Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Also going to the gym is not a hobby or cooking or reading

What do I do here. Talk to him on the phone or text or has it got to be face to face?

Mr Ad is 47, has a PlayStation (but never plays it when I am with him), is a recovering alcoholic and lives in a house share. Not at all what I would have been looking for 'on paper' but I fell for him straight away when we started chatting and he is lovely to me and makes me happy so I've learned that maybe it's best not to have too many strict stipulations as you could miss someone who is great in many other ways.

For me though, I am not looking to move in with anyone or get married again or have more kids so I just want someone who makes me happy and I enjoy spending time with and he ticks those boxes.

He is hoping to rent his own flat in the new year though so that will be better. He does have a good job.

@Menora gosh that's hard.. I mean if I was being cowardly then text... but I suppose face to face is the kindest. Having said that if you arrange a meeting he will be thinking it's all good unless you kind of say it need to talk to you about something'...

Sorry I'm no use at all. Maybe phone is best then? Actually speaking rather than just text but not so difficult or awkward as in person?

@menora, I think I would chicken out with a text, but I know that's not the mature option ☹ maybe phone.

I don’t know what has happened but I opened Bumble and 4 of the damn hottest men, my age popped straight up and I matched with one. It’s a sign! I’m bad. A bad bitch

He knows something is up because he’s trying to make conversation with me and I just said ‘I’m tired’ but also, I’ve just spent 2 consecutive bloody days/eves hanging out with him and I made it clear I wanted some time to watch trash TV by myself today 😂

@Menora when Mr SAS ended things with me (we wanted different things), he went a bit quiet for a few days so I knew something was up and then he texted to ask if he could ring as he wanted to talk to me about something.
I knew what that meant so I was prepared when we had the chat and it made it a bit easier but I appreciated the warning and the phone call. I think I would have found it harder in person but a text would have been a kick in the face.

Just text him now if he is messaging you, get it out of the way

Or ask to call him as you have been thinking

Yeah actually tbf @Menora I don't know if I would have ended up a sobbing mess if FWB had ended it with me in person or on the phone... people think that text isn't a nice way to do it but thinking about it if gives the person being dumped the chance to compose themselves and their replies and also hide how upset they are if they want to.

I'd have probably just about be able to put a brave face on in person but it would have been hard. The last time I saw FWB I was feeling down as he was quite late (first time ever) when we were supposed to be going for dinner. I was so close to telling him what I felt but didn't. He would have ended it at that point I expect which would have been hard to take in person.

Send this maybe;

Hi, sorry I've been a little quiet today, but I have had a chance to do some thinking. I think you are a lovely guy and have really enjoyed our time together, but I just don't feel this is going to work for me in the long term.

I appreciate a text isn't the best way to say, but I didn't think it fair to drag out any longer than needed. I'm really sorry.

Mr smile messaged me this am, I've not replied. We only had 1 date though...does that warrant a full dumping text?

I have two new irons. One I'd love to meet as he ticks many boxes (Mr Red) but he's not sure when he's going to be free next as he's a full time dad and the other is Mr City who could also be quite interesting. What will be will be.

Thanks all. I’m going to think about my next move!

I feel like Bumble has decided to hire some male models for the new year every other swipe is some huge bronzed Adonis with a dazzling smile/smoulder

@bangheadhere40 I would text him something along the lines of I think we want different things or i think you are great but not compatible for a relationship

@Menora I think the truth is you cannot give him the level of attention and commitment he wants so maybe just say that. But also highlight a few of his good points

So today's coffee date (date no 3) turned into not-quite-but-pretty much sex in super fast time. Its was early afternoon, I was stone cold sober. I do find him very attractive but can't see us being together. What did I just do and why? I feel rubbish:-(

48 hours in even a decent conversation so far. Wasn't expecting instant marriage proposals but this is where I start to get disheartened and it starts to feel tedious. Baring in mind, this is not my first OLD rodeo. I feel like giving up already

Why do you feel rubbish cheerup? Are you ok?

@shitwithsugaron I don't think it sounds daft, he might be more engaging in person maybe?

@cheerup I hope you're ok, I've felt like that after some dates

@cheerup was it what you wanted at the time ? I think it feels rubbish as maybe it’s out of character for you or you worry you won’t see them again

I know I said no apps til the new year but it's nearly new year right? I want to window shop...

Oh bugger. They'll all be local to my parents, not me. Never mind. Sigh

Did I say that @shitwithsugaron ?? 😁😁😁 watch me struggle with it...
I'm determined to last that long.

I've left my GS profile floating in the ether. Not going to check it etc if someone messages I'll get an email. The thing is I can't be bothered to message or go on a date so I need to stay off and not do any window shopping. I'm clearly not feeling it and it's a waste of everyone's time.