The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

Aw Fizzy, you can do it! Your kids will appreciate your stance when they are older and can see things through adult eyes. My ex seemed to view my DD as a threat. Almost as if he was bothered that I would always love her more and want time with her. Wanker.

@StarbucksQueen Next time, take me with you! I went to the Canaries with a mate once. We hardly spoke for the entire week and I read nine books. It was bliss!

I have had a horrible approach from the married man that sniffs around me (think I mentionned him earlier in the thread - major chemistry but he is married so I won't go there).

He is into BDSM which is fine, but I don't think that excuses his approach to me today. He has had a rough time recently and has been moaning to me about it. Fair enough as I have moaned to him in the past.

Today he messaged me as said "how would you feel about being a sympathetic cum dump?".

I was I told him that being used as a shoulder to cry on and a hole jsnt the best offer I have ever had, but at least he has made his contempt for me clear. And that sadly for him, my standards mean I only sleep with people who see me as a person not an object.

What an arsehole. I am furious! I can see why his wife won't sleep with him (according to him - she found out he had been unfsithful and now won't go near him. Apparently he feels this is unfair as they had an "arrangement". The wanker).

How cool @mildlymiffed. Is that with B&Q?

@SirChing 🤮🤮🤮

I just saw this now and wanted to say it's a great idea for a thread. I need all the boost I can get to go and grab the single life by the horns (so to speak).

Those of you that have had a big holiday on your own, can you tell us about it?
I'd be interested in this too. I'd love to even go away to a hotel for a couple of nights on my own but it's crazy how difficult they make it. One hotel I looked up had a great deal for 2 and it said 'no single occupancy available on this package!'

Ooooohhhh hello everyone I haven't been here since page 8, I had exams and revision and assignment's to do it was all a big stressful. I'm awaiting results so I have a few weeks to breathe.

I took delivery of a shiny new very big fridge freezer today, I decided to save £££ and only paid for delivery. I watched a YouTube video & figured out how to swap the door around. All was well until I attempted to remove the bottom hinge. The screws will not budge, I've tried every screwdriver I own, wd40, I charged my power drill and the screws aren't budging. I hate to say this : I need a man grrrrrr.

I'm going to compromise and rehang the fridge doors and use it the wrong way around. Everytime I have a cup of tea I'll remember that I'm not strong enough damn it!

I truly truly wish I had time to do a DIY course.

@SirChing

Well done for putting that cheeky shit back in his place!

@BuddhaAtSea I did actually feel physically sick at his comment. I have told him that I am slightly hurt that he has such a low opinion of me, and that an apology would be nice. I suspect I shall be waiting a long time.

@NurseButtercup Welcome back! I hope the exams went ok? You don't need a man for the fridge, you need a motorised screwdriver. Or a screwdriver that attaches to a drill as it is also a bit. Then you will be able to do it easily.

And thanks re that shithead bloke. I am do offended it's unreal.

@Nogoodwithgoodbyes Welcome! Is there no way you can book the break for two and then one person "nit he able to make it" at the last minute?

@sirching a "cum dump"... 🤢🤢🤮 what a beautiful turn of phrase... ex-boyf told me to "show me your tits" which I found offensive enough (as I'd already left him by then), but a cum dump is really vile.

@buddhaatsea it's with the local sixth form college on a Saturday. Think I can bring along photos of projects that I want to do- and they'll show me how! I'd like to learn how to use a drill- but want to practice on someone else's walls. And I need to do a bit of plastering!

I'm also intrigued by solo travel. Have been to visit family overseas solo, and been away with ds- but not the whole shebang solo!

@notgoodwithgoodbyes welcome!!!

@mildlymiffed agree it's vile. He has sent me an apology gif. I haven't replied as I can't think what to say to be honest. Anyone have any great comebacks?

That DIY course sounds fab, I would love to do that! I may look for one locally.

Maybe we should start a singles holiday club BUT with the twist being that no-one has to be sociable with anyone, there are just people there if you need them. I would totally be up for that!

An apology gif!!!!!
Not even an actual apology? In words?

@SirChing damn screw is stuck will not turn I gave up.

I think I would be interested in singles travel club my must haves are sunshine all day, optional beach, delicious fresh food.

@Nursebuttercup whereabouts are you, if you’re near me I’ll come and have a go!😉

Yuk yuk yuk. No comeback just ignore forever.
Work, out for a run and dog walk.🐕🐕🐕

Hi can I join please?

I don't know if I'm classed as "single" quite yet though. I decided to separate from husband in December and waiting on the keys to a rental property while keeping my eye on the property market. Obviously I'm just wasting money by renting but it's a quick way out.

Since deciding to separate I've been in the spare room, on a mattress on the floor. The room was in the process of being decorated and we'd just replaced our mattress. So I guess in some ways I was lucky we hadn't yet thrown the old one away but it's pretty dire.

I'll be looking forward to having a proper bed to sleep on. I'll look forward to having a tidy home instead of finding bundles of his crap everywhere. It's like he just empties his pockets and dumps the stuff right there plus he uses every pot and dish in the house when cooking. Feel like my dishwasher is on every day. I'll not miss the floor being covered in all his crap from his work uniform (tradesman) just after I've hoovered and mopped.

I could go on and on tbh. I'm just counting down the days now!

Oh, and I've also made a conscious decision to remain single from now on in.

I was with husband for 9 years in total and with my ex for 8 years (we have a 16yo dd together). Had about 2 years single in between the relationships and although I did like being single, I was definitely looking for a new relationship.

I feel completely different now.. I'm 38 and cannot ever see myself living with a man again or even giving up my time or emotions to another man.

Although I'm sad my marriage hasn't worked out, I'm also excited to not have to give a shit about anyone but myself and DD.

@IndieTara nope! It said "sorry, I thought we were vibing". The utter shithead.

@NurseButtercup Oh no! If you stick something frozen on it, won't the metal of the screw contract more than the plastic around it, making it easier to do? Or have you a strong neighbour?

@Accidentalaccountant That's my stance. Blocked and deleted and damn lucky I am not telling his wife - for her sake, not his. I thought he had left her. It turns out he is just acting like he has. Bloody disgrace to manhood!

On a cheerier note, when he discovers he is blocked he will be furious. Good!

The dog walk part of your day sounds lovely! I miss doing that.

@NurseButtercup That holiday sounds perfect. Where should we go on our fantasy trip?

Good god @SirChing what a vile thing to say to you! Block him and never look back! His poor wife....I hope she is "getting her ducks in a row" and planning her escape. Maybe she will join us on the happy singles thread!

My weekend did not quite go to plan due to H returning DS earlier than planned and actually H just making demands of me pretty much the whole time he had DS. I did still manage to go running on Sunday morning which I loved plus I saw a friend for lunch which was also very good for my soul. I seriously need to work on setting boundaries with H but it's so hard after 19 years together to suddenly change the dynamics. I'm not going to make myself feel worse about not having it sussed yet though because it's a work in progress and I know I'll work it out in the end.

The singles travel club sounds good!!

@daintytoes Welcome! Is your not so DH part snake? Shedding himself everywhere and just leaving the debris where it falls?

You do right in remaining single. Men remind me every day at the minute just why I don't want them. Renting isn't a waste because you get a roof over your head and your sanity back - priceless! Feel free to join our FB group The Happy Singleton if you like. Sadly, it's been a misnomer for me today and The Furious Singleton would have been more apt, but we are all fairly happy to be sans partners at the moment.

I bet the relief you feel when you move out will be massive!

I feel completely different now.. I'm 38 and cannot ever see myself living with a man again or even giving up my time or emotions to another man.

Although I'm sad my marriage hasn't worked out, I'm also excited to not have to give a shit about anyone but myself and DD.

Can totally relate to what you said here @daintytoes I am a bit older than you and have a DS not a DD but feel exactly the same!

Welcome aboard!

@ThelmaAndLouise2020 Hi Thelma - God imagine if she joined! I don't think she would want to know that her husband sent me pictures of his rancid knob! Bleurgh! Hope she leaves the git.

The boundaries thing is going to take time. Things don't just slot into place overnight. The main thing is whether your DS was happy. Would telling your ex that he needs to contact you via email for anything that isn't emergency/accident or illness related to your DS, work? And that you will check it at lunch and again at tea? So then you aren't waiting for your phone to ping?

Or what about whatsapp but change your settings so that no-one can tell if you have read their messages. That way you can always choose to ignore?

I agree about the holiday club. I want to go somewhere in October half term for a week when DD is with her dad. God knows where. Somewhere warm with decent food that's quiet and cheap. With a sunlounger and lots to read. Bliss!

@daintytoes sounds like we're in similar situations. I left my ex last Easter and moved out into rented. Am just buying a place now which is scary but exciting.

So I'm definitely ghosted/binned off by the dickhead I mentioned. The thing is, I can't figure out if I do want to be with someone or not. I get a sort of panicky feeling when I'm totally alone in the house since being single. Partly because it's such a contrast to when the dc are here I expect. And I love sex and intimacy... So what do I want?! How did you all know that being single is what you want?

I am so in for this singles holiday!! Actually am escaping next week for a couple of nights with a bunch of other female photographers, which is exciting - rented a massive airbnb and we're just going to chill, read, chat if we feel like it and take some photos :)

@daintytoes welcome! I identify with all your reasons for staying single and feel the same :)

@sirching urgh, still shuddering on your behalf

Single six yeArs and celibate all that time. No plans to change it

@misty9 it was a process for me and did take time. Part liberation, part grieving and part adjusting to a totally different set of expectations to the ones drilled into me by society. Am really lucky to be demisexual so don't crave sex/intimacy till I know someone well, and actually a lot of my emotional intimacy comes from friendships and always has done. I don't think it's like a switch you flip overnight x