The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@KitKatBox oh no, that sucks! I really hope that it's sorted soon. They don't make it easy do they?

@isthismylifenow welcome! It sounds like you have definitely done the right thing for you. It's so tempting to fall into a relationship or be pressured into one after a marriage ends. I did the same at the end of my marriage and he tried to move things on much faster than I wanted to. It's not good.

You have done so well getting your kids to where they are. Obviously they will always be your number one! Any bloke that doesn't appreciate that is an idiot! Your mate was brief but right. She could have actually spent time talking to you about it though! That does sound self absorbed of her. I hope you are feeling a bit better about it today

I also find that friends who are unsatisfactorily coupled up seem to find a happy singleton a bit too much to cope with. As if we are, somehow, accusing them of 'settling' as we wend our happy way into the single sunset.

I kind of envy those in couples who have someone to share the bills with though! Shelling out for Council Tax (even with the derisory 25% discount), electricity, water etc out of one pathetic wage doesn't leave much for having fun on...

But I am so happy to be in my own little space. Just me and the dog. And, hell, if the bills get a bit much we can live on beans for a while, with nobody moaning 'not this AGAIN...'

Sending good thoughts to all my fellow singletons. We've got this.

Zap - I am so lucky that most of my friends and certainly my 2 best friends, are also terminally single.
We all seem to have a zero redolence to bullshit and we have no problem being single.
Had a lovely weekend with them both.
But the bills are hard.
I'm moving in with my dad soon.
So I'll have loads of spare money!
Woohooo!

@Zaphodsotherhead I am with you with the bills! That and the expense of new housing stuff is a bit crippling! I'm on a decent wage, and get maintenance from the ex- and yet there is always a lot of month left at the end of the money.

@sirching re stocking up your freezer! This would be my dream. I'd love to start a little cooperative with other singletons where we share the cost of food. Feeding me and the boy is expensive especially given that we don't always want to eat the same thing (beans on toast- 😂) all the time.

I am becoming bolder at asking friends if I can borrow stuff. A spirit level, a clothes debobbler are recent requests! I am loathed to shell out stuff I will use once!

Happy Tuesday anyway to all you fabulous people.

I think the idea of a cooperative is a great one. Perhaps start an online one. Working at home today so will be able to do a couple of dog walks. Running club tonight

I also find that friends who are unsatisfactorily coupled up seem to find a happy singleton a bit too much to cope with

Agree with this. Lost a fair few coupled up friends when exh and I separated. And it was done so blatantly too, we did certain things together and they just stopped letting me know the arrangements and all toodled off without me. One of those couples child turned 21 and I only got invited the day before, definitely an after thought. I went, on my own, just to prove a point that I was not just sitting at home moping .

Strangely enough 2 of those couples have since divorced too. Funny who is there as their support system now, but they were not there for me at all. I think i went 2 years without any contact from them. Now they are feeling rather guilty. But I know why it happened. I think having one single woman there is threatening to them if they are not secure in their relationship. I just never expected it from them though. One of the other couples, do this day, have never spoken to me. Ex neither so its not like they took sides as they were my friends for yonks.

Such is life though.

@Accidentalaccountant I have wanted to see up a cooperative for ages. It makes no sense for everyone with a lawn to own a stroller when its needed so rarely. Same with hedge Clippers etc. I would definitely pay a yearly membership to be able to use those items when needed. Same with food. Ace to buy in bulk and split it.

@isthismylifenow that's really sad that they were like that with you. Call me petty but I domt think I could be there for them now, after treating you so badly. It's awful behaviour by them.

I would happily share the contents of my enormous freezer(s) with fellow singletons. I reckon I could eat from it every day for three months.

I am on a mission to stop shopping and start defrosting but I keep making more food for the freezer. e.g a big piece of roasting beef that XH would love - me not so much - chopped into tiny pieces made ten foil containers of chilli, each feeding two.

Who knows we could live quite close to someone else on this thread lives in hope.

Evening everyone! Oh yes- a cooperative would be handy... I've had to buy loads of annoying bits recently- ie a taller ladder so I can reach my lightbulbs!

@isthismylifenow I know what you mean. I have a group of girlfriends who are all married. They went on a ski trip as couples! Muggins here wasn't invited! I wouldn't have probably have gone, but it would have been nice to have been asked. Harrumph. Their loss. Would have been better with me there 😂😂😂!!!

Hello, a newbie here, I've joined MN so I can join in with this thread. I'm now 3 years single after my marriage broke up. My quiet, kind, intelligent husband who I thought was my best friend, had an affair with a friend of his and left me. Somehow I've managed to remain friends with him after months of misery. People think I'm mad, but it works for me as long as I don't see him too much. I don't have any children to worry about but I just prefer to be calm and pleasant if possible.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces at the time, and even though I'm so much better than I was, and have a really good life doing things I enjoy, the thought of being into another relationship again just makes me feel cold. I love my house, my interests, I've gone back to drawing and painting and its my passion. I've lost a few 'friends' who don't know how to deal with me as a single person and I've been told by several people who think they know best that I can't possibly remain single.

It's been great to read that there are others who are happy/happier being single, and I wanted to say to those who are newly broken hearted, that it does get better and it can even be brilliant eventually.

@Mulberry974

Sorry to hear you had a tough run of it & I’m happy to hear you’re focusing on your passions. Life doesn’t have to be about marriage & kids. It can be whatever it is that makes us happy.

One of my ex’s did the same - he left me for his friend & married her. He too was kind & intelligent. He contacted me ten years later saying he was divorced and regretted leaving me every single day! Life can be funny!

Hi can I join? I’m a young mum of 3, I had my eldest at 15 and have just been popping them out since. I’ve never been with anyone but my ex and the times that I was meant to be finding myself I was changing nappies (not that I regret that, I love my kids). My ex became abusive physically, emotionally and sexually (which resulted in DC3). I left him after that and I’m a year on now. It’s been a year full of getting a house for us and settling into a new life and routine with the DC, but everything on track now and I’m looking forward to putting my all into finding out who I am and giving my DC the best life I can

@dayowl @mulberry974 welcome! Been a little quiet in the happy singleton the last few days, but hoping that's because everyone is feeling together and upbeat.

I've been quite cheered seeing some snowdrops starting to creep through. Maybe spring is springing? However- big storm on Sunday has trounced on my carboot sale plans!

Other than that- feeling quite tip-top. Knobhead has left me alone- although the promised parcel with my clothes never materialised- despite me paying the postage. But- I'm letting it lie. Better one denim dress, and some gym stuff being lost then having him bothering me. I am embracing singledom at the moment. 🙂

Hi. What is everyone planning for the weekend? Today dog walk and sport. Then voluntary work this evening. Not sure about tomorrow due to impending storm. Stay safe all.

Welcome 💐.

Quiet weekend here, family lunch today which will be lovely and then not a lot else planned. A day at home planned for tomorrow in view of the storm.

I am feeling bit fed up to be honest. Nothing to do with being single.

Work is a very difficult place, dreadful reputation, we struggle to retain good people etc., etc.., I think I might have come to the end of my tether but need to maintain my income level. Jobs like mine are hard to find where I live. I feel like a slave to the nonsense just because I have bills to pay.

Post divorce I could sell my house (too big), downsize and potentially halve my mortgage but until then I need to carry on putting up with work.

Then there is my teenager who is very tricky, struggling with XH leaving a year on. She cried the other day (sobbed) because she just wants a dad, that’s why she is encouraging me to date 😳 because she wants a dad. I won’t be dating.

She is fragile, one minute venomous and the next vulnerable. Obviously she can only take it out on me but it’s really wearing.

Work, divorce and teen means I am feeling squashed this week.

Morning everyone. I haven't been able to post on this thread for a couple of days. The mobile site is being a right twat: it will open threads I haven't pressed on and refuse to open threads I have!

Still, here now by some happy accident so hooray! I have missed chatting to you all. The FB site seems to have gone down the pan. No-one is talking! Never mind. As long as everyone is busy and happy, that's all that matters.

@KitKatBox If you are anywhere near Leeds, I am always a grateful food recipient. I can't cook, just defrost!

@dayowl @mulberry974 welcome! Hope you are both ok. If you want to join the FB group then feel free. It needs new life breathing into it

Hope you all have a lovely weekend. I am not up to much. Good! That's how I want it. I plan to watch Pandemic on Netflix and scare myself shitless about coronavirus.

That's another good thing about being single - noone passing on their lurgies via kissing!

DD had a friend sleep over last night, they were up most of the night giggling which meant I hardly slept too!
No doubt we will both be crashing out later

Well done @dayowl it's a hard thing to do and I hope your life is feeling much better for all of you

Morning all. :)

@SirChing will pop over to the FB and have a look :)

Thanks for the welcomes hope you've all got lots of nice planned for the weekend.

@notgoodwithgoodbyes The odd thing is that my ex left me for this 'friend', the usual, I love you but I'm in love with her nonsense. He flip flopped for weeks, lived at her flat, then got his own place, then a matter of months later, insisted they were just friends now. I have no clue what there relationship is in reality these days, but they haven't moved in together and they haven't married as we haven't actually divorced yet.

After the first year of awfulness, her child died (had a number of serious physical issues), and since then I've been pretty grown up with him. He may be incapable of a long term relationship, is very mixed up and did treat me like crap for months whilst he was seeing her but I'm not kicking someone when they've been through something like that.

Some people think I'm mad for being in contact, but I've known him for over 20 years now, and his mental health hasn't been great since we broke up. As long as I can live my life on my own terms, I can afford some kindness and friendship for him.

Hello,
Can I join in too please?!

My 7 year relationship ended last weekend and I’m a bit fragile right now. He is coming to collect the rest of his stuff Tomorrow which will be hard as he doesn’t seem that bothered that it’s over between us, where as I’m bursting into tears at the drop of a hat

I’m a big believer in giving it time to heal though and not jumping from one relationship to another so I’m going to be staying single for the foreseeable future.

My worry is now I’m in my early 40’s with a lack of friends in similar situations, I’m going to have to push myself to go and do things alone, which as a shy, introvert is, quite frankly terrifying!!!

I’m giving myself a couple of weeks to lick my wounds within the safe confines of my flat and then I’m going to force myself to try going to the cinema alone I know it’s something that others wouldn’t bat an eyelid about doing but I’m genuinely anxious at the thought of it, of people looking at the pathetic Billy no mates sat there alone!

Does anyone have any tips on how I can get out and do other things on my own, rather than becoming a recluse binging on Netflix by myself?

:) I got a dog. On today’s 1h walk we played with a toddler, had a chat with a little old lady about spring, dogs etc, I went to an art gallery and found out that the owner has a cat, we got invited in the little kitchen there for a bowl of water and a coffee, chatted to some homeless men ( about the dog), met a friend and her dogs and had a quick catch up.

I also run, I did 12k today, just me and my thoughts, I stopped to take pictures.

Tomorrow is duvet day, I’m cleaning the house and just chill. :)

@Olive122

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm a similar age in a similar-ish situation. The best advice I can give you is to just go about your life as usual but to make an extra big effort to look people in the eye and have small-talk wherever possible. It's a start. You describe yourself as shy and introverted; so jumping in to anything too 'out there' could send you in to overwhelm. I love going to the cinema alone. I never go on weekend nights but I happily go on weekday nights. In fact, I enjoy it more on my own than with others!

@Nogoodwithgoodbyes thank you for the kind words yes I will try a weekday after work and I’m sure once I’ve done it that once I’ll be fine, baby steps is the way to go for me I think but I’ll get there in the end!

Exactly...little by little is what makes for big change. xxx