Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

Hmm ok so I have an update... I spoke to him. And I don't think I fancy him I think close up he's actually quite a lot older than I thought, possibly borderline inappropriately older?! (And I'm certainly no one to let an age gap get in my way...) It was hard to tell, I got flustered and had to run after the kids so couldn't talk in much detail, literally said hi you ok, and he replied something standard and wished me a good weekend.

So now I'm really confused, I'd like to have a proper close look but I'm not going to see him again until Monday now, dammit!

@Needtogetbackinthesack even better. You can practise your flirting without having to actually get over invested!

Go for it lifes too short

I'm not sure there is an 'inappropriately' older if you're both fully fledged adults?! If you don't fancy him though that's the end of it really!

Just go for it....ask for a drink and a chat..see how you feel chatting to him

So for those of you invested in this thread here's an update

Spoke to him this morning passing pleasantries incredibly briefly, wasn't sure if I actually fancied him. I think he's older than I thought and that put me off a bit but having discussed with a friend I think maybe I'm wrong and he's not as old as I thought this morning. Was a bit flustered and it was very brief.

Later in the day I saw him again on the way back to my car and again made some brief general chit chat about nothing in particular but he was with someone else so it was all very vague but friendly enough, he waved as I drove off. He grew on me a bit again because he is just so nice and friendly. And then as I collected my son at the end of the day from a different place to normal he peeped his horn at me and waved as he drove off. So I think I've established he definitely recognises me even out of context, but he did also chat to my chatty friend so I don't think I particularly got special treatment.

I've been thinking about it all evening and I think it's probably just an attention thing and that's why I got so excited by it. My husband wasn't affectionate for the last 5 years of our relationship and I was so put down by him that I didn't think anyone would ever even be nice to me again, he used to tell me everyone thought I was rude and awful. So I think the fact that this guy has been so friendly and noticed me has been a massive ego boost and ruffled my feathers a bit at a time when I've really needed both the confidence and a bit of fun. It's been perfect. But I don't think there's going to be much more to it than that. I think as someone said above it's gong to be the perfect opportunity for me to flirt and get a bit of practise in without there being any pressure. And I think that's exactly what I need right now!

I hope it does not happen, but were you to go on a date with him & it goes badly wrong, imagine having to see him every school day !!!on the other hand it could go spectacularly well.

We need more OP!

I'm so glad it's not just me who has these ridiculous crushes!

No real news - but he definitely goes out of his way to be around when he knows I'm there. Eg today I dropped my son early and didn't see him at the usual time but had to drop something into the office a little later and then as soon as he saw me he waved and walked to the main bit of the office where the reception is, then by the time I was coming back he was faffing with something in his car which was parked outside. It was pissing down and I have to go to work so I didn't walk over but as I drove past he was watching me go past and waiting to wave. The problem is every time something like that happens there's someone else around - today a van was outside delivering something to their office, a man who didn't look especially matey with him (if they were chatting I'd have said something funny and joined in but this didn't seem like an appropriate time to do that) so I never really get the chance to speak to him properly.

I say never, as though it's been this long standing crush when I actually first said my first word to him on Friday, it's now Tuesday

any news OP?

@Linning nothing major tbh. Been waving away all week, had a full on convo about the bad weather via that old faithful method of mouthing words and hand signals through the window then on Friday my son nearly ran over him on his scooter - cringe! He was just leaving the office and locking up as we came by and it was dark and I don't think my son saw him. Then we were faffing with something on the scooter before crossing the road to get in our car and he cane back over to "check he's locked the door" which he very clearly had locked just seconds before. I thought he might say something then but if course the kid started whingeing about wanting sweets at that exact moment so he couldn't get a word in and just said have a nice weekend. I should have said something myself, I'm kicking myself. Then we both drove off at the same time and I took all the back roads and ended up driving past him in the other direction a few mins later and he definitely saw me and was looking at me.

I kind of feel like we've friend zoned a bit, there's no flirting just general chit chat sometimes through a window sometimes whilst surrounded by rambunctious kids, and I'm not sure how to move it past that in an appropriate manner?!

Sounds to me like he is as nervous or worried about taking it further as you are, a bit shy or goes to say something and bottles it or waits for you to say something cos he dont want to look like a div 😂

@Lost87 ha I mean, even the bravest of men would probably find it hard to talk to someone with 2 feral kids in tow! I've got a few days coming up where I'll be walking past with no kids so fingers crossed he might be brave... or I might! I've nearly said something a few times and bottled it. I still can't stop thinking about him though so at least I still fancy him after my little wobble

I've so enjoyed reading this thread and your updates! Hope you find the confidence to move things on

@CocoLoco87 haha thanks, I'm glad to provide some daily entertainment.

It's inset day today so I've not seen him and have actually missed the smiles - loser

@Needtogetbackinthesack
So.... have you seen him?
(Possibly over invested in this!)

@Sharkyfan not really... I've had sick kids all week so they weren't in for a couple of days. Saw him this afternoon and had my mum with me so I got all embarrassed and waved but it was mostly cringeworthy.

Is it weird to kind of miss seeing him? I know I don't know him so I don't 'miss him' as such but it's so nice to see his smiles, they cheer me up. It's breakfast and after school club tomorrow so I doubt I'll see him tomorrow, so my fantasies of a romantic weekend are not going to come true this weekend

Well it sounds like it’s a nice bit of fun and gives you a spring in your step so it’s all good. Not weird at all.

Well for all of you who are over invested in my non existent love life... ...

I'm feeling really silly. On Friday I had the perfect opportunity to ask him for a drink - we even had a conversation about wine ffs! And I didn't. I had the kids with me but it was Friday night and we even joked about the fact that we'd made it to 5pm wine o clock and he said he'd had a tough week... so I I said oh you best go home and crack that wine open then!! Wtf was I thinking?! Why didn't I say oh no that's a shame let's have a drink and you can tell me all about it??? Or something more interesting and witty that involved me getting his number. Or getting laid. Either way

What a LOSER

However, I pick the kids up later twice a week and few weeks now he's been sat at his desk when I arrive and by the time I've collected the kids and walked back to the car (so less than 5 mins) he's packed up his stuff, turned the lights out and is conveniently locking up the office and faffing with keys as I walk by. Once he had walked over to his car and came back to "check the door" as I walked by. He's totally doing this deliberately, right?! It just seems too much of a coincidence that he's ALWAYS at the door right when I walk by and never leaves a minute earlier or later. We also have a few exchanges of sign language through the window every week, and a smile and a wave every day. They make me smile.

In the meantime, I signed up to tinder. Fucking hell its boring. Lots of men who want to chat about their weekends for weeks on end, or want to send really awful sexting messages that aren't in the least bit erotic and have terrible punctuation. God help me if I am ever going to get laid by someone half decent ever again...

Does he know you’re single, OP???
I have RTFT but can!t see if you have mentioned it....

@CelebrityDave I do keep kicking myself that I didn't ask him about his weekend, it's the obvious way to make convo!

@Tartyflette no - I mean, I have no wedding ring, I always drop the kids off by myself but I've never mentioned it, we've never really had a 'Personal' conversation. Though to be fair I have no idea whether he is single either, he doesn't have a wedding ring and I don't think there are kid seats in his car but that's all I have to go on... I'll try and find a way of dropping it into my next convo. Ooh exciting!