Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

Shitty thing to do in my opinion. I hope you’ll be on call to drive her around when they take her licence. Doesn’t sound like she’s actually night blind, more the thing everyone gets with the bright headlights these days. If she wasn’t safe to drive fair enough but sounds like you’ve had a knee jerk reaction.

Maybe we need to send half the driving population to a consultant for glare at night.

Becaause 45% say they find glare at night difficult. That's millions and millions of people

OP. Can you answer this?
What did you hope to achieve from dobbing your Mum in to the DVLA?
That they would stop her driving altogether?

So why didn't you report this 15 or 10 or 5 years ago?

She's not had 1 accident in all that time but you choose to report her now

Stop drip feeding and trying to justify yourself

You were out of line

But OP's mother has been checked, by the opticians or opthalmologists who gave her the go-ahead to go back to driving in the first place.

I think I must have missed the government passing a law banning doctors from making mistakes. Clearly the election was a lot more frantic than I realised.

You've overstepped completely, no wonder your mum has hit the roof. I'm raging on her behalf.

Roussette Tue 07-Jan-20 16:24:55
Fuck me.

She had the operation in 2003. This gets worse

lol

If she wasn’t safe to drive fair enough but sounds like you’ve had a knee jerk reaction

knee jerk to what though? The operation in 2003? I'm confused by all of this

I have a pair of very low prescription glasses with a reflective coating which I keep in my glove box and use when driving at night. They reduce glare and road signs are a bit 'crisper'. It gives me a bit more confidence as I'm not keen on night driving. I'm not sure the cheapo yellow glasses you see advertised are very good for the eyes.

I also think you did the dirty on your mother. Try to put it right now.

In this case I do NOT think you did the right thing. Everyone struggles a bit in the dark with glare. I do. I’m a glasses wearer but have no conditions and I find it a struggle sometimes. But I don’t need reporting and neither did your mum. If she’s able in all other ways to make decisions for herself and she had already restricted herself to avoid where possible driving in the dark then why would you do this. If the DVLA remove her licence for this, you may have seriously affected her quality of life. Your poor Mum.

Just out of interest, those advocating reporting people to the DVLA on any suspicion of incompetence, however weak or unproven - do you also do this for young drivers, or is it only old (and experienced) people who are targeted for this treatment?

you'll see that the minor detail you're referring to has JUST been discovered via phone call

But why didn't you ensure you had all the details before you contacted the DVLA? Trying to justify your action by reference to what your mother told you today just doesn't work.

What did you hope to achieve from dobbing your Mum in to the DVLA?

Maybe saving a life ? Or two ?

I think overall Shesalittlemadam you did this with good intent.

Yes it will cause a lot of greif to your mum no one likes being told that they can't or ought not drive and its hitting a lot of older drivers like poor old Prince Phill even;!

That said got some previous here re licencing and driving the DVLA usually need some medical evidence that a person has good enough eyesight to drive, or put that another way medical evidence that they are safe enough.

I think your mums bright enough to realize her own limiations and yes it would have been easier if she'd discussed it with you, but she didnt and you thought what you were doing was for the best.

Best bet now is to consult her GP for a refereal to an eye speclist and get them to write to the DVLA so they can decide if shes OK to drive and they may, as best I remember, possibly put some limiations on her licence.

If you were my daughter?. I'd be annoyed but i could see that you did care for me and you did what you thought best under difficult and awkward circumstances for my safety and that of other road users.

Make it up to your mum, i believe that they do race days at Brands hatch sounds to me shes a bit of a speed merchant her:)

Bless!

You have messed up, so try and put it right. My optician was talking about the problem with headlights at night these days just the other week.

WeBuiltThisBuffet

Exactly.

This poor Mum is a fantastic driver but because of her age she gets reported.

I think I must have missed the government passing a law banning doctors from making mistakes. Clearly the election was a lot more frantic than I realised.

If presented with, on the one hand, the medical opinion of a qualified and experienced medical professional, and, on the other hand, the individual's totally unqualified daughter, why would you assume that it must be the doctor who has got it wrong, SerendipityJane?

Maybe saving a life ? Or two ?

Because of night glare which it is shown that 45% of the population suffers from?
Don't be ridiculous.

The OP has already said what a fantastic driver her Mum is.

Just because she's 75 doesn't make her incompetent and useless

Just out of interest, those advocating reporting people to the DVLA on any suspicion of incompetence, however weak or unproven - do you also do this for young drivers, or is it only old (and experienced) people who are targeted for this treatment?

Whilst acknowledging the subject creep, medical grounds for revoking a licence have nothing to do with competence. If a driver has passed their test, they have passed their test.

Unless I misread the OPs OP (I try not to) their concerns were primarily about their DMs vision. In particular night vision. Nothing to do with competence.

If I knew of a young driver - maybe just turned 17 - who was trying to hide epilepsy, I would "dob them in" in a heartbeat. I hate funerals.

OP that was not a nice thing to do. You treated your mum like a child and it could have had huge repercussions for her like having her licence revoked.

If she's 75 then she'll have been signed off as fit to drive at age 70 and age 73 surely?

Who doesn't struggle with glare from headlights? Even people in their 20's do! Should they all lose their licence, too? You dobbed your mum in for something that is completely normal.

Just wondering if you drive at all?

Just read your updates OP and it makes no difference. Clearly you’re in the defensive now, probably because you are aware from our reaction that you’ve massively messed up here.

@AHintOfStyle No, she wasn't, oddly

Well then she doesn't have a valid driving licence anyway

So now what have you achieved?