Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

@Shesalittlemadam

I have trouble with the glare from headlights at night because some are a lot brighter than they used to be. Infact I have sensitive eyes it is because they are very light in colour and I have always been the same. I wear sunglasses even in the winter because the sun is low in the sky. I think Bono is the same as me and has sensitive eyes. I don't need glasses for driving because I have recently had my eyes tested. so think you are being a bit unreasonable to report her to the DVLA.

Your own DM? I mean really. She has a diagnosis my sister has. You say she is a good driver but finds night driving tough as do I. You go off behind her back and write to the DVLA. I would only ever do that if I was seriously concerned about my mother's safety as a driver and she didn't listen to me. However my mother would and if I was worried my first line would be to arrange an eye test for her and take her a long. You jumped feet first into reporting her. I don't even know what to say to that but I am
Shocked

She doesn't like glare so she avoids driving, so she put her own safety measures in place?
So now she can't drive at all?
Are you prepared to drive her whereever she wants whenever she wants?

(I'm 49 and I don't particularly like glare particularly as the roads are not well lit now.)

I Think it was unreasonable of you. You will have affected her independence and you say yourself that she avoids driving at night - this should have been enough for you. I don’t like night driving and struggle with the glare from lights but it doesn’t mean I can’t see it’s just a pain.

I don’t think you should have done this, however I believe your intentions were for the best and no malice intended
I think the opposite to that, given OP's latter posts.

if you take emotion and relationships out of the situation then yes you could say you have done the right thing. If she had had an accident any policeman or judge would say you did the right thing

How has She? Her mum doesn't have night blindness op.just saw the term and decided she has it without actually lnowing what night blindness is and reported her for it. She said herself her mum is an very good driver.
Op made a false report that's all kinds of wrong.

I had the same problem years ago. I mentioned it when I went to my optician. (I go to see a family optician, but get my prescription filled at Specsavers). He said when I go to get my glasses, speak to them about the second pair being "night drivers". There a sort of yellowy orange colour. The dramatically reduce glare at night, and "bounce back" in fog.
Just a thought. It might work for her too.
But you did the right thing. What if she's coming towards my daughter and I, gets glared, drifts in to my lane and kills me, or my daughter or both!!!! That was being really selfish and inconsiderate by not addressing it herself. Thank you for thinking of other road users, and your DM by keeping all safe... 😁👍

She has addressed it herself. She decided to avoid driving at night. What about the rest of the population coming towards you, blinded by your lights? 45% of drivers have a problem with it.

What you should have done is observed her driving at night on multiple occasions and see the extent of her issue first hand, maybe even get a qualified instructor for a few hours to show her how to drive safely at night and see what the instructor says. Nonetheless as cars are getting newer head lamps are getting brighter and most motorist struggle with glare and vision, if not find it very annoying (and this in itself is a distraction while driving). There were also so many other ways to help her, you can buy stickers that go over your mirrors that reduce glare and ones that you can put over your own headlamps if you deem they are too bright. And if all else failed then you could have threatened to go to the DVLA , but to go behind her back and do it was really shady. And that's probably one of the worst things you can do to elder person, take away their independence. If the DVLA give her her licence back, and she forgives you, do the steps above if you're still worried about her driving.

But you did the right thing. What if she's coming towards my daughter and I, gets glared, drifts in to my lane and kills me, or my daughter or both!!!! That was being really selfish and inconsiderate by not addressing it herself. Thank you for thinking of other road users, and your DM by keeping all safe.

Ffs no the didn't. She lied about a medical condition.
A huge percentage of people hate driving at night due to glare are you suggesting we are all banned from.driving?

Btw her mum did address it by cutting down on only driving at night if she had to. Now she has to prove to DVLA that she can drive at any time.

OP maybe your time would be better spent pursuing the providers of whichever device you use to access the internet as it clearly doesn't allow you to access Google.

Your poor mum, I'm sorry if you're already feeling bad but that was a terrible thing to do. Most people suffer with the brightness of some headlights, it's not the same thing as night blindness at all. I don't blame her for falling out with you, and I can't really believe you reacted in such a way. If she genuinely was a danger to other road users I'd have been able to understand it, but the doctors even seemed her safe. It would appear you have a lot of grovelling to do

But you did the right thing. What if she's coming towards my daughter and I, gets glared, drifts in to my lane and kills me, or my daughter or both!!!! That was being really selfish and inconsiderate by not addressing it herself. Thank you for thinking of other road users, and your DM by keeping all safe

What if she gets telepathically abducted by alien zombies and the car is suddenly left without a driver to wreak carnage? Considering that 100% of drivers are doing so under the same Sun, so the glare could affect anybody equally, you might as well ban everybody from driving in an attempt to keep us all safe.

I have a notifiable medical condition, which I have informed the DVLA of and subsequently have to renew my licence every three years. It is well controlled. Many, many drivers are in exactly the same situation. In fact, the nature of the condition means that many folk with it will have associated disabilities meaning that their personal dependence relies far more on being able to drive than it might for those without any medical issues. A few tragedies have happened in the past and made the headlines when people with the same condition have acted irresponsibly and recklessly and have gone on to kill innocent people through driving dangerously. The reaction has always been that people with this condition shouldn't be allowed to drive at all 'to keep everybody safe'.

What if the dangerous driver in one of these cases had also been 62 years old, called Trevor and from Southampton? Would you also demand that all 62yos, all men called Trevor and all residents of Southampton be banned from driving 'to keep everybody safe'?

It's the easiest thing in the world to get other people's rights and independence taken away, but just wait until somebody comes along with very spurious grounds trying to take yours away from you.

But you did the right thing. What if she's coming towards my daughter and I, gets glared, drifts in to my lane and kills me, or my daughter or both!!!! That was being really selfish and inconsiderate by not addressing it herself

How would she get glared in broad daylight?

The mother didn’t drive in the dark because of the glare from other road users

Op didn’t stop anything.

So what about Americans and others who drive on the other side of the road in their home countries, coming over here and doing just that....

Perhaps we should ban them from driving over here too. Look at the Harry Dunn case. Heartbreaking.

MNHQ are deleting this shortly anyway

Stated so confidently too.

Totally the wrong thing to do IMO. Not surprised she's fallen out with you. You acted without being in full knowledge of the facts and have caused serious upset in her life as a result.

What if she's coming towards my daughter and I, gets glared, drifts in to my lane and kills me, or my daughter or both!!!!

Having momentary discomfort with glare doesn't automatically make people move their hands on the wheel and drift - rather the contrary. Plus a lot of cars have warnings if you drift over a line.

My thought (or so I'd like to think, seems some here might take issue with the word) processes were:

OP: I've become concerned about someones vision not being up to scratch when they drive [incidental details] did I do the right thing reporting them to the DVLA ?

SJ (that's me smile): Yes - if there is any doubt better safe than sorry.

A bit of convenient editing there, Serendipity. OP said she was worried because she thought her mother had Night Blindness. She could have discovered with a minute's googling that she didn't. So there couldn't be any "Better safe than sorry" element.

I’ve Always had lights glaring at night causing me problems I have nothing wrong with my eyes either it’s one of those things

I think it was a nasty thing to do to your mother. Very nasty indeed. It smacks of 'informing on someone'....you know....like they did in WWII to anyone who didn't conform to the groupthink.
Like I said..........nasty.

So given the choice between showing her an advert for night driving glasses and asking her if she thinks they might help, and lying to the DVLA about a condition she hasn't got, you went with the latter? And you were expecting this thread to go your way OP?

No! YABU

I thought I was going to read a story about how she has dementia (been there, it’s a nightmare) but this sounds like such an overreaction. And extremely underhand to do it behind your DM’s back!

*Wow one off the cuff remark and you chose to go behind her back and report her! Not speak to her just report her. Yes, you've fucked up.

She's going to have to be careful what she says in front of you in the future because you'll have her signed up for the nearest nursing home first time she says she couldn't get the lid off the marmalade.*

Exactly my thoughts. Whatever the outcome with the DVLA/Doctors etc, and from what you've said I see no issue with your Mum continuing to be allowed to drive (disclaimer, I've only read as far as the copied comment above, will read on) - THIS is the issue - you've infantilised your Mum, panicked and reported, and destroyed a massive amount of trust between you. How will she ever trust you with ANY health details in the future? If I was your Mum, I would be absolutely gutted that instead of asking more questions about my experiences driving, or checking more details, you've gone off and reported on the back of ONE COMMENT. You're daft OP, absolutely daft and ridiculous to do so.