The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

Broadline, it was

"Broadline is an all-in-one spot on solution used to treat cats with (or at risk of) mixed infestations of tapeworms, roundworms and external parasites such as fleas, ticks or mites. It treats flea infestations and prevents new infestations for at least one month."

Hi all - thanks for the welcome .

Sorry to hear about the man trouble Misty9, clearly he isn't worthy.

I have been known to channel Crystaltips myself Starbucks, sounds like a good break.

Sorry to those who are not well, I agree that it is rubbish being ill on your own but better that than being in the wrong relationship when you are not ill.

I feel a bit lost/empty at times (this weekend being one) and I think its quite normal, in my case I am still adjusting to single life. It has lots of positives but after spending two decades with someone it is going to take a bit of time.

I am learning to do whatever I feel like doing rather than what I think I should be doing (or what I think people think I should be doing).

I don't think there is a quick fix solution .... but I can remind myself that I am happier single than I was in my marriage for the last few years.

Have also requested to join the Facebook group (same initials!) Realised thanks to the thread that I will have been 5 years divorced shortly, and haven't even bothered OLD for the last four of those To much effort for too little return!!

Had a lovely night out last night with friends, currently pootling around the house cleaning in a lackadaisical manner until DD gets back, then it's pizza and movie night! Fab weekend, and no walking on eggshells!!

Can I have a handhold wise ones? The ex boyf had somehow worked out that my tech ability had meant that I had blocked him on WhatsApp but not on normal mobile. He's been persistent with general shit today... I told him to leave me alone, and blocked him there too. His mum also messaged me today and asked how I was. I wrote a polite response (why am I so polite?) which she read but didn't reply to- weird. I feel really uneasy.

I am never going to let anyone control me again. I don't understand which bit of "its over" he isn't getting. I feel genuinely unsettled, and a bit nervy and sick. What a fucker he is...

@mildlymiffed hand holding here. What does he want?

@buddhaatsea it appears that he merely wants a reaction... I'd asked him to post back the single dress that I like at his. Appeared easier then swapping stuff. He told me he took it all to charity. Then two minutes later that he hasn't. Next that he wants a very small amount of euros back after a holiday- then he doesn't - then he does. In the end I transfer him over the cash equivalent to shut him up.

I've told him to bin my stuff and that I want no further contact. I'm just hoping that he doesn't revert to the landline next.

I add that I asked him to post it back just after we broke up- a month ago. Not recently.

Mindfuck. Just block him.

It's done. It was just really low lying, being a bit creepy, little bit sinister behaviour. Made my skin crawl.

A good friend in real life just said "you hadn't invested sufficient time in him for him to expect his account to stay open"!!!

Knob jockey. Honestly, I'm here with ds and feeling all icky!! Going to stop tidying soon and sit down and indulge in something decent on tv.

That’s grim Mildly.

Believe it or not I still get demands for things from the house from XH a year on.

He told DD that ‘there are things in there with my name on’, what a cracking example of a human being.

I posted things he was going on about that would have cost him £7 to replace last week. Usually I tell him to jog on but he ‘brought these things into the marriage twenty years ago’ 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I hope you have managed to block from all angles by now.

This thread has really helped me tonight. I've just split up with dp. I was happy and single before I met him and I'm so upset that I'm going to be on my own again - even though I was happy before

My now ex dp is lovely in lots of ways but had a power trip going on with my ds. There was so much conflict and in the end I felt like he was bullying him.

I'm happy I don't have the conflict anymore but now I'm going to be a broke single mum again and it feels like shit. Dp did loads round the house, loved me and pulled his weight. He was just a knob to my son, almost like he was jealous of him and I couldn't take it anymore.

I asked him to leave and he refused. I started packing his stuff, he then rang the police and falsely told them I threatened to punch him in his face. They took him away and I'm in bits, I feel pathetic as I should be cross but instead I'm sad and scared of being lonely.

This thread has made me feel happier though so thanks. I think I'm going to get a cat.

Good god @Fizzypoo, sounds like a lucky escape for you there!!!

I feel guilty though @Buddha I feel guilty for allowing this situation to even occur, and I feel bad for ds and I feel bad as I know dp doesn't have anywhere else to go and will be kipping on a mates sofa. I've effectively made him homeless.

Dp just didnt have a lot of emotional intelligence, he reacted in the moment. He also made a lot of horrible jokes and would get cross because I'd be upset by them. His heart was in the right place and he tried but just could not control his anger (never physically) so if I was ever slightly annoyed with him he would then make an argument about it and be horrible, but he also has a heart of gold. I'm so confused tbh and think I'm suffering separation anxiety. The relationship wasnt right really, I used to wish to live in peace being single again and now I'm upset as it's happened.

Fizzy, seriously, do the freedom program. Block him and move on, I promise you nothing good will ever come out of this shit storm if you let him back in. Protect yourself and your child.

@fizzypoo - if he wasn't being kind to your son, he really wasn't worth it. It was something that I noticed in ex-boyf too, and it irked me. I think your right about it being jealousy, and it seemed so ridiculous. Everyone else says ds is well-behaved and a nice kid- except ex-boyf who could only see the worst and be nasty. Not cool. At all.

@Fizzypoo bless you, it's very very hard, even when they're shits! Like others have said, you're well rid!

The jealousy thing is quite common I think. I've had this with two of my relationships, they were only jealous of DS not DD, however, they weren't mean to him, just snide remarks etc.

Keep posting here, these ladies (I'm assuming it's all ladies?) are very very positive about being single

Thanks. My ds is lovely and like you said @mildlymiffed dp only saw the worst in him.

I don't think dp is abusive @BuddhaAtSea I did the womansaid quiz and answered yes to a few questions but overall no.

@Itsallpointless all he had to do was be neutral to ds instead of petty and unkind. Although he was kind in other ways and was taking us all away over Feb half term. He also made me a coffee every morning, got the kids up, made me sandwiches, made tea twice/three times a week.

I don't know if I've made a mistake or not, why would he be so good with things like the above but be so negative towards ds. I'm quite a busy person with work and fulltime uni, I think dp felt left out and second best to my job, uni work, dc and then him.

@Fizzypoo we don't always communicate very well do we, and then it all manifests itself in other ways. You are in a tough place at the moment, pros and cons of your DP. The thing you need to consider first and foremost is your DS and how it affects him, he's the most important. How is he with everything?

@StarbucksQueen So glad you have had a lovely holiday. It sounds fabulous! I am thinking of going away by myself in October but, like @ScreamingLadySutch says, it's a bit daunting!

@mildlymiffed you did the right thing to pay him off then block. Sounds like it's a goodbye to your dress, but then it would always make you think of the ex if you wore it now, surely? Hope you blocked his mum too! If they contact you again it sounds like it might be bordering on harassment. Which isn't nice of them. So don't be too worried about you being nice to them!

@Fizzypoo Welcome and I am so sorry for what you are going through If it helps, I went through the exact same thing with my ex and DD last year. He always saw the worst in her and it felt manipulative, which is ironic as he said he felt that she was the manipulative one. Looking back now, it was clearly him projecting his own personality onto her. I dumped him when he said something to her that I couldn't forgive. He had moved up north from Hampshire to be with me, and is in a rented house round the corner, so I did feel a bit bad. But, like your ex, I remind myself that he CHOSE his circumstances with his behaviour. If someone is going to be mean to a child, then it's logic that their mother will put them first.

I was devastated at first after dumping my ex, despite him also being an alcoholic, and felt how you describe feeling. Looking back now, I just feel sick that I let him into DDs life, and think my only mistake was not dumping him sooner. If we don't protect our kids and put them first, who will?

You have done the right thing. PM me if you want to chat (sorry for the me-rail but I wanted you to know that someone understands your exact feelings)

@ScreamingLadySutch oooh that stuff sounds good, I shall have to get some! Luckily (touch wood) the leaping buggers seem to be dead. I have seen no more of them so I think I got them before they took over the house. Bleurgh!

@KitKatBox Ugh, you ex sounds like a twat too. Why do these men not have enough dignity and self awareness to behave like adults? It's pathetic!

Sorry to all the poorly people on the thread. Passing round and painkillers.

@MonaChopsis I have let you into the FB group, welcome!

@sirching.. I'm still out here .. Land back in Manchester on Thurs morning. I suppose I cheated a bit, going with my male friend, we have meals together but then do our own thing... Not sure I'd come so far afield completely on my own though.. I've been to the canaries on my own, which was great, had an apartment and tended to eat out at lunchtime rather than in the evenings.
Another single friend of mine uses sites for solo travellers and has really enjoyed stuff with them, although I think they can be expensive, but he says it's definately not for singles looking for other singles to date... I'm a bit to antisocial for all that though .. Quite happy with my own company and a book!

@Itsallpointless he is fine. He didn't even realise dp had gone until he went to find him to say goodnight as he was playing on his playstation. I explained to him what had happened and asked him how he felt, he said he was fine but wasn't happy or sad about it (he's 12). Dd (14) is unhappy as her and dp got on well.

Dp acted like an older brother a lot of the time, point scoring against ds. I have told him so many times that he acts like a third child and then he would try and stamp his authority down on ds. Ds is lovely, good school reports/helps around the house/others say he is polite and friendly. Ds would give him a bit of attitude but only when dp would try to point score or was arguing with me.

@SirChing DP drinks a bit too much too. He also has said a few times that ds reminds him of him when younger and now you've said it I can see the projection. He assumed the worst of ds as that's how he behaved.

I'm going to pull my big girl pants on, luckily I'm working from home today so can tidy up, chill out with Netflix on whilst working ect and sort tea out. I'm really sad though because even though I can do it all myself I liked that I didnt have too. I do need to put DC first, they're not going to be around forever and it's my job to make sure they're living in a home where they're happy and feel secure.

Well done Fizzy - you are a strong 💪 woman.

You can do it Fizzy! I'm going on a diy course for beginners shortly. Then I hope to never have to rely on anyone! 😂