Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

Wow, if I had been in your position I would have only thought to do two things...

1. Ask mum to avoid driving in the evening for now.

1. Pop her along to the opticians to check she doesn’t need glasses for driving or glare.

Reporting her to the DVLA wouldn’t have even crossed my mind, even if she did kick me out at 15.

My grandad is nearly 90 and still driving.

Sounds like you’re a bit controlling and a bit of a busy body in all honesty.

Clearly the OP's Mum has not been a good Mum. Maybe she therefore doesn't feel the loyalty towards her that most of us might.

@ajandjjmum "Clearly the OP's mum has not been a good mum..."

REALLY?
Look up Ad Hominem and whilst you're about it a quick reference to sweeping statements wouldn't go amiss.

Clearly the OP's Mum has not been a good Mum. Maybe she therefore doesn't feel the loyalty towards her that most of us might.

What an absurd conclusion to arrive at. I feel no loyalty to the woman I passed in the biscuit aisle in Sainsbury's today as I've never seen her before and she's a stranger to me - nevertheless, I still didn't feel the need to maliciously report her for suspected shoplifting.

pallasathena and WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

In the words of the OP

This is a woman who made me homeless at 15 and then refused to believe me when I finally told her about the abuse I'd suffered from my dad - her husband of 40+ years!

Maybe think again?

I still don't see what loyalty has to do with any of it. In such circumstances, your options would normally be to either attempt to repair the relationship, reduce contact or cut them completely out of your life.

Why ever would you choose such a bizarre and PA way of getting back at somebody all of those years later?

OP, are you autistic? I only ask because I am and this is the kind of thing I have done, only not as extreme. You see a ‘rule’ and are told it’s dangerous to break it and that we have a duty to report what is dangerous - and you miss the shades of grey.

From the outside it looks like you are being malicious and you can’t understand why?

Apologies if I’m way off the mark. But like I say, I’ve had comparable experiences.

OP, are you autistic? I only ask because I am and this is the kind of thing I have done, only not as extreme. You see a ‘rule’ and are told it’s dangerous to break it and that we have a duty to report what is dangerous - and you miss the shades of grey.

To be fair I think this is just maliciousness on her part, but if OP is autistic and it may affect her driving, that too needs to be declared to the DVLA.

And if that is the case, that makes the OP a bit of a hypocrite.

(Disclaimer, I’m autistic and have declared to the DVLA - they give you a three-year license for anything classified as a mental health problem, and autism/ADHD are considered as such for this purpose)

You see a ‘rule’ and are told it’s dangerous to break it and that we have a duty to report what is dangerous - and you miss the shades of grey.

Surely you would have checked what night blindness actually was before deciding someone had it though?
There are no "shades of grey' ops mum does not have night blindness.

I am rubbish at night driving due glare from lights so I tend not to but would if I needed to. Nothing wrong with my eyes just the brightness of the led lights.

Boots do Zeiss Night Vision Lens also work in low winter day light conditions @Shesalittlemadam
Here's a link

www.boots.com/opticians/zeiss-drivesafe-lenses-

Is OP coming Back?

night-blindness, is a condition making it difficult or impossible to see in relatively low light. It is a symptom of several eye diseases.

Night blindness is not struggling with glare from lights. No one likes glare

Does anyone (apart from avoiding the rush hours) like driving at night?

Lights, especially LED ones, hurt my eyes. I choose not to do my journeys (not work) at night, should I be reported for wanting to drive in daylight hours?

@ajandjjmum That was added AFTER the thread went against her and she could not cope, and is at odds with the way she speaks about her mother in her OP.

So I really don't put any stock in that or believe it.

You don’t automatically have to declare autism to the DVLA. Or a mental health issue. Sorry to derail!

Whoever said that surely you’d check what night blindness is, yes I would!!