Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

You did the right thing. There was a horrifying story on radio 2 last year about an elderly gentleman who's eye sight had deteriorated and he didnt tell a soul. He hit a young woman out wedding dressing shopping. Il never forget it.
I would always report anyone I thought could be dangerous and let the dvla decide.

@serendipity

Yes, that was it. Shoot me

"I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote).*

With the new modern blue lights a lot of people do, I drive a small car and if I am going towards one of the larger cars with the blue lights at night then they are right at my eye level and I struggle as they are so bright. Struggling a bit with the glare from lights is not a reason to report to the DVLA.

If presented with, on the one hand, the medical opinion of a qualified and experienced medical professional, and, on the other hand, the individual's totally unqualified daughter, why would you assume that it must be the doctor who has got it wrong, SerendipityJane?

Oh give over. No one on this thread - and there's been plenty of judgement - has examined the OPs DM or professed to being an internationally renowned ophthalmic opthamologist.

And people are repeatedly ignoring my caveat of in the event of doubt.

I struggle with the glare from lights at night, it’s very common! Not the same as night blindness!! I would be very upset if you had done that to me

Best bet now is to consult her GP for a refereal to an eye speclist and get them to write to the DVLA so they can decide if shes OK to drive and they may, as best I remember, possibly put some limiations on her licence

Totally disagree. The only restrictions the DVLA will do is getting you to renew your licence more often. Why does she need an eye specialist for night glare which 45% of drivers suffer from?

Why can't a 75 year old decide whether she is comfortable driving or not? I get glare. I drive at night if I have to, but I don't choose to.

I would always report anyone I thought could be dangerous and let the dvla decide.

Probably best running it past this thread first.

if she was that good a driver she wouldn't chuck the toys, she would get herself properly assessed by an optician. 'a massive go', 'hugely upset' - the woman needs to grow up and think. If she's safe, fine, if not, then she doesn't drive at night under any circumstances.

no-one in the UK ever NEEDS to drive. There are taxis.

better safe than killing someone's breadwinner.

I'm quite sure it's now for a doctor and the dvla to decide now shes reported it.
Surely let the professionals (driving and health) make the decision?
Persecuting the Op isnt going to help.
If they decide shes fit to drive, as you all think she is. Then no dramas.

If shes not then they have made that assessment.

Wow one off the cuff remark and you chose to go behind her back and report her! Not speak to her just report her. Yes, you've fucked up.

She's going to have to be careful what she says in front of you in the future because you'll have her signed up for the nearest nursing home first time she says she couldn't get the lid off the marmalade.

@Shesalittlemadam
Sorry, do you mean she didn't reapply for her licence at 70 and then 73?

But @forumdonkey a lot of elderly people are reluctant to give up driving when they should have long ago

I think the OP felt she had no choice and was trying to protect her mother.

The letter will ask the driver to go and see their Gp (from memeroy).

If shes a capable driver and her health has no impact then theres no problem

OP is trying to keep her mother safe

You were completely in the wrong.
If have treated her as a child, afforded her no respect and completely rode roughshod over her and her independence.

The vast majority of people know when they can no longer drive safely and remove themselves from the road.

I'm raging on your mothers behalf. I'm not sure I would ever forgive you to be honest. I would certainly never trust you to tell you anything again.

You are her daughter. You are meant to have her back.

There are taxis

We don't all live in London.

I told my adult DCs that my night glare was worse after my operation. I was very very careful initially but I am totally used to it now and was at the opticians in November and we talked about night driving, I will be no different to any other poster on here who talks of not liking the glare of headlights at night.

So glad my DCs didn't decide to ring the DVLA about me driving at night

OP, why are you avoiding the question of whether you drive or not? Because you may have to drive her around if she loses her licence.

I think the OP felt she had no choice and was trying to protect her mother.

And unknown innocents ,,,,,

@sillysmiles my friend works in road safety, most people DONT remove themselves from the road. They want their independence. Theyve always driven and they convince themselves they're fine.

The consequences of unfit drivers being on the road is horrific

SerendipityJane, you need to give over. The simple fact as presented in the OP is that a qualified professional said it was OK for her mum to drive, it was OP who decided otherwise. It's ridiculous to suggest we must all base our views on whether we have personally examined the person in question and have the required expertise. It's not good enough to say that's absolutely fine because "if in doubt" people should be kept off the road. Taking your argument to logical conclusions, if the principle were that we should always report "if in doubt", then if we're one of the 40+% who find glare difficult to cope with we should all be shopping ourselves to the DVLA - even if our opticians have told us we're fine to drive.

Also with car tax, petrol, Mot, actual price of car... its cheaper to use taxis round here than own a car! I'm not in london, there are no uber's round here

She told me she was scared and she has the general attitude of "It'll be fine" when it comes to everything in life. My Dad was the same and ended up discovering he had end stage Heart Failure.

I was just worried about my Mum. Worried about others on the road.

I just called DVLA. Her licence will remain in place unless she is proven to be unfit. In which case she's unfit, right?

Apparently I'm not the only person who has done this re: a family member. I know it doesn't make it right but 🤷🏼‍♀️

Give up the bullying now please. Point taken

@Equanima

It was in 2003 when the Doc said she was ok to drive??

I think you were wrong.

Some of the newer headlights are horrible and are super bright which means you can't see past them, if that makes sense.

Night blindness isn't the same as struggling with the overly bright headlights.

I had to pull over the other day because some knob blinded me with his main beams. It was like staring at a lighthouse 🙄😂.

Thanks for trying to make the roads safer @Shesalittlemadam
I agreed with you for what its worth.
My friend works for the local police in road safety and it's tragic the consequences of unsafe drivers staying on the road

I am speechless

The consequences of unfit drivers being on the road is horrific
Yes, of course. There are many unfit drivers on the roads, drink drivers, people driving without a licence or insurance, people with rage issues, 17 year olds who miraculously pass their tests with little to know experience, the list goes on.
But this is someone who struggles with glare from headlights in the dark, which I also do, and I’m in my 40s. has no memory issues, no age related issues that the OP has told us about and her own daughter reports her, for having a condition she doesn’t even have?!