He doesn't love me anymore

[TheGoodNamesWereAlreadyTaken]

Dh and I had an argument last night. After it had calmed down and we were talking he told me that he "loves me but doesn't love me as much as he should" "we've drifted apart" "have different lives"
I agree to an extent about us drifting apart. We don't have much in common and tend to do our own thing and haven t been spending as much time together as we should have been over the last year. But I still love him. It isn't fireworks anymore but I can't imagine my life without him. I expected us to grow old together.
We've been together for 15 years and married for 11 years. We met when we were 17 & 21. We have two children together who are coming upto the teenage years.
We don't have sex often anymore as he is dealing with an ongoing health problem and has been waiting for 3 years for treatment for this.

Is there anyway back from this.

I said to him that marriages need work sometimes. It doesn't always come easy. And feelings do change over time. Just like mine have. But he said it seems inevitable that eventually it will end. It makes me think he doesn't even want to try. He said he'd felt like this for a couple of years now.

Any advice?

God he’s a self indulgent twat
Depression or no

Don’t let him try for another week what’s the point he’s told you it’s over

I asked him multiple times if there was someone else or even the possibility of someone elss. He swears there isn't.

Going to ask him to leave on Monday night. Give the dc's a day to process it.

I’m so very sorry, but good he goes on Monday. I’m glad the limbo you were in is over.

Be kind to yourself, let your friends help you and confide in them. Take it one day at a time. You are still a family with your DCs. Do you have other family nearby?

When my marriage was suddenly over I thought I would never get over it - I didnt want to - I wanted to turn back time. But I did get over it and life is so much better and it WILL be for you too.

Lots of people on here rooting for you and wanting to support you

It’s awful just now, but it will get better. I agree with @Lozzerbmc

Tell people irl, you’ll be surprised how many others have been through similar. I found this a massive help.

I know people who have been through similar. One very recently at work. Don't know whether to reach out to her or if it's still too raw.
I've told my family and 2 closest friends. One of which took me out for a drive and coffee last night and gave me lots of good advice. She's also newly divorced. But it was her choice.
I feel numb. He's telling the dcs today. It's going to break their hearts. This is the worst age/time for this to be happening to them.

I’d reach out. It’s surprising who can be really helpful cos they know how you feel.

My dcs were very upset to start with, but honestly they are happier now and enjoy the relaxed atmosphere with me. We’ve made a great new life for ourselves despite what happened, so there is hope 💐

Oh OP I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your DCs
Please stay strong, and know that happiness will come again x

OP seriously in the nicest way possible I want to shake you

Why are YOU telling the kids? Why are YOU letting him stay until Monday?

Tell him today that HE tells the kids and then packs his bags and leaves today. It’s gunna be horrible for the kids regardless of when they find out so just get it done.
If I could go back and give myself some self respect when I was in a similar position to yours then I would. You have been bending over backwards trying to be the perfect wife for him for weeks when all along this probably would’ve been his plan. So he can say “I tried!”

There might not be another woman. Not all men leave for someone else. Sometimes people do change and fall out of love. But honestly he’s not your partner anymore. Stop thinking about him and what he wants, stop dressing up keeping him around as doing it “for the kids sake”.

It’s over now. Take back some control and self respect and start calling the shots because it doesn’t matter how many years you’ve spent together he will not be thinking of your happiness anymore. Reading this threads will tell you everything you need to know... even the nicest of husbands turn into sneaky bastards once they’re single.

He's staying till tomorrow as I don't want him to just tell the kids and leave. I want them to have time to process it.

He's been saying he can't leave on Monday as he has nowhere to go. He has legal rights blah blah. I've told him in no uncertain terms he is to come in from work her his stuff and go.

Well done OP. You're doing great. It's so difficult to process the shock of it but it sounds like you are standing up for yourself now.
My DC were 4 and 7 when ex left. They reacted very differently. I won't lie, it was tough helping them process their emotions. The 4 year old took it out on me because I felt 'safe' and not a flight risk like her dad.
But they are both really happy, well adjusted kids now and have a better relationship with their father as a result of the split.
It's good that you have people to lean on. Don't be afraid to ask for help and expect to cycle through all the emotions- shock, anger, sadness. Then slowly you start to see light at the end of the tunnel.
It takes time though. Be kind to yourself. And get a good solicitor that's been recommended.

I can't afford a solicitor. How do people pay for this shit!?

This is where you’ll probably see a whole different side to him. Prepare yourself OP.

He’s right it’s his house aswell as yours and so he does have legal rights. But he’s also ended your marriage and is about to turn your life upside down so if he’s a half decent person he’ll find somewhere else to stay. What about his parents? A friend? Renting a room?

If he wants to end the marriage well that’s his choice but he also needs to realise that by doing so comes the reality. He doesn’t get to stay living in the same house watching you suffer, that’s just cruel.

I hope you’re okay OP. I’m sorry this has happened.
There’s plenty 30 minute free advice sessions from solicitors. Perhaps use a couple for different advice?

Also citizens advice maybe worth a visit. They told me everything that I was entitled to benefits wise and helped me out.

If you haven’t heard of the Frolo app it maybe worth a look up/join. It’s a single parent app and there will be lots of people who have been there who may have advice

If you phone around solicitors some give a free consultation or a reduced rate one at least.
Some will also accept payment on receipt of settlement.
I was lucky, my dad helped me out financially until it was all over.
He can find a hotel. Or an Air BnB. Or he can go to a friend or family member.
Well done on staying strong.
He does have rights, as he says, but he has already stomped all over your boundaries so don't allow him to do it any more.

I really hope to not get solicitors involved. Maybe we can just stay indefinitely seperated. I have no plans on marrying again...

Honestly OP, it's like living in limbo.
What about a financial settlement?
What about living arrangements?
What about your DC future?
Do you have a good pension?
Does he?
What sort of child maintenance will he pay?
Can you afford to live in the house with your DC and cover all bills, mortgage etc....
You need to be financially independent of him.
That means sorting out everything and separating properly and finally divorcing.
He will want to sooner rather than later because I can guarantee there will be a little companion by his side soon enough and she will want a commitment from him! And if you don't take charge right now, he will and with the OW in his ear about how unfair everything is, you will come out worse off than you should.
Get some advice and do it fast!!!!
Do you have joint accounts?
If so, get them frozen so he can't wipe them out.
It may sound extreme but you do not know this man now.
Trust us all on that!!!

For goodness sake, see a solicitor and see one now!

He will be much more amenable now while still feeling guilty.. and you need to safeguard your rights, and must importantly your dcs.

Did he actually tell the children op?
So he couldn’t leAve today when does he intend to leave?
Don’t let it drift or he will be making excuses for weeks

He's been saying he can't leave on Monday as he has nowhere to go.

Didn't he stay with his dad at the beginning of the month?

He's leaving now. This is so hard.

I know. I remember a friend saying to me that although I was really hurting at that moment that this was going to be the worst it was going to be, that he couldn’t hurt me anymore than he had. I didn’t believe her at the time but she was right, even now when he does something that upsets me I bounce back a lot quicker. You will be ok x

It hurts so much. I'm now convinced there's another woman. Just the way he was when packing up his stuff. The only things he said to me was not to do anything stupid with his stuff. And accuse me of taking £250 out of his wardrobe that I didn't even know was there..

This is the worst. But I dreaded it so much and then after a day or two felt such a sense of relief 💐

I hope so I'm in bits. I feel like smashing up his stuff after what he said!