I'm being emotionally abused not sure how to deal with this

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I've being watching eastenders the girl on there Chantelle is living my life on the tv. I am questioned when I wear makeup or dress up I'm questioned when I use my phone. Basically my whole life is controlled by my partner to some level.
I'm allowed to see family and go on certain nights out. I went on a work night out recently and was hounded all night and when I got up in the Morning.
I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. I am half a person walking around like a ghost. It's been this way a good few years now I watched the programme and it's very much like that dynamic he's in the better job and everyone around me thinks he's a nice guy expect a couple of friends and one family member everyone else thinks he's ace.
I don't hug him anymore or want to sleep with him I love him in my own way but he's ground me down so so much I've got no love left or emotions. When he's nice I don't trust it because I know the nastiness is a couple of days away.
I've got what I would say is clinical depression now like ptsd because I've lost all who I am as a person.
I'm holding down a job and looking after the kids that's about it.
He comes to bed with me he wakes up with me in the mornings I try to get up first so I have ten minutes alone time but if he catches me on my phone all hell breaks lose so I hide in the toilet.
Financially I will struggle massively without him sometimes it's ok but I never feel normal I always feel on edge and upset but I don't cry anymore now.
We don't go anywhere really and I'm an adventurer by heart he never wants to do anything like go on holidays I always book them but he makes them a living hell from start to finish I'm not going on holiday this year because I can't take the stress of him arguing on me.
The kids aren't his Met him when my little one was a baby and they don't see their real father anymore he has no interest.
He doesn't really interact with the kids much he does the basics if I'm at work and he's not in looking after them but he's not a dad or friend to them really he isn't interested he's only interested in me.
He wants my attention at all times he even cries saying I don't hug him or kiss him well he killed that when he suffocates me.
I feel dead inside I want to get out but have nowhere to go my oldest is a teenager I worry about up rooting him the most.
I can't breath I'm suffocated every day of my life.
I'm only able to write this now because he's giving me silent treatment because I was on my phone when he woke up but he's being giving me silent treatment for two days and I've done nothing wrong. I need help I feel like life is not worth living anymore

I can't be to long at the shops and things because he questions me he times me if I go the corner shop

What you describe is as far from right as it's possible to be. I know it seems overwhelming right now, and you may not feel able to contact the police, but could you contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline to talk to someone? Open 24 hours a day.

www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/phone-the-helpline/

Go to the police

Go to the police.

I confided in my dgm and she gave me cash to help with deposit. You may need help at first so reach out to a family member if possible.
My exh used to let me go out - always with a penalty.
Tmi but he would use his finger to check I hadn't been out having sex..
Then he would take food with him to work leaving barely any for me and the dc (his dc).
I left when he was at work. Neighbours helped my - they drove a van etc. Register to use the police text service. Next incident text them and have him removed. More likely to catch him off guard still enraged which they will witness if you feel you won't be believed.
You absolutely can be free op.

Thankyou for your advice how do you feel now your out of the situation ?

Oh my darling, I am so sorry. You are being abused. Talk to a friend or family member. Tell them everything that has been going on. They will want to support you. Can you call women's aid?

Coercive control is an offence. You could talk to the police. They could give advice or be there when you ask your p to leave.

Keep posting on here and I hope you have the strength to leave soon. Your poor kids - what is he putting them through? You will be so much happier without him, even if you have less money. He sounds absolutely awful and scary.

💐

It was many years ago. I well moved on and remarried. You owe it to yourself and of course your dc. At least they won't have to see him if they aren't his. Would you tell your boss? Support will spur you on op. I have 4 hefty ds's who would happily evict him for you. And a 6'4 20 stone dh won't go unnoticed...
..

I honestly live my life on egg shells no happiness just the kids. My son won a mascot comp and got to mascot for his fave team I got to go too and I got all ready on the day we was so excited and he was so nasty to me sayinf it's not about you it's about X why u done ur hair and makeup etc and get a life he ruined our day and upset me just plain nasty

How did you get out in the end of the situation when you moved on I don't know where to start ? Do I leave or do I try to get him out which one is the best way. I can't just say I don't want to be with you he will want loads of answers and keep coming to the house.

I was in a similar situation to you, though not as bad, until November. I thought Id never get rid of him too. I took legal advice and got him out with an occupation order. We own the property jointly and have 2 children. Speak to Womens Aid first, you may qualify for legal aid. I didn't but the money, £1800 in London, was worth it. Get him out, if the property is just yours the police will get him out. Once he''s out block him from everything and start living, to the In my case, there was no risk of physical violence but the order was based on risk of emotional harm to the children.

Op seriously you owe him nothing. Your dc are being damaged along the way trust me.
My ds is 27 and still has therapy from stuff he witnessed over 20 years ago. It doesn't have to be physical stuff they see. Please please make this year the year you change your future while you still have one. Imo you risk your future relationships with your dc subjecting them to this existence...
Harsh but true.

OP, thankfully police forces are now trained in recognising and dealing with coercive control, it’s as real as any other type of abuse, when your pig of a partner is next out of the house please call them, ask to speak to a WPC if you feel more comfortable talking to a woman, you have to do this, you truly need to take action for you and your children, please don’t live like this any longer, there honestly is help out there

Have you considered if your dc confide in someone you could be accused of not protecting them? . Ss may get involved.
I took exh's dc away from him and didn't feel bad. Your dc are counting on you to get him out of your lives.
Do it.

OP I think you need to move away. With him and his family 'on your door' so to speak, means that you're simply not safe there.

Don't tell him you have plans to leave as it could make him worse.
Pack yourself an emergency bag for you and the children and hide it or give it to someone to hold for you
Start looking for properties to rent near your friends and family as you need the support
Find nursery/school for the children
Look for a new job

If he threatens you or is violent towards you dial 999 and explain to the police that he is an abuser and has been abusing you for years

I know it's a big step but that's what you need to do to be safe. Not all police are well trained or good with domestic violence cases so you're can't be sure of your safety if you stay so close to him.

Call Women's Aid for further advice and support, make sure you ask about making a safety plan.

They could possibly but I don't think they wpild I'm very close to the kids we have a strong bond. I'm with them all the time I dont drink or go out everything I do is for them. I do think of the emotional aspect that they could be hiding but we don't talk about it my oldest son makes the odd comment like you can do better mom or he's nasty to you but that's it.
I really admire people who find the strength to leave because it is so hard when your stuck in it. I will ring WA first and see what they advise first. I just want my own mind back think how I want dress how I want do my hair if I want to or my makeup to go the shops. Have my friends over normal stuff 😢

OP you absolutely can leave this situation and there is so much good advice on this thread.
Without a doubt you are a victim of abuse and coercive control.

The police will always come if you tell them that you don’t feel safe.

Be strong and do this not only for you but your children. It’s so damaging to be around an abuser like this.

I’m on my own and it’s doable financially. I know it seems daunting but your mental health is so important you’ll find you will be able to support you and your children without him.

Here's the number for the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 Please call them when you can.

You can also find your local DV organisation here: www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ They can also give you advice and support.

Get him to leave YOUR house and get the police to tell him not to come round or contact you. If he does, call the police again.

I will speak to WA I don't trust him he grabbed me by the neck before in the car I was screaming I think I will have to go with the kids.

if its your house, he is the one who should leave.
speak to womens aid
and police
and any friends/ family who would support you.
which part of the country are you.
bet some MNers would be willing to stand alongside you.
ring police now. you owe it to your children. jump through the fire.

When did he grab you by the neck? Was it today?

If so dial 999 NOW

Get an emergency non molestation order to keep him away from you. Call NCDV on 0800 970 2070 and explain that your abusive boyfriend just grabbed you by the neck. They will advise you from there.

West Midlands I'm so ashamed of what is happening to me. I can't believe I've let this happen to me I never thought this would be me.
I will do something when I'm alone and can call I'm at work all week and I'm off Friday next week don't see how I can ring anyone in between because he's always here and then sometimes he comes home early from work aswell so when I get in he's already here etc I never get a moment alone to myself I. Only on here now because he's silent treatment me at the moment

Talk to your boss at work. Ask for some time to call the police, women's aid etc.

He grabbed me by the neck last year when I tried to leave him we was in the car and I said I was leavutb him and he pulled over the car and tried to strangle me I got out and ran down the road then he said it never happened and I made it up it did happen. It's my own fault. But because of this who knows what he is capable of I can't reason with this person.