The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@FabbyChix snap!

@Misty9 It is a grieving process. I have a FWB to take care of the intimate side of things but I find I need less emotional intimacy now my heart isn't being put through the ringer. Friends and family provide what I do need.

And the odd time I do want that intimacy is far outweighed by the number of times I am grateful to not have a bloke arsing up my life for me!

It's fine if being single isn't for you. It's just that not many people say "you know what, you ARE complete on your own, good for you" if you do decide to be single.

Personally, I find most men, aside from my exH and some male friends, to be a huge letdown.

I love not having a partner I don’t miss anything about being with someone at all. The only drawback I see is you pay all the bills yourself rather than half the costs but it’s a small price to pay

Checking in after a very long day at work yesterday, in the office from 9 until 9. I watched something on Netflix with a glass of wine when I got home but am still running on adrenaline and have only slept for five hours. I really enjoy my job but it is very full on!

I agree about the bills thing Fabby, I have assumed all the bills/mortgage/car from my married life on half of the income and whilst I am ok I find it slightly overwhelming if i think about it too much.

I think you learn to be more self sufficient emotionally. It is still a massive adjustment, and yes, a grieving process. Even though my marriage was crap for the last few years at least XH was ‘there’ which is not the same as being completely on your own .... even if you only get 2% of the good bits you should get from a marriage/relationship it’s something I guess.

A year on I can’t even Imagine inviting anyone into my space for a cup of coffee! A marked contrast to XH who is shacked up with a woman with five kids - he has reinvented himself 🤷🏻‍♀️.

On holidaying alone, I was single for six years before I met XH and had some lovely trips. Initially post split I found that my confidence had waned and worried about keeping safe when travelling but I think I am over that now. I am planning a holiday alone in September - although with XH’s current behaviour I am not sure DD will want to stay with him so that might not happen.

I have avoided Facebook etc. until now but will join and request to join the group.

Hiya

Blurgh how misogynist - cum dump. I really don't like a lot of men.

I was sent home from work yesterday for crying and I rang dp and cried about how it's all turned out. All he really did was talk about how its backfired on him, that hes now on a mates sofa and wishes he was home. It was so me me me and no understand of how the way he speaks to me/dc has chipped away the feelings I had for him. He did say he would go to counselling but I don't think he can change who he inherently is and it's not fair for me to expect him too, we don't work, that's sad but that's ok. I also think it's gone to far for it to ever work now.

I've woken up this morning feeling happy and sad at the same time.

Just checking in! No wifi in the new house yet so I have to keep dodging back to the old one. Still so much stuff in here - nowhere to put it in the new house and I've no idea what to do with it all! Some rooms are still rammed to the rafters - and that's with five of us spending all weekend sifting and shifting.

New house is lovely though...

@Fizzypoo give yourself time to grieve the old relationship. Even if you that ended it- you need to grieve as there would have been lovely times in that relationships, but I also find that I am grieving a relationship that "could have been"... I'm sorry if that sounds a bit woo, but I think it helps with the letting go!

@Zaphodsotherhead tell me about it! I am selling like a banshee on Facebook market place right now. I still have a storage unit on the go- which I need to clear ASAP so that I can stop paying the charge on it!! Good luck!

@sirching
Thanks for responding. That's exactly what I'll do! I'll book a hotel break for two and then one person 'won't make it' at the last minute! It makes me feel a little sad to do that but it'd be lovely to have a break away.

It's good to read from those of you who are happy being single. It's definitely a lifestyle choice. I wish society didn't impose one way of being on the lot of us! I'm weighing up my options these days as I go through separation. I'm trying to decide if I'll online date or just really throw myself in to loving and living life!

're holidays. There are companies like explore where it is groups and always several people on their own. So best of both worlds. You are with people for travelling and there is always someone to eat with etc but you can also spend time alone.

Morning all!

From the Freedom Programme. It made me laugh!

Once upon a time, there was an unmarried princess who ruled her land wisely and well. She made the laws, collected the taxes and was loved by all her subjects.

One day, when she was sitting by her lake, a frog hopped out of the water. “Hello Princess” said the frog. I am not really a frog at all, he continued. I am, in fact, a handsome prince. A wicked witch turned me into a frog. However, if you kiss me I will regain my handsome human form. I will then marry you.

You can have my children and care for them. I would like about eight. You can wash my clothes and cook my meals. You can keep the palace clean and tidy. I will take over as ruler and enforce the laws. I will be King. I will collect the taxes and keep all the money. I will, of course, give you a generous allowance for household expenses.”

Later that night, when the princess was dining on sautéed frogs’ legs in a tarragon, cream and brandy sauce, she said to herself: “I don’t fucking think so!”

Haha! Thanks for sharing that @SirChing I've read that before but good to read it again & again!!

@ThelmaAndLouise2020 I think I have too but it still makes me laugh every time 😂

I can honestly say my exH wasn't like that (I married one of life's good guys.......shame he emotionally and sexually opted out really) but most other blokes have been! Ugh!

😂 I remember that story!

@sirching that is funny!

Tonight I went with my old boss, a lovely man in his 60s and we worked together for 15 years, to see a live streaming of la boheme at our local cinema. It was beautiful. Tragic story of love, but they can belt it out! I felt so liberated that I could:
a) go to an opera- none of my ex's would have chosen that. Or indulged me. And,
b) have gone with a male friend. Purely platonic and just nice.
I love being a little bit selfish now.

It was only ever slightly marred my the fact that the ex has realised that email wasn't blocked. So had 10 emails from him. But they have now been auto diverted to trash. Apparently "we both had issues and could work things out"....Sigh. Wish the twat would just be off now... would love to see what my issues are. Not that I don't have any, but verging on minimal compared to his recital of problems...

@mildlymiffed that sounds like such a lovely evening. I keep meaning to go to one of those love theatre/cinema thingies. I shall have to do it.

Your ex sounds like he is a bit resistant to learning. He can't get it through his thick brain that you don't WANT to sort it out.

Is it worth now delivering the "any further contact will be viewed as harassment and reported to the police" line. I had to do that to.a bloke once. He hadn't got the point even when my message to him.was FUCK.OFF! The police threat shut him up fairly bloody quickly.

He sounds like a loon with no self awareness. It's all about what he thinks and wants, isn't it? You have dodged several bullets by ditching him.

I will now properly and happily join you all as I've had a big realisation this evening that my two dc are still really struggling with the split and they need all of my head to be free for them. And I get so distracted when a man is on the scene. And I've got amazing friends who make me feel loved and give emotional connection. Probably better than any random man could too!

I plan to embrace singledom!

For now at least 😂

@Misty9 That sounds like a good decision. Relationships do take up so much headspace dont they? Until they are single, I don't think people fully realise the extent of how much they take over their heads.

I made the same decision for my DD too. It's just too hard to concentrate on a love life and be mentally fully present for her.

I hope you find unexpected treasures in being single. Its the small things but man are they fabulous! 😁

I'd like to be mentally fully present single or in an relationship! What with house move and working full time I don't know my arse from my elbow right now!

Does anyone use any electronic means of:
A) tracking their finances and bills
B) scanning their paperwork?

Hints and tips appreciated before I drown!!

Hello can I join you all? I’ve been separated for just over a year and today agreed the financial side of our divorce so will now have to sell my home.
I was married for 20 years, mostly happy but it turns out I was being lied to for a lot of it.
I have no interest in another relationship and have found this last year quite liberating, I don’t want to give up my new freedom However it is difficult as all my friends are in couples (aside from 1 who lives 100miles away) and I do sometimes feel lonely.
I’m glad I’ve found this thread, you are all inspiring me to be strong !

Hello singletons
Been a lurker here since the start, I think you're all a great inspiration and even without you knowing it, have made me pull my shirt down straight (Jean Luc Picard style) and crack on with my day numerous times
Been in a 2 long term relationships since I was 18 with a gap of a month between the two, I'm 43 now so that's a whole lot of time spent living with a man. Feeling like a fish out of water some days, I'm 2 months into living alone with my children.

Im mostly ok when the kids are with me but when they're with their dad, I have up and down days. Some days it's wonderful, I can eat a tub of ice cream for tea and run a bath immediately as I get through the door from work, leave the bathroom door open without someone knocking on the door wanting to come in for a poo, watch films that aren't rated PG in the day time, listen to music I like as loud as I like without someone moaning they don't like it, enjoy the beauty of a bleached toilet that stays pristine longer than 20 minutes, sit messing about on my phone for hours without someone asking me to get them something...
then the bad days- where I feel like I don't know what to do with myself, the silence in the house, everything switched off and dark when I get home from work, time to think where it all went wrong, beating myself up about the choices I've made in life.. thankfully those days are few but they are still painful to get through, I'm learning to give into those days, put on a weepy film, box of tissues and have a good cry.. the only time I ever need man size again I hope
Anyway, just wanted to say "hi" and "thank you" for helping me through a few wobbler days. You're all awesome and I'm learning to be proud to be one of you!

Mildly I have a spreadsheet in Numbers that syncs to my iCloud so I can see it on my phone, iPad, laptop and online. I have a sheet for each month and all my spend is listed (within reason), I allocate an amount for spending each month 'life costs' and stick within that. A simple formula brings last months balance forward to this month. Not sure if anything like that will work for you.

Paperwork wise I scan things individually at work (much quicker than my home scanner or I scanner on my phone), log into iCloud at work and drag them to appropriate folders. I just do it once a month, takes me an hour to move them to the appropriate place.

Welcome everyone, sorry you have to move Eliza, I hope that isn't too painful, maybe you will welcome a fresh start.

I think that working out what to do/feeling a bit lost when the kids leave for the weekend is tough while we are all adjusting Taetoes. I am sure we will all get there.

I saw my counsellor today, she thinks I am building walls - I talked about meeting someone who was flirting recently .... shutters down, I really am not interested. Nothing wrong with that really as long as I am happy with it is there????

... chocolate, whatever you like really ... your choice entirely tonight .

@elizaeliza & @taetoes! Welcome!!! 🤗

@elizaeliza I don't have a huge number of single girlfriends but have found that plenty of my married friends want a getaway from their OH's. And I am growing to like my own company a little more.

@Taetoes- I know what you mean about the highs and lows. I had a low early. Had a small sniffle and gave myself a talking to. I can decorate tonight at my new house. Hang pictures that I like- anywhere I like! Whoop. Then I can crawl into my nice cold bed, without being touched, or pawed over. No one snoring or rolling into me.

Today I met sky and had my new system installed and set up a brand new printer. This is an achievement for me as a bit of a Luddite when it comes to tech, and well, self-sufficiency!!

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@kitkatbox I am going to vow that once boxes have been unpacked, my next mission is financial organisation!