I'm being emotionally abused not sure how to deal with this

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I've being watching eastenders the girl on there Chantelle is living my life on the tv. I am questioned when I wear makeup or dress up I'm questioned when I use my phone. Basically my whole life is controlled by my partner to some level.
I'm allowed to see family and go on certain nights out. I went on a work night out recently and was hounded all night and when I got up in the Morning.
I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. I am half a person walking around like a ghost. It's been this way a good few years now I watched the programme and it's very much like that dynamic he's in the better job and everyone around me thinks he's a nice guy expect a couple of friends and one family member everyone else thinks he's ace.
I don't hug him anymore or want to sleep with him I love him in my own way but he's ground me down so so much I've got no love left or emotions. When he's nice I don't trust it because I know the nastiness is a couple of days away.
I've got what I would say is clinical depression now like ptsd because I've lost all who I am as a person.
I'm holding down a job and looking after the kids that's about it.
He comes to bed with me he wakes up with me in the mornings I try to get up first so I have ten minutes alone time but if he catches me on my phone all hell breaks lose so I hide in the toilet.
Financially I will struggle massively without him sometimes it's ok but I never feel normal I always feel on edge and upset but I don't cry anymore now.
We don't go anywhere really and I'm an adventurer by heart he never wants to do anything like go on holidays I always book them but he makes them a living hell from start to finish I'm not going on holiday this year because I can't take the stress of him arguing on me.
The kids aren't his Met him when my little one was a baby and they don't see their real father anymore he has no interest.
He doesn't really interact with the kids much he does the basics if I'm at work and he's not in looking after them but he's not a dad or friend to them really he isn't interested he's only interested in me.
He wants my attention at all times he even cries saying I don't hug him or kiss him well he killed that when he suffocates me.
I feel dead inside I want to get out but have nowhere to go my oldest is a teenager I worry about up rooting him the most.
I can't breath I'm suffocated every day of my life.
I'm only able to write this now because he's giving me silent treatment because I was on my phone when he woke up but he's being giving me silent treatment for two days and I've done nothing wrong. I need help I feel like life is not worth living anymore

I will ive locked the doors he's unhinged

I won't be letting him back in I will call the police I think he will be back later to be honest.

You're doing great OP. Hot, sweet tea as you've had a shock. Call the helpline.

Can't believe he's taken the dog it's a shame why drag the dog out he bought the dog that's all it is. Her micro is in my name have j got any rights regarding that please

PLEASE PHONE THE HELPLINE.

Well done darling! You doing amazing! ❤️ I know it feels like baby steps but make sure you don’t let him back in. Call women aid rights away and ask them for support please.. don’t worry you will be fine 🙂 slowly it will get better just to remind you, he won’t change don’t give him a chance i did and it was horrible.. sending you lots of hugs 😍

Where are you children??

Your*

They are with me in the house my little one is asleep as he's it well today my other two are 11 & 13 they are on the Xbox it's all quiet and peaceful but I know he's going to come back tonight if he don't he will tomorrow. I've rang the helpine they said to call the police if he comes back.

Well done for calling the helpline. Did they give you any more information than to call the police?

Op could your brother stay the night? It would probably make you feel a lot better.

Please keep yourself safe.

If you want a termination, have one, you don't need anyone's permission or approval. Lie to them if needs be, and say you had a miscarriage.

Well done for calling the help line, keep the key in the door lock, inside, so he can't use his own key to get back in. Call the police and tell them you've told him to leave your house, he's gone but he's been violent and controlling and abusive and you're scared what will happen if he comes back, which is quite likely you think. Do that before he comes back, then if he does, they'll know when you call them about it.
Stay brave and strong, you are doing the right thing for you and your children

You're doing great OP

They gave me some options on how I get an injunction and things non molestation order. He may stay away tonight I'm not sure because I came back and lost it after shopping he knows I mean it but really I feel weak inside bad and being pregnant just makes this whole thing worse but also opened my eyes that even pregnant he will bully me and probably be worse for me as well. But this hasn't happened really where he's took his stuff and gone but I think there's an agenda there somehow his mind doesn't work Like a normal persons.

More than “even pregnant”, it. Is “especially pregnant”, he will bully you. The more delicate you and the kids are the more he will bully you. So definitely it is not a good idea to go ahead with a pregnancy with this man.

You're in such a difficult position and you're doing so, so well. Look how far you've come from not knowing if it was abuse to kicking him out, getting advice from the helpline and finding out about what you can do.

You have to remember that he's not going to get better, his behaviour will only get worse. He could have killed you before and his rages are harmful to your children.

Can you contact your local DV organisation tomorrow and get some real life support? You can speak to them about the termination, get some support, have a chat about the security on your house. Some councils offer (actually let me check as I know where you are) yes, your council offers the Sanctuary Scheme which means they will beef up the security on your house for free: www.birmingham.gov.uk/info/50113/advice_and_support/1219/domestic_abuse_advice/2

Other services may be available OP. Report the theft of the dog to the police.

Very good idea to ring 111 and let the police know what is going on.

Ring 999 at the first sign of him turning up.

Is there anyone at all that could stay with you for a few days?

Are you handy at all? You could do with changing the lock barrels asap.

He’s taken the dog to use it against you because he knows you love the dog and it will bother you he’s taken it
Do not talk to him about the dog, that is his motive to get to you again
You need to stay safe and I would call 101 and log that you are afraid of him coming back to the house and what has been going on. They won’t come out unless he does something but it is then logged

Definitely call the police. Be explicit to them that you are ending an abusive relationship. They have specialist staff to support you. Can you dead lock your doors so that they can't be opened from the outside?

West Midlands Police Domestic Abuse support
www.west-midlands.police.uk/your-options/domestic-abuse

Birmingham and Solihull Women’s Aid Domestic Abuse Helpline
0808 800 0028
www.bswaid.org

I hope you have told them about him choking you OP.
You need to emphasize the choking, your fear.
You poor, poor woman.

I normally wouldn't dream of saying to abort but honestly, you need to focus on your life and your poor children.

Such a distressing thread to read.
Wishing you strength 💐

He came back and left the dog outside I'm glad he bought the dog back because my son wouldn't stop crying for her. Then he sat outside the house whilst texting me saying I make out he's evil because I've locked the doors and he's done nothing wrong and we're a family and he's crying and upset etc I never replied. I rang the 111 to tell them my situation and spent the last half hour crying my eyes out I feel such despair I can't describe it. He has gone now he drove off but this is the start of hell I can feel it

I am so upset I keep crying because I'm pregnant with him aswell and it's just such a mess but I'm glad he's gone out my house and I don't have the stress and being told what to do and when to do it.

I'd get the ball rolling for a non-molestation order ASAP

It does not have to be the start of hell! It can be the end of hell, the start of freedom. Total no contact, the police and non-molestation orders can get you out of hell.

Good work not responding when he messaged. Next step is to block so you don't even see messages.

Op, you are doing so well. I don't have any advice but I'm in the West Midlands, if you need anything just message me.
I can only imagine how scared and tired you are.