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Original poster

Online dating - keep being hurt. Please help.

156 replies

SirChing · 29/12/2019 07:19

I have been online dating for about 5 months.

I have chatted to all manner of men online. Some, I have felt really close to. I have put that down to the fact that being online, all you can do is get to know each other's personalities.

I have met a couple of men where this has happened and while there may not have been an initial physical phwoar on my part, I have known that it's their insides I have liked, and then I have fancied them anyway.

I have spent a couple of weeks chatting to a guy online. Absolutely adore him and he me. Finally met last night and slept with him. We had to stop as we are both full of colds but I also suspected something was wrong afterwards and left. He has messaged me now to say that our spark and chemistry didn't translate into real life.

I am so hurt. I know he fancied my personality and I know that he fancied me physically too - until then. I thought it was normal to "come down to earth with a bump" when faced with the reality of someone.

He was saying to me before we met that he isn't shallow and we all have bits of us that we don't like. I feel so hurt that apparently that isn't true for him.

I really really adored who he was as a person and am now gutted. How do I move forward without getting so hurt?

OP posts:
Original poster
SirChing · 29/12/2019 14:29

@ExTwitter Spooky, I was just looking at Bumble.

I have never understood why men send dick pics. All dicks look like brothers or cousins to each other anyway! And I don't care how big it is, I care what they do with it. And they may have tiny hands giving a false impression anyway.

It's awkward when they send you a picture and all you want to say is "erm, I think that looks like it might need a few swabs taking" Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
SirChing · 29/12/2019 14:31

@bangheadhere40 Yep. And it is us projecting to a certain degree without realising.

OP posts:
Babyg1995 · 29/12/2019 14:35

How can you adore anyone after chatting for 2 weeksHmm

bangheadhere40 · 29/12/2019 14:37

I was definitely projecting, and he is still I'm touch but I left myself very emotionally vulnerable. Not doing that again.

bangheadhere40 · 29/12/2019 14:38

@ baby, depends on the topic of conversations

bangheadhere40 · 29/12/2019 14:39

And the frequency

ExTwitter · 29/12/2019 15:25

It's awkward when they send you a picture and all you want to say is "erm, I think that looks like it might need a few swabs taking"

Upon receipt of said Dick Pic, reply with words much like:
"Many thanks for the photograph, I have shared it on a Facebook group. We have all agreed that it looks just like a fully formed penis, just at a very small scale. Perhaps in future send a picture of a grown ups or, at the very least, one of at least normal scale."

Then block immediately.

Original poster
SirChing · 29/12/2019 15:36

Hahahahaha I shall remember that!

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 29/12/2019 15:37

I've never been sent a dick pick, am I missing out.

Original poster
SirChing · 29/12/2019 16:51

@bangheadhere40 only if you are fond of working out whether things are either small or far away! Grin

OP posts:
yellowallpaper · 29/12/2019 17:51

OLD for many men is just a free cheap shag exercise. My exH told me once, men would say anything to get you into bed. He may or may not have been right, but if you take this on board and not get so emotionally invested, it may give you a bit of perspective.

Original poster
SirChing · 29/12/2019 23:16

@yellowallpaper I think you are right. The guy was pretty rude via whatsapp today so I think he was playing nice for the sex.

OP posts:
lovethesunshineways · 30/12/2019 00:14

Don't be too hard on yourself @SirChing
I had never done OLD before and a few months ago I decided to go for it, just for a laugh really. I started chatting to a few men but one really stood out and we just clicked. We met up the following weekend after messaging constantly and the spark was there from the very first minute. We have been inseparable ever since.

Jenjary1000 · 30/12/2019 02:06

I live in a rural area online dating sucks

Iamthewombat · 30/12/2019 02:18

Don’t pour your heart and soul out to strangers online. Arrange to meet them quickly and dont get so attached. As others have said, you cant possibly adore someone after a couple of weeks and it doesnt seem particularly healthy to me!

This!

Why waste your time baring your soul to somebody who might be a complete tw*t in real life? Or a 15 year old, or whatever. Don’t get so invested so quickly.

Original poster
SirChing · 30/12/2019 03:49

@Iamthewombat Christ, it never even occured to me that it could have been a kid pretending. What a bloody nightmare that would have been! Shock

I have decided to take 2020 off from dating. I have some health issues I need to sort, my house needs redecorating from top to bottom, and I want to focus on my daughter and I. I am taking all this is a sign to take a step back and put my energies elsewhere!

OP posts:
rededucator · 30/12/2019 03:57

Never wait than10 days to meet a OLD

rededucator · 30/12/2019 03:57

More

ExTwitter · 30/12/2019 06:44

The guy was pretty rude via whatsapp today so I think he was playing nice for the sex.

Do not keep men on WhatsApp. Once it's over, it's over. Block, block block, delete, delete, delete. Give them no more headspace.

Original poster
SirChing · 30/12/2019 07:14

@ExTwitter Oh I have blocked him and deleted all his contact details too so I am never tempted to contact him again. He is an arse so I wouldn't even want him as a friend. Friends don't decide that they don't fancy you AFTER they have shagged you.

I don't care that he doesn't fancy me, beyond a bit of a dent to my pride. I am livid that he decided after sex though. It's so rude! It has made me feel really bad about my body, despite other men in the past not giving a toss about my c section overhang and thinking I am sexy. It's such a kicker. That's what I am pissed off about.

OP posts:
ExTwitter · 30/12/2019 07:47

I'm not surprised you're pissed of about it tbh. Sounds like he's a shit weasel and not worth your headspace or consideration.

Take some time, decorate, be a mum and get your health on track.
Return to dating and never forget... You're the prize.. only men that you deem worthy of a date are lucky enough to get one.. 😉

Original poster
SirChing · 30/12/2019 09:10

@ExTwitter thanks, that's lovely of you. Frankly, by the time anyone gets in my pants, the only appropriate response is gratitude! Grin

I think I shall swerve online dating and just see who life throws my way. Que sera sera.

Have a good new year.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 30/12/2019 10:08

Unless he was a mixture of Chris Hemsworth and Aidan Turner himself, I don't think he has a leg to stand on with the 'no sexual attraction' thing! Who died and made him God of whether you are attractive or not?

He was embarrassed about his performance and wanted to forget all about it. He should man up and go to the doctor instead of blaming all women for not being sexy enough for him. The plonker.

Original poster
SirChing · 30/12/2019 10:43

@Zaphodsotherhead I totally agree. He was fine until his cock died! I told him to get to the GP as if it's a physiological thing, it won't suddenly work properly by meeting the right woman. Having a foreskin that doesn't retract at all isn't normal. He and his ex partner were pretty much each other's first experience, so I don't think he knows that he has something with it. He does now!

I am angry that he has blamed things on me, when he knew I was sensitive about my tummy. No woman's body is that bad that a man's cock goes limp when he is already inside her!

I have dodged a massive bullet and am annoyed at myself too for being far too emotionally open online.

OP posts:
newyear20 · 30/12/2019 12:20

Hi OP. There is some good advice on this thread. I want to say don't be hard on yourself. You made a mistake and you can learn from it.

If you ever want to date online again and want a relationship try to get to know someone before you get physical with them. Sex isn't always about intimacy.

There's a good book I've just read called "The Unexpected Joy of Being Single". The author has made some dating mistakes but haven't we all. It's a good read especially if you are single.

Wishing you a very happy new year