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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

999 replies

NoMoreWeepingAndWanking · 28/12/2019 14:37

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Neverexpected2 · 29/12/2019 20:38

cheesecakeaddict smoking is a big no for me too. Ex was a smoker and although never did it around me ever (in 21 years) I didn't enjoy kissing him - and I love kissing. The OW he ran off with is a smoker too so he apparently smokes even more now as he reeks of it when he gets out of car to pick up/drop kids 🤢

shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 20:39

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jane1978xx · 29/12/2019 20:46

I think you are either ok with smoking or yoh arent and that’s personal choice.

@bangheadhere40. The loudness will prob calm down over time and i wouldn’t ass if as a deal breaker. I have loud friends and it doesn’t stop me being friends with them

CheesecakeAddict · 29/12/2019 20:51

@shitwithsugaron ooh that was quick. Way to go!

LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn · 29/12/2019 21:14

@shitwithsugaron beg I put them off faster 😂

I dunno whether it's me or what. Not one iron, no prospect of a date. Very fed up.

Lovemusic33 · 29/12/2019 21:26

Not keen on smokers either. Ex smokes and it pisses me off when he brings the kids back stinking of it, he says he doesn’t smoke near them but he must do.

I’m not having much luck, I have a few irons but none are reading screaming out “relationship material “ to me, though I might get desperate soon and need a FB/FWB 😐.

LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn · 29/12/2019 21:33

@Lovemusic33 is it just the time of year? It's horrible, just when I could go with a few decent dates and it's impossible

shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 21:38

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Lovemusic33 · 29/12/2019 21:57

Leave I think it is the time of the year, people don’t want to go out as much and go into hibernation. I’m hoping things will pick up in a few months. TBH I’m not that keen on going anywhere in the winter so it has to be someone pretty special to get a date.

Sunshineandflipflops · 29/12/2019 22:13

My 12 year old son has just asked me what an orgasm is. He came downstairs while a durex advert was on and I couldn't turn it over in time. How the actual fuck do you explain that one?!

TheCatWithTheHat · 29/12/2019 22:17

Hi - would love to join in this chat, but just wanted to check if guys are welcome to contribute?

shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 22:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 22:20

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LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn · 29/12/2019 22:21

@Sunshineandflipflops oh god I think at 12 you just gave to be honest don't you? 😬😂

@TheCatWithTheHat welcome, how are you getting on with OLD?

shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunshineandflipflops · 29/12/2019 22:25

Yes but how?! Something like "when two people enjoy sex together"?
He's quite an immature 12.

shitwithsugaron · 29/12/2019 22:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jane1978xx · 29/12/2019 22:28

If he knows what sex is (I assume he does) say it’s a nice feeling you get in sex.

Sunshineandflipflops · 29/12/2019 22:30

I'm pretty sure he knows what sex is, yes.

I think he could see how flustered I got so not sure he'll ask again to be honest 😂

bangheadhere40 · 29/12/2019 22:31

@cat hi! I replied on your other post, similar situation here from the other side. How are you getting on?

LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn · 29/12/2019 22:31

@Sunshineandflipflops is there a book that you could get him maybe?

Sunshineandflipflops · 29/12/2019 22:33

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn I got him one a while ago about growing and changing (he'd already found his older sister's by then!) but not sure there are many books which explain an orgasm in such simple terms...

FFS, why can't this happen when they're with their dad?!

TheCatWithTheHat · 29/12/2019 22:39

@shitwithsugaron - great! Always happy to help out, and also hoping to pick up some insights!

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn - thanks. I signed up initially back in July after an 8 year relationship finished earlier in the year, so it's been my first experience of OLD. I joined Tinder, Bumble, Happn and Hinge.

First time around, I went on dates with about 8 women, and only 1 I saw twice but she was Russian and didn't speak much English, so it took two dates to say the same as most people would manage in one date :D I had a nice time with all of them, but things just didn't click with any of them.

Then I met someone in August on Tinder, went on first date about 6 weeks later, and over the course of the next few months saw her about 8 times, including a couple of overnight stays, until just over a week ago. Then last weekend she told me she's worried she's not in the right headspace for dating anyone (there's a thread on here about it), so although I'm giving her some space and hoping she'll change her mind I've also re-joined Tinder and Bumble earlier this week.

So far I've had a few matches, and been chatting to a couple of women - one of whom seems interested in meeting next week, although she's going travelling on the 3rd for the rest of the month.

I've also seen the profile of the girl I was dating appear which was a bit of a shock - it's hard to know when it was last used, but the photo was taken not long before we met for the first date, so it's possible she hasn't been on there for a month or two. Plus we didn't ever have the "exclusive" chat, although I was rather hurt to think that she considered us dating, but may still have been using Tinder. Also it makes me question how she can tell me she's not in the right headspace for dating if she's back on the app. Although she did tell me that I was only her second date this year, as she hates first dates and takes a long time to get comfortable enough to meet someone, so who knows.

Bluezoo123 · 29/12/2019 22:41

Just checking in. All good with bf and he is being very supportive at the moment but I have lots of shit going down wrt one of my dc. Very complex situation and no easy solution-practically and logistically tricky and will likely cause a massive fallout with ex.

bangheadhere40 · 29/12/2019 22:43

@leave ...it is what happens when you have sex ( or sometimes not unfortunately 😁).

Jesus this whole OLD is awful, I've not given a toss tonight and asked my original 3rd option out. How do you filter these men? So many are manipulative and it's just a waste of time.....

I have no patience tonight!