The Happy Singleton - All welcome!

[SirChing]

Hello, following a thread where I discussed how happy and excited I was to have consciously decided to be single for 2020, it seems there are loads of us out there: People who are single through choice and happy about it.

Some plan on being single forever, some for a shorter time, but none of us are dating or want to date at the moment. We are too busy focusing on the important things in life: us!

This is a thread for anyone who wants to join it, to support and encourage each other, to discuss what we have or hope to learn by being single, and to discuss random practical stuff, like which companies don't charge single supplements for holidays.

Come on in and pull up a chair if you fancy a chat.

Happy 2020 all

@TeachesOfPeaches I have heard that and I honestly believe it's true.

but apparently the happiest people are single women and married men!

Yep single, childless (by choice) women are the happiest!
And of course married men are the happiest, they have wifey to do all the shit-work and make sure their needs are met (do I sound bitter? Lol).

Today my removal men are picking up all my furniture from the storage unit and moving it into the new pad. It'll be really strange to see the contents of my past life! It's been in there for over two years since I separated from stbexdh!

Little terrified. There is a lot of stuff in there and am moving into a substantially smaller house... but as Confucius said "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Today is another step along that journey!

Happy single Monday tribe! We've got this solo thing wrapped up 🤗!

Hi to the Yorkshire Singeletons

@JacquesHammer (West Yorkshire) and
@Zaphodsotherhead (North Yorkshire)

I'm here in South Yorkshire so between us we've got God's Own Country covered

Anyone else out there?

I have children but they are all adult with their own lives. I wonder if single women WITH children are just less happy because it's daunting bringing them up on your own (and tiring). Once they are grown up it's like being childless in all practical ways, but they are there, like five adult friends, if I need them!

Moving house soon. The practicalities are hideous, but I'm looking forward to being in a house I can afford to heat, that belongs to just me. Nobody looking in the spare room and saying 'this can be my man cave'.... what did I get? The bloody kitchen...

May I join? This is such a great thread. I'm 60, H left around 18 months ago after 25 years and I'm now divorced. I lived alone for 9 years before I met him so I'm sort of used to it and much happier overall. Have 2 DSs, one living with me aged 20. Other lives close by with GF.

It's been a shock to suddenly not be part of a smug married couple though. I've made more friends but I don't tend to get invited round by couples anymore which is their problem really. I'm enjoying making male friends (just as friends) which would have provoked major huffiness previously.

Am never again going to own property with anyone else's name on the deeds. I'd be very surprised ever to live with anyone again, I like my space how I like it and there frankly isn't room in the wardrobe for any other clothes. And it turns out I like quite pale feminine decoration in my bedroom...who knew?

I looked at Bumble. Oh please. Men my age are all pretty grim and all want someone younger. And I just can't make a decision on somebody on the strength of a picture and a few tickboxes. So that's not going to work and actually I realised I need some time away to re-mark my boundaries. The only thing I miss sometimes is someone with some physical strength but I can hire that, if only to stop me carrying a chest of drawers up 3 flights of stairs on my own (yes, I did..sheer bloody determination).

Roll on 2020.

Hey @fresh, welcome

Completely with you about the OLD. I'm 53 and men my age are pretty grim too. On the plus side, there are plenty of young men looking for older women — if that sort of thing floats your boat. It does mine on an occasional basis but I've set aside 2020 to focus on ME

I'm not even looking on OLD. I don't want some old bloke who's really looking for someone to cook, clean and fetch for him, which is all that seems to be left for men over 50. They certainly don't seem to make any effort, almost as though any woman over 40 should be grateful to be picked by a bloke who's got most of his own teeth and doesn't go out in his vest.

Single life all the way for me now. And a series of dogs and cats. And possibly another pony, we'll see.

I do find much less criticism of my choice now

I’m 43. Until I hit 40, it seemed like everyone, colleagues etc - endless in my case due to contract work - wanted me to meet someone (and be as miserable as they are). After 40, I was still happy with my choice and people shut up.

I do believe single women are happier. I’ve never had couple friends but it was, er, interesting to see that fall apart when dad died. I guess mum has a clearer idea who her friends are now.

My DS is away until Saturday so a little taste of living by myself coming up.
I have been mulling it over and I think the top advantage is the absolute freedom coming second is eating whatever I want without having to explain it so lovely full cooked thing one day crumpet with you houmous the next and nobody cares.
If I should ever want someone in my life they would have be adding something and improving it in a big way , not that I’m making those plans. I do think though will I ever have sex again? I liked it and I would like it again at some point ten years is a long time !

fresh alot of what you say resonates. I'm a similar age too.

I can't imagine living with someone now. If I had more space I'd have pets, as I do like living creatures being around me. If only I lived on a farm or manor house instead of a tiny HA flat! I do have a teenage son, but he has got some mental development issues, so its not easy for all of us single parents, even when they're grown.

Looking at OLD, I find quite disturbing. The men my age are often in a sorry state. I'm not sure why - have the demands of life done that to them, or they just don't care, or men just don't age so well? The ones that are 'presentable' are clearly aware of that fact and nearly always come across as pretty entitled and want someone 10-25 years younger .

I am quite happy to be (nearly) on my own. My sex drive is not what it was - which was something I always had to deal with and was always looking for a mate for mainly that reason (also love, but always looking for the wrong person in the wrong place for that anyway).

A romantic interest now wouldn't go completely amiss, but I accept that part of my life is probably over. I do however find life - though still often hard - more interesting and beautiful in other ways.

I'm OLD and men in their 30s look grim and not great prospects! I'd rather be alone i think. i do totally get where people are coming from on here

maybe it's a sod's law thing because I'm not interested, but I see lots of good looking men in their 30s around.

I used to joke with my best friend that I'd go for 20s when I hit 45 but I think when I reach that stage, I'll still be thinking "nah, more trouble than it's worth".

To be honest Southern, I don't remember being 'spoiled for choice' in my 30s either ... in fact looking back I wish I had focused more on the kind of things that made me happy and gone for it, as that often leads to our true vocation and happiness in life.

But perhaps thats just me ... men and children have not been a positive thing in my life overall tbh ... but I am sure for others there are better outcomes especially if they have support and luck on their side maybe.

I find the messages boring and dry up OLD and its too much hassle

Evening everyone! It's interesting what you are all saying about the ages of people on OLD. I prefer a man who is a bit older than me. I'm 43 so would want at least 48 and upwards. I find the sex is better My FWB is mid 50s which suits me fine.

@sandgrown - if your name is a clue as to where you are from, this is an ex Layton lass waving over at you! Hope it's getting nicer over there now.

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Yay, another God's Own County dweller. I am fairly near South York's. Between Barnsley and Leeds. Little town beginning with O just off the M1. I can save down to you and up the M1 to Zaphod

Welcome @fresh - you sound like you have got this being single malarkey sorted! It's so liberating isn't it?

@mildlymiffed - good luck with the removals. I did an internal squee on your behalf. I am so excited for you, it's brilliant that you have a new place. For any furniture that doesn't fit and you can't flog, some women's refuge places want stuff for when their ladies get rehomed. Didn't know if you knew. Congratulations on your first bits going in

*wave not save!

I'm a fair way from the M1 SirChing! North Yorkshire is huge and my bit is very rural, however it's nice to know that you are within hailing distance!

I am spending the evening watching true crime stuff on Netflix, eating leftovers and cuddling the dog whilst looking at the huge pile of stuff I need to sort before I move. If a man were here, he'd be tutting and complaining about the mess and trying to get me to tidy up.

Another cup of tea and more staring at the mess, I think. And possibly a biscuit.

I may well be nearer Zaphod than the other Yorkshireites

Another cup of tea and more staring at the mess, I think. And possibly a biscuit

The perfect approach to all house tidying missions I think. Then write a list of what needs doing and congratulate yourself on a job well planned! 😂

@JacquesHammer Of course, you are up this way too aren't you! Well, as Zaphod says, you are still in hailing distance should I win the Euromillions and require a lovely bunch of ladies to take some dosh off my hands and come on holiday

Oh all right. If I win over £50 million I will invite the Southern lot too!

Evening all! Furniture is in!! A shed load to flog, but it's beginning to take shape. The removal guys were patient with me, and allowed me to take my time deciding what came to the house and what went into a smaller storage unit. Stuff has been photographed for sale. And I'm feeling buoyant. @sirching thanks for the squeee! I've been squeeing all day! Now pass the biscuits and the remote and we'll get settled.

I'm having a solo Nando's whilst waiting for boy wonder to finish at cubs. It's all glam in the south! Not sure when I'd have time for a fella. Nor would they be able to keep up with the rock 'n' roll lifestyle 🤨😂

@sirching I'll take that as a binding agreement seeing as it's in writing!!

@mildlymiffed If I won £50 million you could do I would be a shite lottery winner. Put some away for DD then give most of it away. So much more rewarding to make lots of people and organisations happy.

Nandos sounds good. And your removal people sound brilliant. Its so exciting. Hope your DC likes the house too!

A lot of men are just shits though. I’ve just got home after a train journey where I had to sit behind 4 respectable looking men, in their 30s, discussing women, OLD and relationships. I was fuming but felt compelled to keep listening. Now I’m home I just feel disappointed.

Their opinions:

Single mums are worth a shag, if they’re still attractive - take them out first, if they’ve let themselves go - just go round with a bottle of wine. See if you can get a FWB situation going, never move in though as you don’t want to end up paying for someone else’s child.

The childless women are all bitter and depressed. Don’t touch with a barge pole, they’re all bunny boilers. Unless they own their own house and earn a decent salary, in which case they’re worth a shot.

They all agreed on, go younger mate, it’s the only way. I did feel like pointing out that when I was in my 20s my friends and I thought older men, who chatted us up, were just creeps and didn’t stand a chance - we were all after someone who was at least our generation.

I could do with a glass of wine to calm me down but I’m doing dry January. Good luck with your single lives, sadly, despite the fact that it’s 2020, misogyny clearly lives on and if you’ve been meeting dicks like this lot then you are absolutely better off single.