The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@Olive122 sad that it's over but I'm sure there were a myriad of reasons 🙁. When you're feeling brave take a look at Meetup online. It's where you can meet like minded people to do activities. It isn't dating! I joined a few walking groups on there. I really like it... everyone is in the same boat of being a stranger!

I've been doing house stuff again. Novelty factor is now wearing thin. My backaches a bit! And I'm haemorrhaging cash. Today has been clothes moving day. I don't have enough space. My house is built for minimalists!!!

@mildlymiffed I’ve done a lot of thinking and I think I’m ‘grieving’ for the relationship we had for the first few years, which was amazing, but that’s not the same kind of relationship we had recently and I need to accept it had run its course.

I’m going to try and make some decor changes to my flat, I need a little project but am definitely on a budget now I’m solely responsible for all the bills!

I’ll check out the Meet-up site and hopefully pluck up the courage to go along to something. I had looked at it ages ago but worried everyone would be regulars and know each other (stupid I know ).

Just wanted to send to you @Olive122 learning to do things on your own can take a bit of strength, going to the cinema is a great thing to do on your own, no one else notices or cares I find as you're all in the dark together and I first went on an afternoon off, it felt so decadent! As you say, its baby steps. :-)

Thanks @mulberry974 it’s a little achievable goal for me. Maybe I’ll even go this week, the new Harley Quinn film looks like it could be a good one to cheer me up.

Tell you what @Olive122 if you go this week, I will go next Saturday when I am child free. Deal? I did it once years ago. Went to see a horror like a pillock and nearly shat myself on my own 😁

Oops, it's me, SirChing in disguise. Don't laugh at my moustache, that's natural not part of my costume!

It’s so refreshing to read comments from women just like me, who are single and happy to be so! I’ve been single for 12 years (bar a few disastrous dates back in 2011) and I feel so much happier than at any time previous. My relationship track record isn’t great, and as a result my mental health suffered. I was in a self-perpetuating loop of abuse - mental and physical - and I was what can be referred to as a “wanker-magnet”. Being on my own with my son has been the best 12 years of my life and I’ve genuinely never been happier. There are times when I think it would be nice to find someone, but the thought of sharing my bed with a man again fills me with dread!

@MoralDilemma1234 it’s a deal! It definitely won’t be a horror I go to, but I will come back on here and let you know I’ve done it.

@Olive122 @sirching (in disguise!)... I'm also child free next weekend! I'll go to the cinema solo too!! If I can find somewhere showing it, I'd like to see the jojo rabbit film. But think I may have missed the boat!

@Phatnats74 Welcome! You sound so happy I don't mind the men in my bed.....its when they decide to go to sleep, or stay in my house longer than it takes to have sex, that's the problem

I have a very hot neighbour two doors down who I may try to lure in at some point

@Olive122 and @mildlymiffed brilliant! We are having a singles cinema night. Fab! Noone to nick my popcorn. That will make a bloody change

Have you plans for next Saturday @Phatnats74? We are off on solo cinema runs (or at Some point next week anyway!). I may go and see The Gentleman. Guy Ritchie stuff is always hilarious (apart from the one with Madonna in. I cringed myself into a spasm for that one!).

That's better! Disguise off and moustache plucked! I cant pull my hunky neighbour if I look like Chewbacca's sister

@mildlymiffed brilliant!

Apparently going to the cinema alone is classed as a form of mindfulness too.

@Olive122 oh yes! Mindful... I think I might be the least mindful person on the planet... more like a whirling tornado! So, being more mindful is a bonus!!!

Currently in IKEA with boy wonder scoffing meatballs. Today's agenda is a blanket box and two picture frames. Once again realise that I am living the dream!

@mildlymiffed I love IKEA sounds like a lovely day can’t wait to go and pick up some bits myself once all my ex’s stuff is gone and I can make my flat all cosy and girly again!

Single since around June 2017 when my son was around 3 months old. Had on off relationships since but nothing serious. I just enjoy being single. People ask if I ever get lonely on my own. I always say I'm alone, not lonely.

@olive122 came away with minimal damage. A very sweet plant for the bathroom, and the picture frame that we went for. Picked up a blanket box as well from market place so all in all a good day- despite the foul weather.

@memgee welcome! I have to admit that I do get lonely, and felt it a bit today, despite having my ds. I worry that I'm fast becoming someone who transmits at people in company, because I need someone to sound off to more often. Maybe I'll talk to the plant! Hope everyone has had a nice weekend?

Hi everyone

I am jumping in and out the thread as I can.

Phatnats, I think your post is exactly what I needed to read today.

I am waivering. I am less than 2 weeks post break up and i am battling. I didn't shed a single tear, until yesterday. Just a lot of things going on but the worst is that now I have no 'back up' person to talk to. Today hasn't been good either. I am quite sure he would like to make a go of things again, and i was pretty damn sure I didn't ( I had a thread about the whole damn saga, basics are that he is a bit more needy than I can cope with).

Now i have just told a friend about it and she has said, 'what, you really should try to work it out, you are nearly 50 and when will you meet someone else.'....

I don't know. Is that important? Do i need to have another person in my life because of my age and so that I am not lonely going forward. She has messed with my head. Argh. And it is definitely not a good day for head messing as its already pretty fucked up.

Talk some sense into me again please.

Why do I let people do this to me. I really just don't know,

Hi all. And welcome to new joiners. I've been up and down like a yoyo as usual but am moving towards feeling content as I am.

But. Does anyone else have this issue where encounters with men just keep sort of happening?! I resolve to stay single then find myself in situations 😂 usually with unsuitable men... So I've decided that happily single for me means I'm okay as I am on my own, but I'm also open to opportunities arising. But I'm not going looking for it on OLD or anything...

Will I be kicked out of the group?!

Morning all, not posted for a while.
I am nearly 2 years post break up. With a man I was never attracted to or loved, I know you are wondering why?? The relationship I had before that was so passionate, we broke up due to circumstances, and my heart was truly shatteredI vowed I would never be in that position again, hence being with a 'safe bet', who adored me but I couldn't commit due to not loving him, and finally ended the relationship. However, he's been in his new relationship for over a year now, so did he really adore me??? My trust of men is zero, he is a liar (I have proof) but he didn't break my heart.

I am much happier without him, though wouldn't describe myself as happy. I really fear being alone forever (late fifties now). Please please give me some positive thoughts on that perspective, I'm feeling a bit daunted by it of late.

Have a good day ladies, it's gale force winds dahn saff today

@Misty9 don't think there's any rules so you're okay in my book! But I would also say that you need to remember your worth. If the guys are unsuitable just think longer term about what will come from it all. If it's a fwb that's one thing... if it's a relationship with someone you're going to get bored of, or know they'll be twats to you, then perhaps recognise this and not get caught up in the first place!

Given that I know nothing about who the blokes are- feel free ignore me!

@isthismylifenow I just really needed to reply to you. I know what it feels like to feel so raw so soon after a break up, and I also noticed that people start to give you 'advice' that you really don't need or want.

My best friend gave me one bit of great advice soon after my marriage imploded, he said that people will be keen to give you advice but listen and be polite but don't take it all on. Even if they care for you, they are judging your situation by their own experience and bias, and what they say could be completely wrong for you. I had someone tell me I should get 'back on the horse' less than three weeks after my break up, another told me that I should change the locks of my house, another told me I couldn't stay single. Main priority right now is to look after yourself as well as possible.

I am so loving this thread.

I agree with what Mulberry974 wrote. Everyone gives advice based on their own perspective and only we can know ourselves what we really need. The important thing to remember is that the vast majority of the time people have the best of intentions.

I was inundated with advice when it all happened, most of which was kindly meant but often wrong for me.

I honestly think that some people are scared of the idea of single people, they can't cope with anything that isn't the usual 'couple with 2 children'. Families come in all shapes and sizes and not everyone is lucky to meet the right person and stay with them for 60 years.

Hear hear! I’m embracing a different reality now and so be it! It’s too draining to try to fit in or do what others expect. All we can ever do is our best.