I'm being emotionally abused not sure how to deal with this

[tink870]

I've being watching eastenders the girl on there Chantelle is living my life on the tv. I am questioned when I wear makeup or dress up I'm questioned when I use my phone. Basically my whole life is controlled by my partner to some level.
I'm allowed to see family and go on certain nights out. I went on a work night out recently and was hounded all night and when I got up in the Morning.
I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. I am half a person walking around like a ghost. It's been this way a good few years now I watched the programme and it's very much like that dynamic he's in the better job and everyone around me thinks he's a nice guy expect a couple of friends and one family member everyone else thinks he's ace.
I don't hug him anymore or want to sleep with him I love him in my own way but he's ground me down so so much I've got no love left or emotions. When he's nice I don't trust it because I know the nastiness is a couple of days away.
I've got what I would say is clinical depression now like ptsd because I've lost all who I am as a person.
I'm holding down a job and looking after the kids that's about it.
He comes to bed with me he wakes up with me in the mornings I try to get up first so I have ten minutes alone time but if he catches me on my phone all hell breaks lose so I hide in the toilet.
Financially I will struggle massively without him sometimes it's ok but I never feel normal I always feel on edge and upset but I don't cry anymore now.
We don't go anywhere really and I'm an adventurer by heart he never wants to do anything like go on holidays I always book them but he makes them a living hell from start to finish I'm not going on holiday this year because I can't take the stress of him arguing on me.
The kids aren't his Met him when my little one was a baby and they don't see their real father anymore he has no interest.
He doesn't really interact with the kids much he does the basics if I'm at work and he's not in looking after them but he's not a dad or friend to them really he isn't interested he's only interested in me.
He wants my attention at all times he even cries saying I don't hug him or kiss him well he killed that when he suffocates me.
I feel dead inside I want to get out but have nowhere to go my oldest is a teenager I worry about up rooting him the most.
I can't breath I'm suffocated every day of my life.
I'm only able to write this now because he's giving me silent treatment because I was on my phone when he woke up but he's being giving me silent treatment for two days and I've done nothing wrong. I need help I feel like life is not worth living anymore

Wow, it’s amazing you’ve kicked him out. It’s a high risk time, as I’m sure you know, so keep yourself safe. Hope you can get some help with an injunction.

Well done OP, you are doing so well.

Delighted you have prevented him involving your son.
💐

How are you tonight tink ? And the children and ddog?

Good advice from FGSJoan. It's sad but you have to make your family choose to a certain extent because it's only by cutting contact completely that you get the message through that you're not going to be bullied, manipulated or sucked back into the misery go round again.

Just checking back to make sure you are ok!

Reinforce to your Mum that your GP supports your decision regarding termination. Warn her that he has been extremely controling and rarely let you be alone as a form of domestic imprisonment.

You said your Mum spoke with you , I hope she understands now the truth about how be treats you and children, especially if he uses his false promises and manipulative lies to get at you.

So happy to read that you managed to get him out. Hope you managed to get the locks changed. As for the dog, since the microchip is registered in your name, he cannot just demand it back even if he paid for it. Plus, he surrendered the dog to you. Just ignore any demands he might make. Hang in there, it will get better.

Have just read the full posting and all replies, and I am so full of emotion for you.
I'm incredibly humbled by your strength and resolve, and feel like shouting from the rooftops with glee that you have faced what you thought was impossible, and Hey Presto, YOU DID IT !! :) :)

I know you have more to do before you may feel your life is sorted out, but please, just take a minute to recognise what YOU have achieved so far ! YOU ARE INCREDIBLE :)

Stay free and proud, and the dog is yours unless a court says otherwise ( and I can't see the cretin managing to pay for a solicitor etc, can you ?)

(Keep him blocked and make sure he's blocked and deleted on all the kids phones, emails etc.)

But be PROUD !

xxx

Hi guys sorry I have not posted my son had martial arts last night finally sat down about 8 then my friend rang and went to work today. I'm ok I woke up at 5.30 am being sick it shocked me so much that I'm actually being sick this early in. Never slept a wink last night either..really upset me being sick because it's made my situation more real I suppose. I think I just keep hoping I will walk up and the pregnancy will be gone it sounds horrible I know I hate myself for thinking it deep down.
I spoke to my friend today and said maybe I can keep the baby and she said it's a huge mistake and not to be daft I know she meant well but her response annoyed me I know it's best for me to have a termination but she gave me this huge lecture and I just want her to support me no matter what not just kind of say I'm mental etc. my appointment is Tuesday at 5.30 so maybe that will help I'm distancing myself for thinking about it as much as I can I guess.
His mom been messaging me as well saying she's spoke to him and he wants to change I just replied back that's he's toxic to my life and I don't want that around me or my kids and I've had my fill of him I was polite but got my point across.
Thanks everyone

You don't have to talk to his mother either. Block her. I'm so relieved for you at having the strength to do what you've done. Mumnset is a life saver.

Well done and stay strong. I’ve just read the post while sitting in my lovely little house that I bought after the divorce and thinking back to 6 years ago when I was in your situation. It will be difficult at times but stay strong, I promise you that it will be worth it. This is the hardest step but once he realises that you aren’t going to give in he will become nasty again so expect that, get support from those around you and stay strong.

Tink, well done! Be constantly alert for him trying to enter the house, to turn up wherever you are trying to persuade you to take him back. Report him every single time & get a non molestation order. He is a very real danger to you and your children, so always fe in your guard. I'd advise you to tell him you miscarried rather than terminated to minimise the abuse - he'll blame and shout anyway. My ex is abusive like your partner - he stopped at nothing to force me to be in the same place as him using the children, making false allegations, contact via the courts for years on end. As hard as it is emotionally, please do not allow yourself to be persuaded that tying yourself to this man with a child is a good idea. It's 18yrs of relentless control over who you see, where you live, where you go, what you do etc etc. You're doing great, keep on keeping on and take all the practical help and support you can. For you and your family

Well done Tink you are amazimg to keep going , it's so horribly tough for you right now, but you are strong and fighting back. This bastard should have gone to jail for aggravated assault when he strangled you, let alone years of domestic imprisonment. No more! Seems to be his pattern to ramp up the emotional guilt to sway you when you are refusing to take any more shit. He knows you found strength to call him out for his nasty control tactics, so he is trying guilt and poor me to make himself appear good to others. It works well for his Mum, and now she is stupidly manipulating you when going back to him would only be a miserable existance for you and your children. I certainly support your decision with regards to pregnancy whatever you decide. How are your children tonight? Do something lovely for yourself and your lovely children each day Tink. You all deserve much happiness.

You know him so well. I’ll said he’d get his mum to text. And she did! I’m sure your friend was just trying to be helpful but you do just need people to listen and support you whatever your decision. Tuesday isn’t long to wait now.

*you said.

You’re doing so well. Be proud. Don’t fall out with your friend, I’m sure she really does support you, she’s just probably scared stiff that you’ll tie yourself to this guy for life and give him an excuse to stay in your life controlling you if you have this baby. I know you know that deep down though.

There was another thread about someone being pregnant to her abusive bf before Xmas, I don’t know if you saw it. She went through similar emotions. It must make it so much harder.

(ps, hope you don’t see this as a critical post)

You don't need anyone's permission or approval to keep this baby if that's your decision.

Having a termination is a deeply personal and complex decision that can only ever be the mother's alone.

It might help to book a telephone counseling session or in person and just talk it over with someone trained to listen and help clarify your thoughts.

Thanks everyone I have my appointment Tuesday I haven't been sick since I'm so grateful but I did another test this morning hoping it had gone negative it hasn't :-( I'm seeing my older brother going through IVF he has no children and I feel so guilty on him because I'm pregnant off a one event and don't want to be I wish it was him having a baby life is so unfair sometimes isn't it.
It's my middle sons birthday tomorrow and we're going on an amazing day out which I booked ages ago just him and me my middle son. So I can't wait for that.
I've had flowers sent to my house and a plant a card with a long letter inside I won't say what it says but you guys know the drill of what it says anyway.
He's still being calm at the moment and has not come to the house for which I am grateful for.
Just wish I could turn the clock back and end it before Xmas I put it off because it was Xmas and I regret that now so much because I wouldn't be having a baby now.
I have a phone consultation Tuesday and then I am gathering a week long wait to be seen roughly so I'm going to be 6-7 weeks I'm dreading it I had a MC at 8 weeks some years ago and there was a lot of blood it wasn't painful that I remember but I think this would be as it's forced isn't it your forcing your body to get rid of the baby it's scary I'm glad it's after the birthday.

Offering you a virtual handhold.

Have a lovely day with you son

Face the treatment when it comes. I've been close to a good few of these, they will remind you about pain relief. You are doing a kind thing for your existing children

All the very best xx

Definitely need to see some help about this, if a man is like this he has no right to be a part of your life!

Cut it off as soon as you can and focus time on your career

OP, I realise this is difficult and painful but you are a great woman and mother who is doing this to protect her children.

Keep your focus on your children.

Have a lovely day.💐

Hope it goes smoothly tomorrow, thinking of you.

Best of luck tomorrow, be kind to yourself x

Call women’s aid while you are at work. And call the police. You need to make your situation safe for you and the kids. They will help you. You can do this, you’re braver then you think