Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I think you will have learned a lot from this @Menora you can see that he pushed your boundaries in so many ways. Seeing someone 3/4 times a week in the early weeks is very unusual unless you are both besotted with each other. And even then what about your actual lives?

I don’t know if I do ever learn because I seem to just keep going round in circles. It’s really depressed me. It is easier to just be by myself!

Never stay overnight, it's too couple-y and gave me the feels when I did it once.

If FB, don't chat between meeting up. If FWB, try to do stuff outside of sex.

Don't let anyone treat you like the bottom of their "to do" list. You are worth working for, spending time with, and, of course, respect.

Honesty is the best policy. If feelings are a deal breaker for you both, make sure that's clear. And end it if you start getting feelings. As soon as possible.

Someone shake me. I just stalked Mr G's ex on Facebook and she's this well-groomed, cheerleader type. I am NOT like that at all; odd coloured hair, tattoos, no make-up, glasses, nerdy interests. He left her ages ago but I'm just so different to his normal type (he already told me he has always ended up with cheerleader type women) and I wonder what is he doing with me, really. Maybe I'm just an experiment. Ffs, it's so stupid. I shouldn't have gone looking. Old lovey-dovey comments on pics to each other. Stupidly, unaccountably, ridiculously jealous. Obviously he didn't just spring from the earth fully formed, we all have a past, it just felt weird seeing that today and I regret doing it. Gah.

Just to be clear, he has done nothing to warrant me feeling jealous, I'm just being stupid.

@PerfectPretender Here's a virtual shake you daft thing! Hasn't this man just flown transatlantic to spend 4 days with you???! Looked after you when you were poorly, spends hours messaging and chatting with you even though you're in different time zones, not seeing each other for weeks (months?) on end? There's a lot easier ways of having a relationship than that, so I'm willing to bet he's absolutely smitten with you. And as for all the sappy SM posts remember - "don't judge the inside of your relationship by the outside of someone else's" (or something like that), it's all a load of shite.

@Menora honestly you're blaming yourself again saying you go round in circles but it's not you. It's a numbers game again. Someone better will come along, don't give up.

And @PerfectPretender please don't go comparing yourself to his ex- she's his ex for a reason! You're not an experiment. He would make all the effort to see you if he didn't have genuine feelings for you.

True true! I'm being ridiculous, it will pass.

Thank you for the shake, it definitely puts things into perspective.

@PerfectPretender really don't go making yourself feel bad over this. He really wouldn't have come to see you for 4 whole days if he wasn't completely besotted!

I'm liking your rules. I've never thought about the overnight thing. FWB and I did that a lot together. Hotels overnight, my house overnight. We'd have sex, cuddle, eat, chat and watch tv, have sex again, then more chat, more sex, and then he'd spoon me all night, would wake up all cuddled up. No wonder I got the feels is it really. Not doing that again

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn As someone else said the other day, I don't think I could do FWB as I have to have some sort of feelings for someone to sleep with them and the oxytocin messes with my feelings too much so I'm not sure I could have regular sex with someone without getting the feels.

@Sunshineandflipflops I still have feelings for the welsh FWB so I don't think I'll get the feels for this one. I know what you mean though.

I've never done proper FWB- it was never defined with him before and we started off as seeing each other romantically- not FWB. I'm wondering if it's set from the start if it will be different.

Well I currently have zero irons 🙄

Mr Grey who cancelled 2 dates on me messaged yesterday to say HNY, I replied "you too" and he clearly read my mood as he didn't send anything more 😆

Mr German I saw on NYE, had a lovely evening although he clearly wanted sex and I wasn't going there yet. We agreed to meet again on Saturday but then yesterday he was very quiet so I called him on it and he said he might have his dc on Saturday after all. I just said "no worries" and I haven't heard from him since.

Urgh time wasters and flaky men, so sick of them 😠

He's already been dispatched with @shitwithsugaron, he was clearly just trying to test the waters again 🙄

You’re not an experiment, and yes, a little look was silly but most of us are guilty of that. If he wanted a ‘cheerleader’ type that’s exactly what he would have sought out. Being different does not mean you aren’t a good person who is worthy of love, it also doesn’t mean you’re not attractive. Feeling jealous isn’t stupid, anyone who says they have never been jealous of an ex is probably lying.

MrNNs ex is a very attractive, mega muscly, six foot four underwear model who is clearly very gifted in a certain area and not lumbered with a child or going grey. I could obsess over it, but then what we have is guaranteed to fail. And if that’s what he wanted he could have easily gone out and got it in a flash.

This might sound strange, but what is "the feels" and how do you know if you're getting feelings for someone? What exactly is that?

I'm sure my iron, MrN, is not suitable LTR material. We haven't actually had a proper conversation about what we want or where things are going. As far as I'm concerned we are FWB, but we do stay the night with each other. However, I'm not really that fussed about knowing what he's up to when he's not with me. We aren't meeting each other's friends or integrating into each other's lives.

I really hope he doesn't feel like there's more to it than that...

Thanks, Simon.

Clearly this exposed a bit of vulnerability in me I try to ignore/avoid. Haha.

@UncorrectedDoormat I don't know exactly- I describe it as the feels because I don't want to say love, love sounds too extreme.

I was incredibly attracted to him. Loved spending time with him. Enjoyed all our conversations, our messages. Counted on them each day. Had butterflies around him. Cared about him being happy, thought he was a great person and one of a kind. Wanted to be around him as much as possible. I remember a couple of times looking at eachother during sex and had to hold back from saying I was in love with him.

I dunno what it all was but I know I wanted him and I know I miss him. I mean I don't really want more kids but I could have seen myself having more for him if it had gone somewhere. Mad I know.

I’ve skimmed the last couple of threads, lots going on as always.

I need to come back, having deleted them all, I went back on tinder and in a moment of stupidity paid for a month, found that 95% of the 600+ likes were not local or English was a problem! It really is depressing, feels like I’m never going to meet anyone, then I get cross at myself for caring because I’m quite happy on my own, it’s only when I go on OLD I start to fantasise!! I need sanity and wisdom from you lot!

@uncorrecteddoormat I don't know think any other question divides us more on here than what are peoples FWB rules. I almost always have overnight stays with my FWBs and its never done me or them any harm. Ultimately find what is working for me you and him

Working for you and him. 😂

My iron updates

Mr Tulip - unfriended him as I don't recall want a part time FWB.

Mr Hair - I'm not convinced I'm his type. I will see what happens in the next week.

Wtf is going on with my keyboard.. don't want a part time FWB

@PP I was going to send you a spare head wobble but @jesuis nailed it

Haha thanks, SS

@JeSuisPrest Has MrC said those three magic words yet...?

I'd do an overnight with a lover/FWB but I try very hard never to have just one on the go. Saves me getting invested.