Dating thread 179 - am I doing it right?

[Chochito]

Looked for the new thread but couldn't find it...

Personally I think you should be with someone around 6 months before introducing them to kids. I think by that stage you've more of an idea of the person as in the early days it's new and exciting as you are getting to know each other but as things settle the real person is what you see.

Yes I agree and it may even be longer - I'm incredibly protective of my dc's emotional health as I'm hyper aware of how fragile it can be.
I'm more thinking about the how than the when.

Maybe if they meet your friends or family fort then the meeting could be at some sort of event. Then after say to kids you know we spoke to xx he is mummy’s boyfriend 🤷🏼‍♀️. My daughters 9 and she keeps saying she wants a cool step dad 😂😂

My daughter was on my phone when a notification came through on whatsapp from Mr Smile, I didn't know what to say, I think you can be honest with kids about things. I had to, rather than lie.

Hard though as there are no guarantees any way, I think us parents think about it a lot more than the kids!

MrM FaceTimed on Christmas Day and the kids thanked him for their presents and DS was interested as MrM is into car racing and have told DS about this. He asked MrM if he could teach him to drive a car properly! So am sowing the seeds slowly but surely but they won't be introduced as my boyfriend for a while. I know that MrM is going to be in my life for a long time - we have spent a long time together out of the 3 months (almost every day actually) when you know you know I think

I think the only thing holding me back from thinking Mr C will be in my life for a long time is my kids tbh. Screwing up my son's mental health just seems too big a risk! But surely at some point I'm going to have to do it. I wish there was some kind of guarantee that he'll be ok.

I think my DC will react well to meeting Mr G, when the time comes. Him being American is a huge bonus for them (I am as well, for thread newbies, and my ex is English); there will be that fascination/draw as well as him being so different from their father. My teenage DD also was very interested in his DC and their lives, which on the one hand made me hope that they could get along if the 2 families ever meet someday but it also hit home really hard that if Mr G and I introduced the children, we need to facilitate their relationship regardless of how things end up between us. He already has experience of this with his previous wife, his kids were a bit bereft when her dc moved out and it was a loss of family for them. If our lives become intertwined to the extent that our children become close, that is serious business.

My daughters nosey so I put men in my phone with a girls name 😂😂

That's a brilliant idea Jane!

great idea Jane, why didn't I think of that!

Just a girls name with same initial. I also mute them usually as well.

My daughter is nosy too, she would ask who it is etc....

Initial a good idea, I was wondering how I would work out who is who!

@shitwithsugaron no go for it!

Is it pre-emptive to suggest booking tickets to something in March that we both like, and will sell out, given that we have only been seeing each other for 4 months?

@uncorrected, not at all!

I'm not really looking forward to my date later, I feel bad about Mr Smile! But we aren't in a relationship so I don't see the harm, not sure if to go or not.

Hi everyone, haven't posted on here before and hoping for some advice. Have been seeing a guy for around 6 weeks. Slept together pretty early on (have known him for longer as used to work together). We have only ever been able to see each other once a week due to work and childcare commitments, but used to message really regularly. He went away over Christmas and new year and the messages got a lot more sporadic. He's now back but he's got his child until the weekend so has said we will meet then. In his messages he has said he misses me. To me though it just seems that if he liked me he would make more effort to try and see me. The messaging thing has pissed me off as he was quite full on to begin with. We have both come out of marriages fairly recently and he has said he's finding it hard to adjust to things, being a single parent etc..I do feel the same but I think I'm a lot more impulsive and impatient! He's also mega busy and has loads of stuff going on. Have been trying to play it cool, but it's so hard as I really like him. I know I need to get a grip! Is he just stringing me along?

@UncorrectedDoormat no think you can arrange something as far in advance as you’ve been together

@bangheadhere40. I used the same initials and a very close name.

@Jane1968xx - is that you don't think, or no, you do think you can arrange something for as far in advance as you've been together. I'm confused

To be fair, I should probably just ask him! 😂

@bangheadhere40 I worry about DS, in particular, noticing message alerts. I just don't jive the DC my phone any more.

@uncorrecteddoormat. Sorry I mean it’s ok to book as far ahead as you’ve been together in my opinion 😂. So 3 months. Something in 2/3 months is ok

@Squirrelonapetridish if he has his child then that’s his current priority which is actually admirable. I think men do message less as relationships go on . Can you ask him to call you when child is in bed for a catch up maybe ?

Seen it all now, someone on tinder has used a photo of them being a pall bearer as their profile pic... 😶

Re: the introducing kids, I get the impression most people on MN think you should be married before you even think about introduce them to your children but I think you should use your common sense. I think a few weeks is a bit early myself but I guess it all depends on lots of different circumstances.

Mr Ad id the fist man I have introduced my kids to in the 2 years I have been separated and he met them just before Xmas when we had been together 4 months. We met up with him at an indoor crazy golf place in the middle of where we both live, had a game of that then went for some lunch. It went really well and it was good to have an activity to focus on so that it wasn't too intense for anyone.

By that time the kids knew about him and were asking when they could meet him (and they had already met gf #2 of their dad's by then...)

My kids are 12 and 13 though so can understand things quite well.