Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

@Needtogetbackinthesack I am a firm believer in signs from the universe! When things are meant to be I've found in the past that it almost feels like an unknown force is 'making things happen' (my scientist brain is disgusted with myself for this thinking )

It sounds like he's keen!

Hahaha I am often disgusted with myself for similar reasons but sometimes things just 'feel' right. I hate reading on MN when people say 'there's never a right time" - sometimes there really IS!! And this feels like my time.

I just took my youngest for a walk in the park and we fed ducks and drank coffee and ate donuts and it was a gorgeous icy but really sunny morning and people said hello to us and the kid was well behaved... and I just thought life is pretty perfect right now. Although I'm still in the middle of a shitty divorce battle and have court to get through before that is over, in the last 6 months I've got a new house which is perfect for this stage in my life, I've got a new job which is about as perfect as you get after being a sahm for years and needing to fit around the kids, I've got some wonderful new friends and have moved close to some wonderful old friends who have been in my life since primary school, the kids have settled well and are healthy and happy, I've been able t take up hobbies that I haven't done in years, got loads of nice things planned for this year. And you know how they always say you need to work on yourself first and live your life for yourself before there's room for a proper relationship with someone else... I feel like I'm pretty much there, and it feels lovely.

(Not that I'm hoping for a proper relationship with this guy but I feel like I'm in a good place to handle all the complex feelings and rejections that come with getting back out there into the dating pond...)

Aww @needtogetbackinthesack I just read and really enjoyed this thread 😆
It's so lovely reading how you're on the other side and you're really happy now.
I've got everything crossed for you and can't wait to hear how this is going to turn out 🤩 good luck!! X

@ThisIsM ah thank you!! I'm ridiculously excited because in my head it's all going to end in a hot date over a nice glass of wine haha

@Needtogetbackinthesack I completely get what you mean. In my head I'm going to get a date with my crush and it will be all perfect and we will live happily ever after with my two cats and his dog 🤣🤣🤣 The reality is I'm too chicken to even have a proper conversation with him at the moment(I can't even pluck up the courage to ask him how much his pt sessions are🤦‍♀️), I fear asking him out and him saying no. I had my class earlier so I got to see him, then at the end my ex called me to say he was going to start divorce proceedings, I'm kind of glad he is as it is the final bit that needs doing and I can finally move on (hopefully with hot gym instructor 🙈🤦‍♀️😅)

The saying goes if a guy likes you he will let you know and I firmly believe that, but i have to say in these circumstances if he does like you (he could just be a friendly guy) I don’t think he would ever let you know, ask you out or for your phone number, when your with your two children, sometimes your mum, other parents/children and he has no idea if your single/interested, many couples have children and don’t get married these days so no ring these days doesn’t help at all, so for this one I’d say you have to make the big effort, I’d be more inclined with going with giving him my number route personally than asking him for a drink or date somewhere, example Friday- op- you doing much tonight? Office guy- no I’m having a quite night in tonight with a bottle of wine been a busy week, op- yes same with me quite night and a glass or two of wine, hey look do you fancy taking my number so we can message later? (Range of responses)
Office guy- what do you mean? Op- just wondering do you fancy taking my number because I’m always having to rush off with the kids when your speaking to me.
Or office guy - I’m seeing someone sorry op- oh I just meant because I’m always busy rushing off (he may look at you abit strange but got to be way better than asking a virtual stranger out who you know nothing about)
Or office guy- ah yes (while pulling phones out and giving him your number you give him your name and right after giving him your name you can ask for his you can say it something like this) op- my numbers ** it’s Sarah btw and you? Office guy- ah I’m Dan op- right well I best get these pair home and let you get home to your bottle of wine, maybe speak to you later if not have a good weekend, office guy- yes you too/ yes I’ll message you later

Ok so fridays I usually speak to him - but usually with one kid in tow. I'm going to try and be brave and at least attempt to ask for his number/a date. I start a new job next week and will see him much less and probably never with just one kid/by myself again.

So how would you go about it with a 4yo in tow!? We usually walk past him on a Friday just as he's locking up the office and then me and the kid have to cross the road - so I'm usually battling to stop him running across a dark road and our normal Friday night chat goes something along the lines of yay it's the weekend, yep in need of a beer/wine, yeah it's been a long week, right have a nice weekend then.

I can't park anywhere else and still walk past his door. And other than tomorrow I don't see him any other times reliably outside of the office and with work I probably won't see him on Fridays either.

So it's kind of then (with kid in tow) or never. Tips!? I am feeling fairly confident but also don't think I'm brave enough to outright give him my number. BUT I also don't want to keep this going on forever, I need to do something or forget about him next week when my new job means I won't see him, out of sight out of mine etc etc.

So... help me out people!

Do it. Take life by the balls and ask him out. I wish I had the confidence and I feel a happy ending coming along 😁

I'm in a similar position except we both have a herd of kids! Watching with interest.

@Needtogetbackinthesack you'll regret it if you don't! The fact that you won't see him because of your job means you have nothing to lose right?

I've promised myself that I will ask mine once my youngest is leaving school (partly because I should be firmly out of my marriage by then and partly so I never have to see him again if I'm way off the mark )

Write your number down, wave at him and show him you've got something for him....give him the piece if oaoer and say if you fancy a drink or coffee here's my number ........

I will still see him to wave to but probably not to talk to once I change jobs.

@RuffleCrow I think if you both have a herd of kids that makes it easier - I feel conscious that I have kids and I don't know how he feels about kids/if he has any (I feel he may have grown up kids, he's quite a bit older than me) and night think mine are a complete nightmare (he'd be right)

@MymbleClement how many years til the youngest leaves school!?

Write your number on a piece of paper. Just as you are about to walk off from whatever conversation you may be having, give it to him and say "I'm not usually this forward but this is my number, if you fancy a drink one night, let me know. Have a great weekend" and walk off.

@Needtogetbackinthesack a mere two years

It doesn't sound like your kids have put him off tbh!

I'm sorry the feeling's gone op but maybe you've made a potential friend instead. You're inspiring me to at least say hi to the 'dad in passing' i always see on my school run. Like pps i can't even look at the guy when he walks past, he's so hot, but i have notices him looking at me quite a few times. Joined tinder yesterday to try and track him down-- i'm not sure if i've found him. I did match with a guy very much like him today but then he disappeared! Ah well, without wanting to brag i've had a lot of male attention on there in the past day (maybe beginner's luck) which has made me feel a bit more confident. Maybe today will be the day i finally say hi.

Dont be worried about the kids. I have 4 children and my partner has 3. Mine are 13,9,6 and 4 and his are 16,10 and 4. I have my kids full time and his 16 year old comes and stays one or two weekends a month but his 10 and 4 year old live further away and he has the older one in the summer holidays. I was so scared that my lot would be way too much as he lived with the 16 year old and had a few years of peaceful living 😂 my brood are very naughty right now- to do with their father being one of those "let them do what they want, say what they want, eat what they want" type of parents and we parent way too differently but obviously the kids are going to love the sweets and toys no matter what where as I like to treat them to days out/parks/movie nights at home for good behaviour.
My partner came in and totally changed things around and they listen to him when he expects certain behaviour. He has found it hard because of how they behave and bonding with them but there are guys out there that are mad enough to take us on 😂😂

@Bobthefish2 in my head this is perfect. The reality is I think I'm too scared, I've got butterflies in my stomach just thinking about doing it 🙈

@RuffleCrow have you seen him yet? Did he say hi?!

@Lost87 you're new one sounds like an absolute legend! My kids don't see their dad at the moment which is another issue - I'm never without them! I do have a mum who could babysit but she already looks after them loads for other things and she's VERY anti me finding someone new. She thinks now I've had a lucky escape I should be grateful for the peace and quiet and stay single forever 🙄

How does dating work when you're a single mum, is it acceptable to invite someone round for a drink after the kids go to bed? My kids know this guy as much as I do so if I'm the freak chance they did bump into each other in the house they'd know him to say hi to. What if it was someone they didn't know? I don't really understand the rules...

If ON the freak chance. I am completely a freak 😆

No, sadly not @needtogetbackinthesack

I seem him every day, pretty much, except for those very rare occasions i've psyched myself up to speak to him, like today! I was ready - all dolled up, so to speak, actually liked what i saw in the mirror for a change, and then nada

Did i mention he has an accent? I've heard him speaking to his dcs and he has a very soft, either american or canadian accent. As if his looks alone weren't enough to floor me . My money's on him being american as he looks hispanic.

Not that i'm the expert but in your case i'm not sure i'd be inviting him round so soon - safer to hire a sitter to begin with.

So this guy who looks very much like him just messaged me on tinder. It says he's about 2km away which would be about right. I honestly can't tell if it's him or not

Boo! I don't think it's him. This guy'• asked me out, like tonight so he's probably a pickup artist looking for a shag. Also says he hasn't got kids and he hasn't mentioned seeing me around.

Fuck me, I'm equally mortified about tonight and annoyed with myself...

He did his usual locking up as we walked by, and right then my kid screamed I need a wee. Ground swallow me up. Told him to wait until we got home, but he offered to let him use their work loo, I accepted thinking this is a great chance to chat. Apart from I then just got so embarrassed and my face is still burning an hour later 🙈🙈🙈 we exchanged small talk, told him I'd be starting a new job next week so wouldn't be waving to him every day and he said 'oh no I'm devastated' (in a kind way not a sarcastic nasty way), and then we chatted about all the crazy kids he sees going past. Then he told me his name. And then my kid was in the middle of the road in the dark... and that was that. Sigh. Let's hope I finish work early enough to see him again next week.

However what today has established is that I do completely and utterly fancy him and any doubt has gone, he's a really lovely guy and even better looking up close. I need to sort this out!! Next week...

Ahhh i know it was mortifying but this sounds to me like progress @needto . Do you think he fancies you back?

@Needtogetbackinthesack he fancies you!! Get in there! I'm so excited about this - I need to get my own life