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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm being emotionally abused not sure how to deal with this

313 replies

tink870 · 04/01/2020 12:58

I've being watching eastenders the girl on there Chantelle is living my life on the tv. I am questioned when I wear makeup or dress up I'm questioned when I use my phone. Basically my whole life is controlled by my partner to some level.
I'm allowed to see family and go on certain nights out. I went on a work night out recently and was hounded all night and when I got up in the Morning.
I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. I am half a person walking around like a ghost. It's been this way a good few years now I watched the programme and it's very much like that dynamic he's in the better job and everyone around me thinks he's a nice guy expect a couple of friends and one family member everyone else thinks he's ace.
I don't hug him anymore or want to sleep with him I love him in my own way but he's ground me down so so much I've got no love left or emotions. When he's nice I don't trust it because I know the nastiness is a couple of days away.
I've got what I would say is clinical depression now like ptsd because I've lost all who I am as a person.
I'm holding down a job and looking after the kids that's about it.
He comes to bed with me he wakes up with me in the mornings I try to get up first so I have ten minutes alone time but if he catches me on my phone all hell breaks lose so I hide in the toilet.
Financially I will struggle massively without him sometimes it's ok but I never feel normal I always feel on edge and upset but I don't cry anymore now.
We don't go anywhere really and I'm an adventurer by heart he never wants to do anything like go on holidays I always book them but he makes them a living hell from start to finish I'm not going on holiday this year because I can't take the stress of him arguing on me.
The kids aren't his Met him when my little one was a baby and they don't see their real father anymore he has no interest.
He doesn't really interact with the kids much he does the basics if I'm at work and he's not in looking after them but he's not a dad or friend to them really he isn't interested he's only interested in me.
He wants my attention at all times he even cries saying I don't hug him or kiss him well he killed that when he suffocates me.
I feel dead inside I want to get out but have nowhere to go my oldest is a teenager I worry about up rooting him the most.
I can't breath I'm suffocated every day of my life.
I'm only able to write this now because he's giving me silent treatment because I was on my phone when he woke up but he's being giving me silent treatment for two days and I've done nothing wrong. I need help I feel like life is not worth living anymore

OP posts:
tink870 · 05/01/2020 11:08

He knows something is wrong he got up before me this morning quite early and was sitting in the kitchen. I walked in and he wasn't speaking just staring at me my whole body started to shake I just know that look even my head started shaking he must of noticed. Then he started asking questions about my phone saying why is it lighting up but nothing is coming up on the screen I said I don't know but I set it like that.
I'm at the shops now getting the food but he was looking at me like he knows something.

OP posts:
tink870 · 05/01/2020 11:10

I'm just going to be nice to him because my sister I. Law is coming to get the kids this afternoon as they have teacher training tomorrow so she's having them for me and I'm getting them tomorrow afternoon after work so I'm alone with him later aswell.

OP posts:
Shedidnt · 05/01/2020 11:37

God almighty honey. I know you think you can keep him sweet. But one throttling can kill you. That's you. Snuffed out!

I know exactly where you are. You're in fear and at the same time have no proof so think nobody will believe you. He's done nothing wrong today - yet.
My advice is to get away asap, but I know you won't take it.

tink870 · 05/01/2020 11:43

I will I just don't know where to start at this minute. I'm scared of him at the end of the day I can't help it

OP posts:
Shedidnt · 05/01/2020 11:46

What do you want to advise? I've been there. You lose yourself a little bit more every time you conform to what he demands (by his silence). You know the consequences. Just keep yourself safe.

Saltnpepper5 · 05/01/2020 12:06

You need to leave OP. I know you are scared but you have got to go. I wouldnt want to be on my own with him after the kids have gone like you said he knows something is wrong. Cant you just up and leave to your mums? And sort everything once at your mums at least you and your kids will be safe. Call the police and log all of his vile behavior with them.

Iv been in a relationship like this, managed to escape and i honestly truly believe my ex would have killed me if i didn't. Please seek help.

over50andfab · 05/01/2020 12:19

I will I just don't know where to start at this minute. I'm scared of him at the end of the day I can't help it

One step at a time. First step (after reading other posters suggestions again slowly) - Women's Aid, and take it from there

Only you can initiate this, for your own sake and that of your DC.

Ogham · 05/01/2020 13:36

Jesus please don’t be on your own with him tonight, I actually feel very anxious for you at this point. Especially if you feel he knows something is up. Do his family have any idea what’s going on or how he’s treating you? Can you talk to SIL. You need to call the police and get out of there immediately hun. DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HIM

Madamswearsalot · 05/01/2020 14:09

You are right - this is emotional abuse. There is nothing ok or normal about it. You are depressed and it's because of your awful relationship and living situation. Its entirely understandable that you feel suffocated, despairing and desperate.

There is a way out though - as scary as it feels, as impossible as it seems, you can get out of this life and build yourself a new one.

First step - go back to the gp (a different one if you can) and say you're depressed and you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Be clear that you need help. Take the anti-depressants you will be offered - they will help you to get to a mental state that will allow you to plan carefully.

Once you feel ready, call women's aid and/or any other resource www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/useful-links/ you can find. Find out your rights in terms of your housing situation and getting him out and also start researching benefits etc.

Make sure you're being careful with your internet history. Make sure you've got all important documents (passports, birth certs etc) stored in a safe place.

Start telling people - begin with the couple of friends and family member you mentioned in your first post, the ones who aren't taken in by his nice guy act.

The most important thing right now is to get yourself into a mental place where you can do all of the above. Take each step as slowly as you need to but hold onto the thought that you have a new life waiting for you and your DC.

My final point - your DC will notice a lot more than you think they do. They are watching your relationship and absorbing how it is as the way it should be for them. Any upheaval for them is minor in comparison to the impact this is having on them.

We are here for virtual handholds. You can do this. You deserve a life that let's you breathe easily and isn't full of anxiety.

billy1966 · 05/01/2020 14:44

Oh OP, this is so awful to read.

Please contact your mother and friends for support so you can plan an exit.

LotteLupin · 05/01/2020 14:47

I know the look. Silent fixed you with his eyes. Who knows what thinking behind the eyes. It is terrifying.

So now keep your head down as you have to be alone with him later when the kids aren't there. Be busy doing something.

You should turn off ALL notifications on your phone from Mumsnet. Go into Mumsnet and in preferences turn off email notifications of new posts. Turn off sounds and all notification of emails. Just set it so you only see MN posts when you choose it is safe for you to open it and read.

I'm afraid you do have to act like an endangered spy in enemy territory. Dig your escape tunnel and get out. Talk to someone tomorrow about how to do that. Do it. No regrets. He's terrorising you.

LotteLupin · 05/01/2020 14:50

Make sure those notification emails are deleted and trash emptied.

Does he have access to your email and/or iCloud? You need to sweep the whole lot, make sure nothing is coming to you, delete and trash empty anything that has. Clear internet history.

tink870 · 05/01/2020 14:56

Thankyou I'm at the shop now he wasn't speaking when I got back he's found out my sisters hen party is in Benidorm she put it on Facebook today so that could be the issue. He told me in no uncertain terms he won't be having the kids if I intend to go and he hopes I enjoy it with a bunch of slags I just didn't reply.
He said he was popping out he went for twenty mins and came back I feel like he did it to catch me on my phone while he was out but I didn't go on it. All my notifications are turned off on here and I don't get emails. The kids have gone now so it's just us best go. Not gonna lie I'm scared and worried he knows something is up he's got this look I can't explain it you have to see it for yourself to see what I mean it's like evil looking at me. I keep shaking today I feel like he's in my brain and knows I'm talking to people.

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 05/01/2020 15:05

Please register for the police text service while he is still out. Being home alone with him isn't safe imo.

MyNewBearTotoro · 05/01/2020 15:22

I’m sorry this sounds so hard but you have received lots of good advice on this thread. Good luck with getting the strength to leave; I think you need to contact WA and do it as soon as possible.

Choice4567 · 05/01/2020 17:04
Thanks
Littlechef11 · 05/01/2020 17:15

Thinking of you OP. Similar situation myself. Hoping to leave with My 2 DC thiscoming weekend once I've got paid.
Im so scared too.

Cherrysoup · 05/01/2020 18:42

The police will remove him if you ask them to. You don’t need to live like this. You only need to give one month’s notice to your landlord. Can you move in with your mum til you get the deposit back?

tink870 · 05/01/2020 20:02

My mom only has a one bed flat I can't stay there really as have three children. Thankyou for links and advice and listening to me

OP posts:
Sunsetsandmoons · 05/01/2020 20:05

Could he have seen this thread?

DonnaMckanny · 05/01/2020 20:30

Dump his ass

AhNowTed · 05/01/2020 23:14

OP you know this isn't right. You know being constantly monitored, having to show him your texts to friends, having to 'prove' who you're with, and FFS 'timed' at the shops isn't right.

He's a bloody psycho.

This has to stop.

This isn't love. It's control.

It strokes his ego to control your every move.

You need to get away from this monster.

LovelyBrick · 06/01/2020 02:21

This is chilling to read 😓 please keep safe.

MissSunnyDays · 06/01/2020 02:38

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