Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

@squirrel, welcome! have you told him you would like to see him more?

Mr Moving is back He sent me an iMessage today and I couldn’t work out how I got it as blocked, but DD2’s iPhone went wrong yesterday and we are connected, I had to log in on her phone with my Apple ID and somewhere with the fiddling around I must have changed some settings or something.

Anyway he has sent me a nice victim statement monologue essentially calling me a bitch and that I have clearly met someone else. I’ve treated him very badly

@menora, wow you are well rid! My proper ex sent me a lot of abuse the other day, saying I am a bitch and he could have had me arrested ( not sure what for).

I think it shows the lack of emotional maturity and makes you damn glad you did end it!

My ex also says I have met someone....has done even when I haven't. It's just ridiculous, they can't understand that we just don't like them!

Wow @menora! That's pretty scary. I hope you've managed to block him again.

I did message him when he cancelled on me before Christmas and said I thought maybe he didn't want to see me anymore and didn't seem bothered. He replied saying no that wasn't it at all and he would love to see me more of he had more time, less commitments etc..He also said he needed to work through some stuff himself, which is fine. I just haven't seen him for a few weeks now and he doesn't message me as much. When I message him he seems totally keen so it's confusing. Will wait and see what happens this weekend, if he cancels on me then I'll know I guess.

@squirell, if you haven't seen him for a few weeks it doesn't sound great. I hate it when they say one thing but do another, I guess you have to go by their actions, not words. :-( I have had this a few times and do try and take my own advice!

I’m fine I just suppose I don’t understand it.

I have felt angry with someone when I have felt played or used, and I understand that feeling, but I would never behave like this. His ego is slightly fascinating. ‘After all I did for you this is how you repay me’ I suppose this is why there are so many broken angry resentful people walking around. Does it make them feel better? After 5/6 weeks of dating? I felt like this after my long term relationship broke down after he cheated. I was raging. Not after 9 dates in a few weeks. I was sad when I ended things with a long term very old FWB, because we had such a long history. I was mad with the ex who ghosted me after 9 months but I didn’t do this to him.

All I said was that I thought we wanted different things, it had gone too serious and fast too soon and that he clearly doesn’t trust me and we can’t go back to how it was on date 1. I did not assassinate his character or destroy his ego with words. He cannot see past himself into other people.

Note for future - do you start out dating someone worrying you will hurt them or they will hurt you? It’s always that they will hurt you isn’t it.

@Squirrelonapetridish - on the other hand, you could believe what he says. I'm often not available for 2 weeks (work, children, etc etc) and sometimes so busy that messaging much is impossible. Also, if I can't meet up for another 2 weeks I might not send a message every day in the intervening time. I'm not losing interest, just busy.

Try reading about attachment types (secure/anxious/avoidant). I'm pretty much a secure type, so I don't tend to immediately think about how my message frequency would make someone doubt my commitment. I don't need constant reassurance. I do get that some other people do, though.

@Menora What a bloody creep! I'd be tempted to reply and tell him if he contacts you again you will be contacting the police.

Does he think this behaviour is going to make you realise what a terrible mistake he's made and actually what a catch he is?!

@Menora that’s terrible why would you be a bitch for ending a relationship you were not happy in. That is really not on at all. It would maybe understand if he tried to win you back or had questions. But you have done nothing wrong and this has only validated your doubts and shows the person he is

*you've made

@Squirrelonapetridish. to add to the above. Have been seeing someone same amount of time and frequency as yourself and when he has his kids his messages are short and patchy. So I said I’m
Not going to message you when you have your kids as you have less time with them and I’m only making small talk. This made things much better for me 🤷🏼‍♀️

No I didn’t reply and I have blocked again. I hope DD did not get this message as well! Our I-messaging was linked I think he might have iMessaged my email not my phone number who knows

I don’t know what he wants to achieve except making me feel bad for him. That is his main aim it seems now, to lay all the problems and blame onto me so he can feel better. Fine. Go ahead. It’s done now. I haven’t missed him or lost any sleep. I probably did let him dig his own hole previously - sometimes it’s good to take a wait and see approach. If someone has this streak in them then silence will drive them to do something rash, too much time to brew on it. If they are a normal rational one they will just leave you alone as you asked, take it graciously

@shitwithsugaron just logged on to see how your date went. Fab news! There's a few on here that have carved permanent seats on the smitten bench after having had a painful experience/relationship. Really hoping you'll be the next one to take a seat there.

@Menora god what a loser- and I agree completely- your approach of waiting to see what he would do worked perfectly in this situation- he really showed his true colours didn't he.

I would be tempted as others have said to contact him one more time to tell him not to ever get in touch with you again otherwise you will go to the police- I remember women's aid telling me to do something similar in the past- something about making it easier to get an injunction if necessary.

Does he know where you live, @Menora? Stay safe.

Going back a page to @LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn - a pall bearer as his main pic?! Did he even crop it?? Insane.

Sometimes I was tempted to match with some men just to give them life advice.

@PerfectPretender it was quite close up but you could clearly see the coffin, I mean I'm used to all the weird pics, semi nose, arses out doing something daft pics, but funeral ones? Are they trying to be funny?

I've been tempted before to match with people to tell then something about their profile pic. I'd love to tell all the ones who use photos of their kids how wrong and weird it is

Well at least you know straight away they have questionable judgement.

Mr Fact just messaged asking if I like comedy nights and when I’m next free- yay!

leavebefore haha ridiculous

Yay Marl

Leave that's so tasteless and crass.

At what point would you exchange number? I feel a bit weirded out, I swapped with someone and now they’ve appeared on my suggested Facebook friends. Does that mean they’ve searched for me?
I met for a coffee with Mr Shorty, he’s actually quite nice if still a tad short!!

Your fb will link to the numbers you have saved it’s happened to me a few times doesn’t mean they looked

@Jane1978xx. Phew, thanks, I think I’m paranoid. I’ve deleted myself off pof for now, can’t cope with the weird men