The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@Misty9 go for it! Guarantee it will be a weight lifted off your shoulders!

Morning loves! I was just thinking about this thread, and there it was in active :)

Hope you all have lovely days - can I ask what's making you happy this week?

For me it's my silly, enthusiastic, hilarious cats dashing up and down the stairs and tripping over each other 😂

Hi @undercoveraessedai ah that's cute about your cats, I love mine too she brings me love and joy every day 💕

This week I am absurdly excited about my new batch of books arriving today. I LOVE books and just can't stop buying them I'm so excited I have already posted on another thread about them but for anyone interested here they are:

Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes (recommended to me by my counsellor when I asked about help with building up my self esteem)

Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie (I have been pondering over whether I am co-dependent and after a bit of research decided that this book would be worth a read)

I've also raced through Feel Better in 5 by Dr Rangan Chatterjee (I love him!) and picked out some new healthy 5 min habits to incorporate into my life. I have already bought 2 more copies of this book to give to friends. I Thoroughly recommend to everyone on this thread.

I'd love to hear what is making everyone else happy this week too

I love the thought of communal living. My worst fear is being lonely.

Some happy things today are that some family who live abroad are over for a visit which is lovely.
@ThelmaAndLouise2020 those books sound interesting I have a problem with my self esteem so may have a read.

What's making me happy today? Well, yesterday I picked up the keys for my new house - my first ever fully owned house on my own! So today I've been moving boxes across (it's the same village that I currently live in) whilst my terrier has been doing 'hyperactive toddler' things at the sight of all the boxes.

I can't wait to get moved in!

Hello everyone! Evening 🙂

@thelmaandlouise2020 books sound great. Will you let me know what you think of the wolves one?
@Zaphodsotherhead congrats on the house move! Yay! Another fellow mover. I had a little cry when I moved in- I was that proud of myself!
@petal68 bring on the family. Hope you have a lovely time.

My happy place tomorrow is that I'm going into Town to see the 9-5 musical with one of my close friends. I love where I live. Semi-rural but close enough to London to get in and back in an evening and enjoy the theatre!

Hope everyone else has had a good day x

Hi all, newbie here. I had a thread elsewhere, and it was suggested I come in here and join you friendly lot

Single 58, 2 adult DC, full time work. I get quite despondent about being in my own, and often catastrophise about my leg falling off, and there's no one to put the bins out for methat kind of thing. But seriously, I do get down about it, so I need some reassuring that I'm not alone, and you can be 'complete' being a singleton.

mildlymiffed I have seen 9-5 recently, wasn't something I wanted to see particularly, but my DD got some really cheap tickets so we went. It was such good fun! So glad I saw itI also live close enough to London to enjoy all it has to offer, so I am a regular theatre goer

I've been on my own to the theatre too, don't think twice about it anymore, but it's those kind of things that a partner would come in handy for, that and fixing my fence!

But I'm here as a singleton, not yet quite a happy one though

@itsallpointless - I get the feeling isolated thing. I have a male friend (not a fwb!) and I tend to text him daily and check he's alive and vice versa... in case my leg drops off!

As for theatre- if you're ever in need of a theatre buddy pm me! I love going, will see most anything and any excuse really!

mildlymiffed I'd be quite happy with a male friend, I've never had one!
I'm a member of a meetup group that are avid theatre goers, they are really on the ball with special offers and 'different/alternative' theatres I've never even heard of. I sometimes go with them, or if I can't make their date, I'll take advantage of the special offer and go on my own. Thanks for the offer of a theatre buddy though, that's great

You all sound very positive about your single statuses, so I'm glad this thread is fairly active, as I can (like now) get a bit low, the grim weather doesn't help either.

thelma your books sound interesting! I hope you share them on here

Hi 👋🏼

Just been scrolling through this, my new favourite, thread! I feel like I have come home!!

My STBXH left 7 months ago after 15 years of marriage (+5 years before that). I have 2 amazing kids (12 & 14). He is now living with his OW and her 4 kids. He feels like he ‘won’ because I am ‘alone’. But LOL, joke is on him!!!

I have never been happier!! And I am less lonely than I ever was before he left. I have the most amazing family and friends, a great job, amazing kids, a beautiful cat, my own home (he left with a lot of money in the process, but worth every penny!)

The only time I am sad is when the kids are with their dad and his new family. But not because they aren’t here and not because they are with their dad, just because the thought of ‘her’ with my kids still stings.

But now when I am sad I have a place to come to make me smile and remind myself that life is good...

So a big thank you happy singletons 💓

And in East Yorkshire, so that’s the Yorkshire’s covered :-)

Eeek @ThelmaAndLouise2020 I loooove Women who run with the wolves 🥰 it's one of my go to books to dip into!

@Zaphodsotherhead congrats on the house 💙

@mildlymiffed that sounds perfect, I used to commute to London but I'm now a bit far out to do it easily for an evening. Or perhaps I'm just lazier as I get older?! 😂

@Itsallpointless I love my single life but still catastrophise so you're not alone. And the weather this time of year definitely doesn't help. I hope we will though, it's lovely to have you here ☺️

@potentialslayer welcome home 💙 the sting is understandable but I love your attitude!

@undercoveraessedai thanks so much for the warm welcome

@PotentialSlayer well done you for your positive attitude, I can fully understand your feelings towards the OW and your DC, I think I would feel much more than a sting though, so fair play to you for managing it so well.

Coming on this thread is like snuggling under a warm cosy blanket

Morning!
I fell asleep at 9 last night, I’m fresh as a daisy....at 4am!!!!
@Zaphodsotherhead congratulations!!! That’s massive!!! You and @mildlymiffed should have a house warming party! Are you going to have a house blessing?
When I bought mine, I googled endlessly looking for tips to make mine a happy place for me and DD. One of the things that came up was a house blessing, be it by a vicar or a Buddhist, or even bless it yourself. I’m not religious but I live by Buddhist principles, so I did a little ritual myself.
The other thing that came out of my ‘research’ was lighting pink candles in the new home. So I had no kettle, but I had pink candles everywhere 😂.
I promise I am not woo in the slightest!!!!

Oh I heard of Running with wolves but never actually read it. I am looking forward to long summer evenings reading outside now, giving my sofa and blankets a break 😁.

I live near an amazing theatre, I absolutely love theatre!!!

@PotentialSlayer & @Itsallpointlesswelcome to the thread!

What makes me happy this week: I re-started counselling. And already I had a break through moment that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I came to realise that my last long term relationship was with a sociopath. I think I knew anyway, because I came out with it pretty fast. But goodness that felt so liberating! I am not crazy! I have a huge job in front of me to heal from this, but I’m excited about it. And I don’t want to be friends with him anymore, I want distance.

Anyway, I’d better try and sleep a bit more :) I have 3 more days before a day off and I plan to go for a 5k run tomorrow evening :)

Thanks for all the welcomes, this place is good for the soul

@Itsallpointless you are right it is much more than a sting, it breaks my heart in to a thousand tiny pieces. This week they have booked to go to go on holiday in summer and I am struggling with it. A lot. :-(

I try to stay positive though. At least I don’t have to go on holiday with him ever again!!

Hope you all have great days xx

Good morning everyone.

@Potentialslayer - can you find something that you'd really love to do that week? Not necessarily go away - but maybe take a day or two off, or use the weekend to do something? Volunteering break? a weekend with a girlfriend, a uk city break? Just so you too have something to look forward to? When my ds goes away with his dad then I try and book myself full of meeting up with old friends- dinners (at home mainly so that I don't splurge too much!), cinema, walks etc. I'd also recommend the Meetup app. I joined a few walking groups on there and loved it during the better weather.

Luckily exH shacked up with someone lovely. I mean that genuinely, she's a great person- and must have the patience of a saint to put up with him. She's heavily pregnant now, so think their hols away will be curtailed for a bit!

Have a good day everyone. Nice short one for me at the office (thank the lord for flexible hours) before heading off at about 4.30pm to the theatre! Squeeee!

Thanks @mildlymiffed, great advice!

I will definitely have more fun than them! They will have 6 kids , I will have a week of freedom! Already planning time away with my friends and some me time (I get very little of that as the DCs have only stayed over at their dad’s once in 7 months, he has them 3 times a week but not over night - and I have a full time job).

The OW may indeed be very nice, I have no idea. All I know about her is that she cheated and is a heavy drinker, not great references...

@PotentialSlayer not great references at all... May well be that your exH is due to get a good dose of karma on his arse!

I understand why it's hard for you to entrust dc into her care if she's got that track record.

@BuddhaAtSea - no blessing but I did pour wine and salt on the front threshold before I moved in. Should keep the household gods happy!

It was so funny, when I was buying the place I asked the owner if there were any ghosts - he gave me such a sideways look... told me there weren't so I said, 'that's all right, I'll bring my own!'

More moving today and it's very foggy up here in North Yorks this morning - hoping it bodes well for a lovely sunny day. Hoping all my fellow singletons have something wonderful lined up for today or the weekend.

Morning everyone,

I need to get going with jobs but found myself checking the relationships board on MN and feeling SO relieved that I'm now single. I genuinely can't imagine ever wanting to put up with any of the bullshit that relationships seem to come with. I thought I had a good relationship but actually looking back and being brutally honest, there were so many things I wasn't happy with but I was blinded by love and loyalty. I was denying my own happiness by doing what I thought was the right thing but now I'm free. I still feel sad and angry about his betrayal but maybe I really will be thanking my H for cheating on me one day!! (Not yet though...)

@Zaphodsotherhead congratulations on your new pad! Enjoy 

@ThelmaAndLouise2020. I feel the same way about my cheating STBXH. Relieved he is gone but a little bit damaged (if I’m honest) by the lies and betrayal. It has made me harder (and sadder about humans) than I was or than I want to be. But I am fighting the sadness every step of the way!!

@ThelmaAndLouise2020 I feel the same - it sounds awful out loud, but I find the MN relationships boards very validating of my life choices! And looking back at my relationships, there were definitely things I wouldn't put up with now - I was either too young or too blinded by love to do anything about them at the time :(

Hi all! How's everything going?

I just ended the sex side of a 'relationship' with a FWB. I feel relieved. There was something 'wrong' about it (not morally, in terms of consent/comfort doing it. I think maybe I was doing some of it to please him. I don't have a very high libido at the mo, and don't feel the need for it.

Well done @Interestedwoman I am determined that I'm only going to do things that genuinely please myself now! (Or my DS) I just need to work out what those things are... I think it should be fun finding out. No more compromises and no more people-pleasing!

@undercoveraessedai and @PotentialSlayer I am recognising (in hindsight) with the help of many of the relationship threads that I put up with things that I shouldn't have done for a long time. Maybe my H did too and somehow we couldn't communicate with each other about it all 🤷‍♀️.

I had my last counselling session today and told my counsellor how much this thread in particular is really helping me to see clearly all of the positives about being single and that I am not alone in wanting to embrace the single life and my new freedom!

I’ve sent FB request. Short hair and sexy jumpsuit!

Evening everyone and a huge welcome to the newbies! Feel free to pull up a virtual armchair and to snuggle with a virtual cat or.dog to your hearts content.

Hugs, flowers and wine/brews to all who want them. And cake, obviously, there's always cake.

I have been asleep all day with my sodding migraine back. But it appears to have eased now, hooray!

So pleased for all the new homes being made, and theatre trips being sought. I have that woman with the wolves book on the shelf downstairs. I haven't read it yet. I think this will be the year it does get read.

So pleased that people are making decisions that feel right for them, and binning off people who don't add to their lives.

Zaphod - I just PMSL at your comment about having bread older then the lad being drooled over on the K Pop thread 😂 I don't get it at all. Those lads are up with Steptoe in the "men I would like to shag least" stakes. I imagine that they come with their own sparkly pink comb and brush set so that you can do their hair afterwards. Bleurgh!!!

@Interestedwoman - all I can say, being honest, is thank fuck for that. I don't condone violence but10 mins in a room with no cameras and a baseball bat would improve the guys attitude immensely! I think there would be a whole queue of us waiting to take our turn with the bat!