give a shit 😂 Actually, that was for all pain......they were a waste of med school really!

@dellacucina welcome! I love the name. What does it mean?

If any newbies want to join our Facebook group, it's The Happy Singleton. I shall let you in if you ask to join. Ladies only after a pervert glommed onto the group - Bleurgh!

Thanks! It means 'of the kitchen'

I will consider the Facebook group, but I'm still Fb friends with the ex and he still maintains hope we will reunite

@dellacucina - fab name! Wonder what the Italian is for "the defroster"?

Is your ex being deluded about getting back together? It's sad when they just don't get it. I remember saying to my most recent ex "I appreciate that you feel the way that you feel. Sadly, it isn't only about what you want. You can want to be with me all you want. But it won't be reciprocated. Please respect that or it will be hard to even remain friends". He didn't respect it. He is now blocked. Sigh!

Hello I would like to join! Single and very happy about it! It is just bliss, I especially like bedtime electric blanket on at mo which is sooo good and helping sciatica so much, cosy reading or watching tv or just generally looking after myself is just wonderful. Even though I’m ofcourse very busy with 5 month old 2.5 yr old 11 yr old and 14 yr old everything has actually been easier, happier and simpler less stressful since becoming single 10months ago. And this is how I plan to stay!

@sirching thank you for your kind advice. I’m ok with eating mush 🤣

I’m Not on FB as I don’t want to see what’s going on in other people’s lives tbh. I’ll lurk here as it’s nice and uplifting to read other positive experiences of being single.

I keep meaning to catch up with the R4 programme about loneliness, think it was Women’s Hour yesterday. I definitely think
I’ll be one of those old ladies that’s found dead and my cat will have eaten my face! (Not my dental implants hopefully)

Oh and my Valentine’s Day evening will mainly be bath, pjs, movies, popcorn, chocolates, face masks, manicures with my daughter

@mumra84 welcome! Your username reminds me of she-ra! Now that girl had attitude and wouldn't have stood any grief from pervy Facebook invaders, or wayward (alcoholic) exes!

It's cold isn't it?! All the chat of hot water bottles and electric blankets has made me crave something snuffly!!!

Instead I have a bathroom leak which I'm contending with. No shower here. Bath works fine luckily. Have a handsome plumber (sounds like an 80s porn joke!) coming round tomorrow- so hoping he can sort. My new little Victorian pad is cute- but I have a suspicion it's going to be a money pit.

My other dilemma is with my mate. I have one lovely male mate- who apparently has booked us a table in a restaurant as a surprise on Saturday. This is a treat apparently given that my house is giving me grief. I have had to send him a mega awkward text stating that it ("terribly, awfully sorry- sure you don't think this but just confirming!!!") isn't a date. I love the guy to bits- but mates is all it is! Certainly from my side. He has confirmed it is just dinner, but I seem to give off wrong signals, and would hate to string him along- naively on my part!

@mildlymiffed he sounds a very lovely friend to have, hope you have a lovely meal.

Most houses are money pits so you might as well have a beautiful sounding Victorian one! My plumber is female . But my roofer...😉