I'm being emotionally abused not sure how to deal with this

[tink870]

I've being watching eastenders the girl on there Chantelle is living my life on the tv. I am questioned when I wear makeup or dress up I'm questioned when I use my phone. Basically my whole life is controlled by my partner to some level.
I'm allowed to see family and go on certain nights out. I went on a work night out recently and was hounded all night and when I got up in the Morning.
I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. I am half a person walking around like a ghost. It's been this way a good few years now I watched the programme and it's very much like that dynamic he's in the better job and everyone around me thinks he's a nice guy expect a couple of friends and one family member everyone else thinks he's ace.
I don't hug him anymore or want to sleep with him I love him in my own way but he's ground me down so so much I've got no love left or emotions. When he's nice I don't trust it because I know the nastiness is a couple of days away.
I've got what I would say is clinical depression now like ptsd because I've lost all who I am as a person.
I'm holding down a job and looking after the kids that's about it.
He comes to bed with me he wakes up with me in the mornings I try to get up first so I have ten minutes alone time but if he catches me on my phone all hell breaks lose so I hide in the toilet.
Financially I will struggle massively without him sometimes it's ok but I never feel normal I always feel on edge and upset but I don't cry anymore now.
We don't go anywhere really and I'm an adventurer by heart he never wants to do anything like go on holidays I always book them but he makes them a living hell from start to finish I'm not going on holiday this year because I can't take the stress of him arguing on me.
The kids aren't his Met him when my little one was a baby and they don't see their real father anymore he has no interest.
He doesn't really interact with the kids much he does the basics if I'm at work and he's not in looking after them but he's not a dad or friend to them really he isn't interested he's only interested in me.
He wants my attention at all times he even cries saying I don't hug him or kiss him well he killed that when he suffocates me.
I feel dead inside I want to get out but have nowhere to go my oldest is a teenager I worry about up rooting him the most.
I can't breath I'm suffocated every day of my life.
I'm only able to write this now because he's giving me silent treatment because I was on my phone when he woke up but he's being giving me silent treatment for two days and I've done nothing wrong. I need help I feel like life is not worth living anymore

Op your breaking my heart. Your post is your first step to freedom, your journey has begun.
Leave on Monday, pack as lightly as possible for you and your children and get to your mother's.
The hardest part is telling people what you've been going through, it's not something you can drop into conversation, you literally drop the bomb on them.
I did it, to my boss. For months I pretended life was great, I could of won an Oscar. But once I spoke up, I started to live again.
Of course, I had awful awful days once he had left and hit many lows but I'm now married to an amazing man.
You are strong.
We are all here to listen and support. Please use some of the links people have posted here.
Good luck, wish you lived closer id be round with a cuppa and a hug.

Thankyou so much he came down for dinner but went back to bed again but is now sending abusive msgs from upstairs asking who I'm online to I was actually messaging my best friend who I haven't spoke to in over a week as I never can speak to her because he's always there. Then he wants proof of the msgs I'm so glad I never spoke about him because I was about to aswell. He still hasn't spoke to me in person properly for two days now.

Screenshot and save all his abusive messages OP.

💐

If you tell the police about the car/throat incident alone they will help you. But they will take the whole saga seriously they are even doing campaigns about control.
You are really normalising what the rest of us view as horrific.

Agree screenshot and save messages

Contact Womans aid

Get out

You will see the other side of this.

You are braver than you think
Stronger than you know

I know how hard it is. They wear you down. It's psychological torture. It's so much bigger than the times that he's been physical. It's the fear. Not everyone understands that.

And the crying like a baby. Classic. Think about it - do you think this is the message that your teenager (or anyone) should get about how to conduct yourself.

My four year old does this- and knows he's trying to emotionally manipulate me when called out on it.

And about the freedom of being out

I cannot properly explain it. It's everything.

This is a very upsetting thread and my heart goes out to you. This man has made you a hostage in your own home, but you are strong and brave and you are going to get through this, one step at a time.

I am 12 months out of an abusive relationship and I am learning to smile again, you will too.

I don't want to alarm you, but as another poster has already mentioned, you may be at high risk. The level of control this man has over you is very concerning, the fact that he has also strangled you is setting off big alarm bells here. Please do contact a local DV charity and make a plan to get yourself out safely. Do you know if he has a record of DV? The police may be able to advise you under Claire's Law.

With careful planning and help from Women's Aid, your local DV service and/or the police you WILL get out safely. But please don't underestimate how dangerous this man could be.

Make contact with Women’s Aid, they’ll help you make a plan.

Thankyou he's been sending msgs from upstairs about how I don't love him anymore and thag I've changed and my moods affect our relationship it's laughable he's actually blaming the silent treatment on me it was him not me! He knows I want out he can tell ive lost the energy to keep up I'm that depressed I don't beg I don't cry I don't do anything I'm like a robot now.
He's done this for attention and because I'm not giving it he's trying another way.

I am so behind drained of these mental mind games I relax I think we're ok then bam he starts again and again and again. To think I wpild cry and beg him not so long ago but I'm proud that I don't now but I still do what he wants really in other ways

Please do it for your children and get him out

He's down now in bathroom so can't talk

Please tell your mum and your boss. They were the people who stepped in and gave me the courage to leave my H.
I've been back in my home town for nearly 6 months. Our kids love it here. I was lucky enough to get a job transfer and my mum put up enough money to get us into a rental house. I get universal credit towards rent and childcare which was quite a bit more than I expected.
My life is so much better. I'm not on eggshells and I feel like I am starting to recover. I have friends, hobbies and space just to breathe.
It took 6 weeks to leave and I had to put up the biggest front and be the bravest of my life but it has been completely worth it. You can do this, you are worth so much more.

Can you tell your friend what is really happening with your partner? Maybe not on texts if he is reading but face to face?

Please be safe OP. Abusers are very attuned to subtle changes in your attitude, mannerism and general demeanour.

Remember, if you don't feel safe right now. You can call the police and have him removed.

It sounds horrible for you. And this bit before you leave is the most nerve wracking. Just try to pretend as much as possible that nothing is going on. But I also feel excited for the new life you and your DC will have. I think that March is too long to wait. If there’s a way to get out before then, then do - he sounds scary. And watch out for browsing history. Equally suspicious is no browsing history.

Have you told your best friend OP? Please do and tell as many friends/family as you can.

Poor, poor Tink.

I totally understand the fear. It's intolerable. I understand it all. It's all happened to me. I know where you are.

I don't think you have the option of a long game and trying to get away over time. He doesn't sound in a good place. Just when you are out of the house ring one of the support numbers and get help with the practical details of going.

Do you have any family to stay with? Just up and go. Take the kids and move in with them.

Would your boss give you an advance on your wages that you could pay back when you Mum gets her inheritance, obviously with your Mum's agreement.
I think the more people you tell, the more you will see his behaviour is not normal. Your life sounds awful at the moment, but just be careful please, if he thinks he is losing control over you, he may ramp things up.
I also think speaking to your landlord and telling him or her exactly what is going on and giving him notice once you get a place, then hire a van when he is at work and get out that same day. Take passports, bills, id, birth certs, bank account statements, open a new bank account and get your wages paid into it.

Best of luck,

If my ex is anything to go by, you're probably due another beating soon as he suspects there's something up. He will get increasingly agitated and then you'll get it. For that reason, I think you need to leave sooner rather than later (i.e. in the next few days).
On the practical side, ask your Mum if you can stay with her temporarily. Explain the situation to the landlord. Pack enough for a week (and all important documents). Ring WA.

So - on your To Do list:

Ring Mum
Ring landlord
Ring WA
Pack
Get away. (if your Mum can't accommodate you, WA can find you a refuge).

PS - while I know a lot of posters are suggesting you tell your boss - I wouldn't. There is a lot of stigma associated with DV. There is sympathy at the better end, and disdain and victim blaming at the other end. It's nobody's business really. If you did need to ask for advance, you could just say that you were splitting up - without going into details.

@tink870

I would leave him if I was you. I have been married to a controlling man for over 30 years now and they get worse. I can't leave him yet because we run a business together but I will be going when I get things in order.

This is so sad. Please seek help op. This is not a normal relationship.