The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@zofloramummy you are right! Small wobble- pulled my big girl pants right up, and am standing tall. I think it's because I got a divorce letter from the solicitor, and on top of moving house it kind of toppled me a bit!

@mildlymiffed - nothing wrong with needing a cuddle. Sending you a huge hug! I sometimes like having a massage or a warm bath when I need a hug - the physical sensations help.

May I join you?

Also, @zofloramummy is right. Still sending you a huge squishy cuddle anyway! It's not the same as real ones but I am pretty sure you have an army of internet women all sending virtual ones

@mathanxiety - absolutely you can! Welcome to our lovely place for celebrating single solidarity!

@sirching I'm crossing the north/south divide to send a cuddle up to you too x 🥰

@mildlymiffed Aw thank you. Very gratefully received.

@mathanxiety - welcome! Pull up a chair and a vat of wine and plonk yourself down. Feel free to join our FB group in real life of you like - we mostly encourage each other, moan and share pet pictures Have you been single for long?

What is the single FB group called?

It's The Happy Singleton group.

I'm happily divorced & really enjoying being single. Life is so much better. One of my friends really can't understand it and keeps trying to encourage me to OLD websites. Signed up for one but the endless parade of tattooed men with shaved heads whose idea of an attractive picture is them in bed with no top on has reminded me why I love being single. Its so liberating.

I should add i feel grateful every day that i live in a time when as a single woman I can support myself and my kids financially & I can make my own decisions . Until relatively recently that would have been really difficult if not impossible.

My single girlfriends and I often have a fascinating discussion about all of us selling our houses when we reach 60 and buying the biggest house in the country and moving in together.

We will each have a wing each, meet in the communal kitchen to cook our vegetables we have grown in the garden. Keep chickens, goats and any stray donkeys that need homing.

The best laugh we get is when we consider how often we will let men visit just so we can have a little bit of fun and get some of the hard heavy repair jobs done!!

Keeps us laughing all night with our plans and a couple of bottles of wine.

I often wonder if we will end up doing this. I do hope so, it's sounds such fun.

Just dumped someone I’d been “seeing” for a wee while. It feels great to take back control and get rid of someone who just makes you feel a bit rubbish! I’m determined not to jump back on to tinder to distract myself which is my usual course of action. Ive reached a point now where I feel men bring too much misery to my life 😂 would rather be free of the drama.

@MsPeachh & @HeyLala welcome, welcome to our little hub of singleness! Morning everyone. Chilly start and a bout of insomnia last night- it's going to be a long day. @MsPeachh I know the feeling about jumping back on OLD. Tbh though, the thought of going back on there makes me feel a bit 🤢, as know I'll have to contend with sleaze and repulsion.

For me 2020 is time to focus on me; year of the man-ban. Unless Ben Fogle presents himself of his white stead, ready to show me the error my ways!

@MsPeachh what happened to make you break things up?

I find, if ever I am weakening and thinking that maybe I should dip my toe in the dating waters again, a quick read through the Relationships board is enough to stiffen my resolve again!

So many cheating, lying and abusive men! I know they aren't all like that, but simply reminding myself of the awfulness that some women go through is enough to make me think 'yup, I'm staying single, thanks.'

Let’s not let them occupy too much of our headspace, it’s a waste of precious time :)
I am starting counselling again today, I need a bit of help.
I seem to let people into my life that shouldn’t be there. It goes back to childhood, of course, so, whilst I am not beating myself up for that, I struggle to find a way to connect the dots. I had an abusive childhood, like many other people, I made my peace with it, but making peace is different from learning from it. I accept what happened to me, I know it’s not my fault, but the thought pattern follows me into my middle age. I seem to be accepting of every anomaly, in a sort of detached way, I am only just learning that being in an abusive relationship is my ‘choice’, I could very well recognise it for what it is and act on it. Instead, to my dismay, I seem to go: well, nobody is perfect, the good outweighed the bad, in their own time it will all be ok. Errrmmm...my last relationship absolutely broke my heart and I need to look inside me and see what I can learn from it.

Today I’m nursing a poorly teenager with a cold and a broken heart, her boyfriend broke up with her last night. So it’s pancakes and hot chocolate and hot baths and paracetamol fiesta in our house.

@1WayOrAnother - you are right about not being able to be independent until recently. What a very depressing thought.

Having said that endless parade of tattooed men with shaved heads - erm, where might these creatures be? I could always have two FWBs 😂

@HeyLala that sounds brilliant - count me in! Apparently, there are some matriarchal cultures where all property etc is passed through the female line, so it's irrelevant who fathers her children, and they live far more communally. Sounds great as long as there is lots of room for your own space.

@MsPeachh - welcome to the man free zone! @Zaphodsotherhead is right about the relationships board. It now gives me the shivers what people put up with.

@BuddhaAtSea - that sounds like a good plan about the counselling. We tend to be attracted to both friends and partners who fit our idea of "normal". But if our normal is negative or abusive, then that's reflected in who we choose. I suppose it's about learning to see good people as normal, and the negative ones for what they are.

Sorry about your daughter. Her boyfriend was obviously stupid for dumping her, and who wants to go out with someone stupid? So she has dodged a bullet! Sending you both some hugs

@mildlymiffed he just made me feel “not enough” for him! He was very laid back and I was always the one who had to initiate. I was beginning to experience this constant low level jealousy and anxiety about whether he actually liked me. I’ve had relationships in the past where I’ve felt secure and happy so I knew that something was not right and it wasn’t just “in my head.” Maybe that’s just how he is and he really did like me but I need affection and attention so whatever way I look at it we just are not compatible!

@MsPeachh you sound better off without him... we all need some level of love and affection. If he wasn't giving you what you need then it's time to move on. But there is that funny void for a while- until life starts to naturally back fill it. I've been struggling with this for the last few weeks. Today has been better though. Tomorrow I am sure will be better again.

Hope everyone in planet singleton is doing well!

Can I join in please? I've been single for about 10 months now since I ended my marriage. I've seen a guy a few times recently but similarly to @MsPeachh I don't think he's giving me the attention and affection I need. So I'll cut my losses.

I'm definitely anxiously attached and had a pretty neglectful childhood so I tend to go for people who can't meet my emotional needs as that's what I know. I'm in therapy and am slowly changing this.

I had a good session this week where I realised that I over invest and place a lot of hope on fledgling relationships. But actually, I am enough as I am whether or not there is a man in my life. And I'm also lucky to have a fantastic circle of really good friends who meet most of my needs. So I don't even need a man!

I think learning to be content on my own will be my greatest achievement.

Heylala I’ve discussed that kind of communal living with my girl friends for many years!
Currently living with my children having divorced H who still tries to be a thorn in my side . What I read on here and see IRL is enough to put me off any man living in again. I’m not good at saying no and I think I attract the wrong men for me.
I too feel very grateful that society has finally moved on enough so that women are able to be self supporting- but there is still that underlying suggestion that we must want a partner.

I have wondered whether communal living will take off. Lots of women not having children. Children moving away for work etc.

@Misty9 It sounds like your therapy is really helping. If you find that you know why you do something but that counselling doesn't help you to stop doing it, I can really recommend CBT. It's fab for situations like yours.

Re communal living - well, it might not have been done much before, but there is nothing to stop us women setting up things like that once the kids have flown the roost, or if otherwise childfree.

I think it would honestly be fabulous. Everyone having their own flat, but then big communal areas to eat and socialise as people want. Fabulous! Is it Denmark which has set ups like that already? I would jump at the chance!

I agree I think communal living like this would be brilliant and it is happening in small pockets around the country. I think I saw some these ladies on the news once: www.owch.org.uk/history

Communal living for older people would be brilliant. Single or widowed or even some couples all in one place, but with their own space to retire to for privacy and quiet. Add in a few animals and it's my perfect idea of life!

Who knows a nice big mansion we can buy?

Hi everyone - can I join please? Thanks for the FB add. I am CW on there and have a yellow jumper on in my profile pic.

I have been single for about 6 months, my knob-head ex dumped me after I was hospitalised for an ovarian cyst that ruptured. Whilst in there I discovered it was very, very unlikely I will be able to conceive and he decided that he couldn't put up with all that and told me it was over when I got home from hospital. What a delightful soul he is!

I am currently living with my parents as I needed a bit of TLC and my aunt has terminal lung cancer so we are all feeling the need to stick together but am really looking forward to moving out and getting my own space.

I have a miniature schnauzer called Scamper and he is all the man I need! I have had him since a puppy and he is 8 now - that's longer than my last 2 relationships have lasted!

I am so much happier now since being on my own - I have been promoted at work and have a great group of friends - I really cant see that I will ever get into a relationship again. I have a FWB that I see every other month - which suits me - I will be very happy to just continue like this!

Thanks for setting up this thread - its great to meet other happy singles x