Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Jane1978xx, @LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn, @TigerDater

More because it is typical behaviour. Yes it's absolutely what I wanted at the time. I find him really attractive. I dont think I want a relationship with him though.

@cheerup why do you feel rubbish?

@Menora how long have you been seeing him? If only just a few dates, I'd say text would be fine. If it's a few weeks, I'd say call.

Oh man. So I wussed out this morning and just said I had childcare issues and wouldn't be able to get childcare until after the new year. He's still been texting me non stop and wants to video call again tonight. I'm going to have to be blunt, aren't I? 😭

@cheerup please don't feel bad. If you're attracted to him it's no surprise it happened is it.

I feel a bit like he judged me for it although he was a more than willing participant.

Well if he judged you god it that's his problem not yours- fuck him and duck men with attitudes like that. What makes you think that anyway?

It's the typical gone from being really keen to being a bit awkward after the act (we can call him Mr WC From suggestive messages to we need a couple of days to see how we feel. Which as I don't think i want a relationship with him is ok i guess. So I have no idea why I feel rubbish. Possible because there is another iron I might want a relationship with - let's call him Mr B - if I ever meet him, possibly unlikely as he lives several hours away.

I've managed to match another 22 yr old who looks an awful lot like FWB 🤦‍♀️ what am I like..

@cheerup are you me! I have an iron I so desperately want to meet but trying to get on with others.

I am trying here! Last night, another for the weekend, but all I really want is the original iron. I am trying to get out there and get over it, meet new people etc.

@bangheadhere40 I think maybe I've just got/had too many irons along with too many late 40s hormones. I have less self control than when I was a teenager.

@cheer me too, completely get it!

@cheerup has he text you since ?

cheerup if he participated and is now judgy he is a tosser.

banghead you need to forget him lovely. He is not real, you have never met him. Keep dating.

cheesecake brother lookalike? Is that the only reason you don’t want to meet him? Would it not be worth seeing him? I know you video called but he might be different in the flesh. If it’s a defo no then yes you need to be blunt I think.

menora Text and tell him you need to talk and then tell him he is a great guy but he is looking for more than you can offer him at the moment.

leavebefore I think you need to stop swiping lookalikes 😂I know you think your FWB was perfect but he wasn’t. He dated you, then ended it, then got back with you in a demoted position of FWB. Then he carried on looking and found someone he actually wanted to date properly and dumped you. He is not perfect. He was cruel. I know you probs think I’m being harsh but I have been through this with Mr Big for 11 months. I am so fucking sad that me and him are through but I have realised that he has been a twat to me and I have allowed it. Please don’t think I’m having a go at you. I just know we both need to stop mooning over guys who don’t want us

My iron from last night text me and apologised for being too full on, said it's nerves as he really likes me which is sweet. It was his loudness that put me off.

Thanks marlborough xx

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I don't think you're being harsh, you're right. It's why I never did the pick me dance, it's why I acted with so much class and dignity at the end and I don't think he has any idea how deep my feelings went which I'm bloody glad about, I can hold my head high. I can't help that physically he was very much my type though 😂 so I'm unsurprised a lookalike has matched.

More class than me leavebefore i am still cringing that I sent Mr Big Madonna lyrics 😂 what a bloody fool I am.

@bangheadhere40 how does that make you feel now he's apologised though? Are you still going to keep looking?

Is it weird that smoking is a deal breaker for me? When I was on tinder a few months ago and I matched with someone. Now in bumble I've matched with them again but then noticed they were a regular smoker so let the 24 hours expire. He's now extended the time. That's a good sign, right? But he's a smoker and my ex was a smoker and I hated kissing him. I was so pleased when he quit. I am just going to let it expire again 😳.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 oh bless you. Trust me I could easily have gone down that route in the past. I just wasn't going to have that- have him know how upset I was about it. I played it cool- not so cool as to be unbelievable, I told him I had been thinking of putting an end to it myself because I had feelings and didn't want to sleep with him when he didn't feel the same. Told him I'd miss the friendship but I was glad we had a good time and good luck for the future kind of thing. I'm sooooo glad I managed it.

Honestly though he wasn't cruel. There were times he gave more than a FWB would ever be expected to- or a partner even. When his gran died and that same day because we'd made plans he still drove 70 miles to see me. He's a good lad- it was my choice to carry on with it- I wasn't so stupid as to ever expect more.

I'm done with it- I'm only still thinking of him because there's no one else around 😂 I'd be quite happy to replace him with someone else believe me

@cheesecake, a little better as I found him physically attractive, it was the loudness that put me off.

@bangheadhere40 then maybe keep swiping. No point in accepting less than you want or need.

I had a little heart to heart with a friend today and it has helped immensely. She reminded me that dating should be fun, I'm still young (well, my eggs will start ticking in a few years but for now I'm OK) so plenty of time. I'm going to keep my standards high. How hard can it be to find a well groomed, slim man, no over grown beard, non smoker, with a decent job? 😂😂

@Jane1978xx
Nope. I messaged him. He has seen it. No response. Tbf I think it freaked him out although he was fine with it at the time.

@cheerup if he was fine at the time he maybe needs to process it. And people can read a message before they get in the car or something so they won’t always reply straight away

@cheerup why would you have freaked him out? It sounds like he's showing his true colours