Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

Fabswingers. I was only on it for 20 minutes before it locked me out, but in that time I’d managed to jot down Mr Greedy’s number. Absolutely inundated with messages, it felt like a piranha pool, but they were all respectful. I think single guys know they have to make an effort, not like the entitled brigade on Bumble

NoMore

I think I'm a bit of a wuss- I'm almost scared to go on a site that's called fabswingers 😂

FabSwingers, I was on it for 1 quite mad weekend, great fun - too much in the inbox to continue but for what it's worth - the upfrontness of people regarding their situation, preferences, kinks is a breath of fresh air after Tinder et al

Is this clingy? Date from last night just message me saying:

' you seem to spend an awful lot of time on pof'......I explained that it shows online even when you aren't if you don't log out of the app. Is this overly clingy though? and a red flag?

@bangheadhere40 I hate comments like that- you're entitled to be on it as much as you want for one thing. You've only had one date.

And he must be on it a lot himself to notice how much you're on it?

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn yes I was wondering if this is a red flag. He said ' thank you for putting my mind at ease'. I really can't be doing with overly clinginess though after one date, and wondered if this is a cause for concern? I don't want to have to explain myself to someone I don't know!

@bangheadhere40 what @LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn said. After one date he has no business commenting on you being on a dating app and he is obviously on there just as much! I wouldn't say clingy...more controlling.

okay, I thought that but wasn't sure. I might just tell him no now, we have left it that I will let him know when I am next free!

@nomoreweepingandwanking ah I'm sorry. Just what you needed...

@bangheadhere40 wow to see you are on there he must be on there 😂😂. Also it can show you online when you aren’t if you are on something else on your phone. Was that all the message said ? That would put me right off 🤷🏼‍♀️

It shows online if I am on my phone, as I don't log out of the app, I googled it and it does show, so I am always on my phone so must look like I am always online.

It's putting me off though. How do I word a nice text saying I am now not interested? As he thinks I am.

@jane yes - '' you spend an awful long time on here lol' was the message!

@bangheadhere40 I would leave it, he sounds quite vulnerable. What happened to the guy you were waiting to arrange another date with? He'd come off the apps.

@tigerdater ah that's hard.

I'm still off the apps (about 3 days if you count soulmates) and going to see how long I can go for. I want to be definitely ready when I go back on. And I'm still not. Seeing Mr U at the weekend as his colleague is doing some work for me. My old friend who I visited before Xmas is still messaging regularly. He's coming to London at the end of the month and asked if he could stay over. I said yes but luckily I have the kids all weekend. He suggested we all go out into London for the day and hang out... no way! I haven't told him we're just friends yet. I know I know... but I do actually want to stay friends with him.

I would say that was an odd thing to say after one meeting. Also you aren’t actually Pof actively all the time as you have a life and it’s your app. But if he’s been on there enough to notice then he must be on there a Lot so you’ll leave him to that

@unambiguousbeard Mr Smile has gone a little distant, but we have vague plans for Saturday, I'm not chasing him, will see what happens, his messages have dried up a bit. I potentially have another date tonight with Mr Rugby.

So I should just leave it? rather than be direct and say I'm not interested?

@unambig - sounds good if you do want to be friends with him, just see him as friends.

he also said last night - ' I hope you don't find someone else on the apps, and that you are happy with me'

Is he very new to OLD He seems very over keen. I think you can gauge him having met him and if it’s better to say he’s too much or just leave it 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Yes he is very new, he only joined this week after being single for 2 years after being divorced, I am his first dates.

He didn't seem overly keen in person really, but does seem vulnerable.

That's too much too soon, imo. Would put me off completely.

Be kind to him banghead but it doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page. I would be tempted to explain why you find his approach a bit creepy, as he’s new. A learning experience for him

Not sure, I know I was like that when I first joined, similar! I'm not sure yet, will see how he gets on.

What do you think of this?

I had a date planned for tonight but my back has gone and I'm in agony, doctors appointment later to get some anti-inflammatories. I messaged him a really nice message to explain/apologise but there's no way I can drive or meet him. He replied no problem, get well soon.

BUT it's the second time I've cancelled on him, genuinely my dog was vomiting profusely last week and I had to take him to the vets. I phoned him to explain and rearranged there and then on the phone.

I did say in my message today that I know this looks iffy but it is totally genuine and I am in agony. Just looked on Tinder and he's unmatched me, so I guess he doesn't believe me!!

tigsy that’s tough I know but I tend to have a pretty low threshold for cancellations- one is just about ok, two is a no, however justified the reason. I guess he’s the same.