Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

I'm with you OP. I have a crush on my gym instructor, I can't(or don't want to) do anything about it as he takes the class I really enjoy going to. He is hot (not sure if he is single but according to Facebook he is divorced) and I lose all sense of being a grown woman when he talks to me(go all shy and a bit cheeky) . The worst bit is, I'm always in my gym kit when I see him (which is nearly every day) and his classes always have me dripping in sweat by the end so I can't even act sophisticated and cool😂.

Omg YES to the losing all sense of being a grown up! I'm ok if I'm by myself but if I'm with friends and having a conversation as I walk by I end up all giggly and hysterical. I'm honestly worse than when I was a teenager I think!

I love that you go to the gym so often though, I really miss the gym and it's one of the things that I've had to give up since being a single mum as I just can't afford the childcare. I make it usually once a week but recently found some photos from when I was younger and MUCH thinner and used to go every day before work and I miss how good I felt in myself back then. I miss that proper exhausted, sweaty, endorphin fuelled euphoria and not having to choose outfits based on how they make my stomach look

@Needtogetbackinthesack I only started going two months ago after a series of knock backs made my confidence hit rock bottom. A friend told me it would help with working on me. He was right my confidence has slowly started coming back and now I'm at the point where I flirt with my hot gym instructor without thinking he would be repulsed by me(I'd like to think the attraction might be mutual😬). I also have another a reason for going so often as I may be going to Ibiza this summer and want to tone up and lose weight so I look semi okay in a bikini (years of neglect and a love of cake have taken their toll).

I can beat your ridiculous crush - I fancy my kids head teacher Even aside from the fact that I'm in the middle of separating it's definitely not something I could act on!

@MymbleClement ah I think that's lovely, I'd love to fancy one of my kids teachers it's such a wholesome job haha! I think there's something really sexy about an intelligent man who loves kids.

@Isitreally77 the gym does wonders for my confidence too. I've gone from quite thin to quite plump and although it's quite unfashionable now I do much prefer myself thinner. I say that as I'm sat in the gym cafe eating carrot cake and doing some work to hide from the kids

This guy clearly fancies you too one of you just needs to be brave and ask the other one out on a date good luck!

Needtogetbackinthesack just ask him out! If I wasn't mid-separation I'd probably take a deep breath and take a punt on mine. So do it for me

Ok... so how does one ask out a complete stranger?! What should I say!?? The thought of it makes me all tingly inside... then slightly sick with terror

@MymbleClement lol taking one for the team...

(Also technically I'm still mid separation, got my decree nisi but the kids and finance shit is being dragged out by my shit of an ex and shows no sign of an end yet. But mentally I've been out for years so I consider myself fair game haha!)

Needtogetbackinthesack I feel a bit like that. My marriage has been dead as a dodo for years and I'd been planning the separation at least a year before I mentioned it.

Just go and ask him if he'd like to go for a drink at the end of the week? We only get one life...feel the fear and do it anyway

@Mymbleclement and @Needtogetbackinthesack I'm the same just about to start the divorce process been separated for two years (all very amicable and we're still best friends in fact he would be happy for me!).

Think we should all see how things progress over the next few weeks.

Isitreally77 how lovely that you are amicable. I'm hoping my ex will meet someone and that will make it easier to move on.

We aren't amicable AT ALL - and haven't been for years. I think the last time we enjoyed each other's company was long before my 3yo was born, it's been a really lonely few years. We went in a family holiday that was the final nail in the coffin - there had been lots of abuse but I was hopeful that maybe one day he'd change, but this holiday was the loneliest ten days of my life - we literally didn't talk, were in different bedrooms by 7pm every night and he never wanted to do any of the evening activities or get a drink etc and I knew then I couldn't take it any longer. I left about 6 weeks later.

So now... I'm long overdue some hot dates!

@MymbleClement it wasn't always like it especially at the beginning, it took a lot to get to where we are (and him buggering off travelling for 6 months). He has just got a new girlfriend so I feel it's my time to find someone as I don't need to feel guilty.

@Needtogetbackinthesack go for it, what have you got to lose. Enjoy those long overdue hot dates and hopefully one of them will be the kind man you deserve.

@Needtogetbackinthesack that's terribly sad. Although my situation is not dissimilar. It's time for you to have some happiness!

Ah thank you - I don't feel sad about it at all now, by the time I left I was so sick of it that I literally haven't cried once.

But I do feel like it's my time now to enjoy some happiness and fun!

Ah this is so lovely, I hope we all meet someone nice For a bit of fun even if it's not the people we have crushes on right now

@Needtogetbackinthesack I don't feel sad, I do feel exhilarated and a bit scared. I feel like I did all my grieving in the five odd years I was so unhappy. I cried so much there's nothing left.

I hope so too! Do I ask my teacher out you've emboldened me slightly!

I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet and ask him out.

@MymbleClement YES YES YES do it!!!! Use that exhilaration and just do it. I think the main reason I haven't is because we don't really see each other for proper conversations, if I could just chat to him properly every day I probably would ask him out but I find it hard to shoehorn a date request into a ten second exchange once a week, it doesn't feel natural

@Needtogetbackinthesack I know exactly what you mean. I have had some nice chats with mine and I think there's a spark - but they're frequently interrupted by one of my children tapping me on the arm over and over again which does tend to kill the moment somewhat

Can you have a hunt about locally for something like a charity fundraiser or quiz night or something like that, for a night you don't have to have the DC or can find a babysitter - then take along a flyer and say 'let me know if you can be my +1?

@Ariela I'm going to a charity ball in a couple of months, maybe I'll wait til then when I'll at least be a bit dressed up and ask him.

It made me so happy seeing him today, I'm slightly gutted that my mum is coming to school pick up tomorrow which means we'll be late and he'll have gone home so I'll only get a quick wave in the morning instead of my "I'm busy locking up the office" chat. Sigh 💔😆

I saw mine today, I feel like a teenager. He has such kind eyes. I really need to get over this silly crush or at least have the guts to talk to him more and find more out about him.

You definitely should talk to him!! I just love this feeling of being a giddy teenager I kind of don't want it to end and kind of want to throw myself at him 😆🙈😱

Yes the giddiness is actually a really nice feeling, not had that for a very long time. I just don't want to make a fool of myself but I can't get him out of my head.