Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

I'll go against the grain here, and say that I'd much rather that a driver with a suspected visual defect (or indeed any medical condition that could affect their driving) - even if it turned out to be baseless - was reported and checked over by the appropriate experts. Which is not a panel of MNistas.

But the DM had been signed off for driving by the doctors.... Or do you think the doctors don't know what they are doing?

My dad doesn't drive at night for this reason but he has no vision problems. He just finds the glare difficult. I find it difficult sometimes too! I think YWBVU. Your poor mum.

I'll go against the grain here, and say that I'd much rather that a driver with a suspected visual defect (or indeed any medical condition that could affect their driving) - even if it turned out to be baseless - was reported and checked over by the appropriate experts. Which is not a panel of MNistas.

But OP's mother has been checked, by the opticians or opthalmologists who gave her the go-ahead to go back to driving in the first place. If they thought she was dangerous to drive at night, they'd undoubtedly have said so. For an unqualified relative to decide that they might be wrong, without even finding out what night blindness is, is really way out of order.

Do you drive OP?

How can you say shes a fab driver and then go ahead and report her.

I'd be furious too.

I opened this thinking you were going to say your mother repeatedly drank four bottles of chianti then drove up the M6 on the wrong side of the road.

She was cleared to drive. She sounds as if she knows her own limitations. Do what you can to fix this.

for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

What an ageist, awful thing to say about anyone.

Most 75-year-olds are perfectly competent, decent drivers.

You say your DM won't listen to your reasons for doing it?

What are your reasons?

If you were worried, why didn't you go out with her one night? Why didn't you talk more about it with her? Why didn't you go with her to the opticians and ask them?

I can only presume you have an awful relationship with her and have shopped her to the DVLA

Can I just clarify, having just (finally) spoken to her about it at length - she avoids driving at night because the glare causes her to sometimes and temporarily struggle to see at all. She says she it does make her scared.

As I said, she hasn't had her licence revoked? I'm not sure where PP's are getting this from??

They have told her she is free to drive until/unless proven otherwise. She got the letter today, requesting a letter from consultant.

Jesus H Christ, calm down you lot!

OP, before you get all CAPITALY and SHOUTY maybe you should clarify what you meant by 'she got the letter'?

Ignore the poster who suggested giving her sunglasses to wear when driving at night, that is a whole other level of madness.

Nobody did...

Anyway OP, without entering a pile on, I think you can see here that you’ve been heavy handed at best. Night blindness is hugely different to struggling with glare, I’d suggest most drivers find glare an issue at night to varying degrees (I do). I think you need to contact the DVLA and explain your mix up.

cross post! But you could have put that minor detail in your original post and maybe you'd have got a less outraged response?

But would her doctor/optician who cleared her for driving checked for night blindness or has she told them she's struggling with glare from headlights? Presumably not or she'd have been able to put the op's mind at ease and told her that.

OP you have definitely got the right name.

Never was a username more apt.

@multicolour But the DM had been signed off for driving by the doctors.... Or do you think the doctors don't know what they are doing?

She was signed off for driving after her op in 2003!!!!!

' I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!'

Surely reporting somebody to the DVLA is appropriate if:

You are their doctor (although even they normally tell the patient that they will need to contact them themselves);
You KNOW that they have a notifiable condition and that, despite repeated requests, THEY have refused to notify the DVLA of it;
You have extremely good grounds to be CERTAIN that they are a danger (e.g. they regularly mount pavements, bump into lamp posts and don't even notice that they're doing it).

What you did was disgraceful. It's the driving equivalent of reporting somebody to Social Services because they comment that their kids are sometimes a real handful and leave them exhausted.

What kind of person would appoint themselves as a doctor based on the universal laws of 'I reckon' and, on that basis, actively seek to take away somebody else's rights and independence - much less their own mother?

If I were you, I'd be prepared for her to be furious with you for a very long time and to be constantly guarded in what she tells you in future. Sad to say, I think you've irreparably damaged your relationship with her now and things will never be the same between you.

@equa But OP's mother has been checked, by the opticians or opthalmologists who gave her the go-ahead to go back to driving in the first place. If they thought she was dangerous to drive at night, they'd undoubtedly have said so. For an unqualified relative to decide that they might be wrong, without even finding out what night blindness is, is really way out of order.

Again, that was in 2003 after the OP.

Please see my update

So. Your DM isn't capable of making a decision not to drive at night.

Funny how you added that she is 'scared'. You never said that in the OP.

So. She is a competent driver. But you decide to report her to the DVLA and she now has to provide consultants letters etc. If she is a competent driver, why couldn't you trust her to be responsible for her own driving?

I'm afraid I can't calm down, given I've had the same op (or similar) done and I am imagining my kids reporting me to the DVLA. I am not surprised your DM is upset and cross.

She was signed off for driving after her op in 2003!!!!!

Then why have you written your post to lead everyone here believe this was a recent op?

Fuck me.

She had the operation in 2003. This gets worse

@FatherRabulaConundrum If you read my update properly, you'll see that the minor detail you're referring to has JUST been discovered via phone call

But the DM had been signed off for driving by the doctors.... Or do you think the doctors don't know what they are doing?

So how do you know the OPs DM is still fit to drive, pray tell ?

I'll say it again. If there is any doubt, I'd completely back the course of action to get it checked. Especially as there is on average a thread a week on MN where someone is agonising over reporting someone who they feel could be endangering other lives on the road.

Only a few weeks ago there was a heart rending story of an old git who killed someone when they stubbornly insisted on driving.

At the end of the day - for now at least - OP only has to answer to her own conscience, not the MN jury.

I'm glad she hasn't lost her licence based on your tale-telling. I still don't think she'll forgive you for this any time soon.

She was signed off for driving after her op in 2003

Another detail that you could have put in the OP, which clearly implies that the operation was relatively recent.