Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

That's the spirit @shitwithsugaron, you deserve someone that makes you happy. And enjoy the excitement!

Ok well I may be having a date with Mr Cheekbones at the weekend. I reaaaaally want to meet him and I just know it won't happen 😂 mind you he's so bloody gorgeous, I'd feel hideous next to him 😂

So just on the off chance that this does actually go ahead- what the hell do I wear on a date with a 22 yr old who looks like a model?

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn
....A big grin!

@Undecidedsofa he's got to be catfish hasn't he? What would a gorgeous thing like that want with an average 31 yr old single mum?

If he's real and this goes ahead I desperately want to get to the point if wearing a smile and nothing else 😂

Ah @shitwithsugaron it won't happen- he said he'll let me know 100% tomorrow anyway. I'm 99.9% sure it won't go ahead.

I'll just enjoy the little fantasy of it right now 😂

And as if I conjured him into being.... Mr Long Distance starts chatting and requests a video call. I told him tomorrow. Will report back. He seems.... Really different. Light-hearted and flirty when he was a bit Eeyore previously. I'm intrigued.

Hah! I had an old iron get in touch last night while I was a bit tipsy. He kept trying to flirt and I ended up blocking him with a "go well" message. I may have been more patient if I hadn't been drinking, who knows. Goodbye either way.

@Peanutbuttermouth I agree just slow it right down to a pace you feel comfortable with someone who is genuine will respect your needs and be happy to take the relationship forward at the pace you set, someone who isn't won't, that's how you tell the difference as to whether you're being loved or whether you're being used

Sorry, don't how to bold the above but this advice is spot on!!

@shitwithsugaron just go for it, as pp said life is too short and you never know. When I met my wonderful ex, I was literally coming out of an abusive marriage and it was the worst timing ever but he was amazing, so I went for it and it worked!

Morning!

Update - Mr Rubgy no spark at all, I am the first date he had been on in 21 years, he was so nervous it was unreal, but still no spark.

Mr bank - I was considering he was just nervous until I replied to a light and breezy text and he replied, I didn't and he sent me a string of messages ' have I upset you', have I done something etc..... I replied no and left it. He is back this morning so I am just going to tell him no.

Mr Smile and I had more messaging last night and he says he is looking forward to the weekend. I think with Mr Smile he is very secure ( secure attachment) where as I am a little anxious. I do like him a lot. I am just not sure how to broach the topic that I like to plan dates in advance? I can imagine after Saturday he won't bother to check when I am free and it will get to over a week again. Any ideas how to do this? I don't want to be the one making all the plans either.

@bangheadhere40 I think some things are best said in conversations rather than messages so I would wait until you see him to discuss your needs. Me and Mr R are both equally laid back about future dates and our plans are usually a bit vague but before xmas we compared diaries just to make sure we had time for each other so you could ask him to bring his diary or google a few date ideas together while making it clear that it's something you want him to work on too.

thanks @stealth, yes I think I will try and bring it up in person.

He has a very laid back approach and I don't really - so this is where i could see things going downhill, if anything. I like to know what I am doing and when, and to have something to look foward to. He just seems very vague, so far anyway.

@stealth how often did you see each other at first? and how often is normal at first? He does live an hour away which will affect obviously.

@bangheadhere40 I am going to send you a pm as some details are outing!

@stealth, okay thank you x

@bangheadhere40 Does he have kids, and do you? I found with irons that didn't have kids they were far more spontaneous, left deets or plans till last minute. Initially I might drop a hint like 'I can't do spontaneous last minute stuff'. After that - Well, I'm quite an arse really because if they (one person really) didn't make plans in advance - I didn't keep my free nights open for them to 'spontaneously suggest' something. I just booked stuff in. If they asked, I wasn't free.....end of story. Some people only learn by demonstration.

Yes we both have kids....and see them a lot! This is why I need a bit of notice and we can't be spontaneous really with the distance.

I think that's a good idea about learning by demonstration!

I just don't think he thinks about it, I mean I am seeing him Saturday, then after that he will probably think a few days later when should we do it again, although I need to plan my kids etc.

@bangheadhere40 sounds like mr smile may be the right one. As well as frequency of meeting you also have to look at the length of time. If it’s once a week but from say 6pm until late morning the next day I’d rather that than a few hours twice a week. You could ask if there is a good regular day for him as it’s easier to plan then with the kids but also meet up extra days if there’s a match in free time.

So I would rather he asked when I am free etc in advance, but he doesn't seem to at all!

@Jane1978xx

This week is Sat night and all day sunday ( 3rd date). That's a good way to put it, I might say do you have a regular night you are free? he doesn't seem to though, he seems to be like me and doesn't have set night for kids etc.

Was just wondering if this is normal? I would like to see him a night in the week I suppose too, it will have been 1 and a half weeks since I last saw him on Saturday

If that’s the situation with kids then it is normal really. I have set days so I know in advance when I’m free but it not the same days per week . How far does he live ? Also depends on the relationship and what it is. Mr gray doensnt live far but it’s more of a fwb thing so once a week for a chunk of time suits us. Where as if he were more a relationship the times I have an hour or 2 as dd is at her clubs or friends I’d maybe meet him for an hour or so

@bangheadhere40 Ime, people plan and make time for what's important to them. if you've done most of the initiation and planning so far, like I say, I would stop doing all that myself. See how much effort he puts in. If he doesn't, and it drifts, well....a weak lead. My issue with asking people for what you need is that - I just like that person to be that kind of person. Asking them might give them a jump start, but it's not in their nature. Mind i've been single 2 years so make of that what you will haha

Some people are natural planners and some aren’t you have it in every friendship group, workplace etc. I am the planner mostly in my friendship groups so I take that role with men as well usually . Also a lot of women are the planners in relationships so if you meet someone who had an ex partner who planned their social lives it may jot come
Easy to them

Thanks Jane , he lives just under an hour away from me! I also really want to sleep with him, but am wary, I know he has come off the apps, but we haven't had a chat or anything!

@thanks supercall....that sums up what I want them to be like as well!

and also, sorry! When do you normally have sex with a new iron? I don't want to rush in, but I also really really want to.