Online dating - keep being hurt. Please help.

[SirChing]

I have been online dating for about 5 months.

I have chatted to all manner of men online. Some, I have felt really close to. I have put that down to the fact that being online, all you can do is get to know each other's personalities.

I have met a couple of men where this has happened and while there may not have been an initial physical phwoar on my part, I have known that it's their insides I have liked, and then I have fancied them anyway.

I have spent a couple of weeks chatting to a guy online. Absolutely adore him and he me. Finally met last night and slept with him. We had to stop as we are both full of colds but I also suspected something was wrong afterwards and left. He has messaged me now to say that our spark and chemistry didn't translate into real life.

I am so hurt. I know he fancied my personality and I know that he fancied me physically too - until then. I thought it was normal to "come down to earth with a bump" when faced with the reality of someone.

He was saying to me before we met that he isn't shallow and we all have bits of us that we don't like. I feel so hurt that apparently that isn't true for him.

I really really adored who he was as a person and am now gutted. How do I move forward without getting so hurt?

I find that men who type long messages, i.e paragraphs, to simple questions like where they live are usually a bit suspect. They want to get in enough information to look as though they're building a bond with you before you move things on to meeting up. Or the " I'm too busy to be on this site, add me on WA, here is my number, love to talk to you more...etc etc", I never give my number, unless I've agreed to meet up. And if I don't want to se them again, always block and delete

@Mistlewoe that's interesting, I had a few men approach me like that, but they made me feel weird so I didn't pursue it with them. I have blocked and deleted those I don't want to see again.

@newyear20 that sounds really uplifting. I think I shall get that book too. Thanks for the recommendation.

Online dating is hard. On a positive he did text you quickly to tell you. I’ve been ghosted after first date - seems to be acceptable to many. I personally find it rude and I really dislike internet dating so have stopped.
Not everyone is going to like you but that doesn’t reflect on you at all, it’s just life.
I think it’s pretty shitty of him to have sex with you if he knew there was no spark so maybe you’ve had a lucky escape.

@Feelinggoodashell Thank you. That's true, he did let me know.

It's the sleeping with me with him feeling there was no spark which hurts. I feel used and humiliated. Which means he is a shitbag. On my way out, he started to slag off his ex and called her a "cunt" which made an alarm bell ring, but I had forgotten about it until now.

I think I have had a very lucky escape!

Oh dear, saying that about his ex is a massive red flag. Just remember that during messaging on these sites guys can be who they want to be.
Some lie, some don't. It's similar to real life only more difficult to get a "feel" for what they are like, no body language etc. You have indeed had a lucky escape. As previous posters have said, please don't put yourself in danger again by going to someone's house until you know them much better OP.

@Cherrygirl3 - thanks, I won't do it again, that's for sure.

What I also think is bonkers, is him being a shitgibbon despite me knowing where he lives.

I can easily imagine the wrong type of woman telling her mates/brothers about this sort of behaviour and then giving them his address for a kicking. That's not how I would ever behave but some people would.