Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@menora If I was seeing someone 3/4 times a week for 6 weeks, I'd be pretty damn sure they liked me!

Sorry to hear it's worked out like this - he sounds very needy, immature and manipulative. Signing up a new profile on Bumble to stalk you is very odd too. How old is he?

Happy new year everyone.
A few weeks ago I cancelled a date with Mr bluenose,who seemed very into messaging me which at the time just scared me off. Was far too much.I was going through some stuff with my son but it's all sorted now and all good.
He took it well and wished me luck. Was sweet about it. Well,I messaged him yesterday and we are meeting Friday eve. I'm actually a bit excited as he looks my type ( at last).
I just messaged to say my messages aren't long and will just send the odd one before Friday as we dont know each other until we meet,which makes me sound like a weirdo but I'm not doing that again. He said he's cool with it.
Some lovely updates from the loved up.
I think I've been too scared to get involved with someone ( been hurt) but this is the year I reckon.im ready!

He’s 37 a couple of years younger than me

I am going to swerve bumble for now because I don’t know if he will catfish me to prove a point or something.

I felt pressured into the 3/4 times a week as well anyway but I have learnt a lot about myself over the past few weeks, some of it I don’t like so much but it’s valuable

@tipsythetiger welcome and sorry about the sadness from your past.

@menora I think we all learn big lessons from internet dating. Maybe it’s one to go on the list 🤷🏼‍♀️. Don’t do too much too soon unless you want to.

I've updated my profiles, but still not getting many likes/matches other than a couple of Russian women who want to email me, and a few spam accounts. I was hoping there would be a rush of people looking to find new irons today, but seems to have been pretty quiet.

I sent Miss Confusing a message yesterday to wish her happy new year, and that I'd like to meet in the new year if she's up to it, and she sent me a couple of nice replies but no mention of meeting.

Not sure whether it's a good idea to keep my distance for a bit longer, or try and go back to being friendly and chatty like we've always been - previously she has had a tendency to avoid responding to questions about meeting when she's feeling down, but then a day or two later is happy to commit to a date.

I've also decided to tell her (in a light and humorous way) that I'm still keen to date, and work around her down days to see where things lie. I'd rather she just told me she's not interested so I can move on, rather than having my hopes raised every time she gets in touch.

I think it’s a funny time of the year for dating and it might be a bit slower than usual

What did you change on your profile?

I think good plan to clarify things with her

@thecatinthehat do you have any pets ? A pic of a cute dog or even a cat goes a long way in my opinion 😂

Apparently the first Sunday of the year is when it gets busy.

I removed a couple of photos, so I just have 4 now, and updated my bio text to be (hopefully) slightly more humorous rather than just saying "I enjoy doing x" It involves teaching my cats to dance, and something about cooking so hopefully will inspire more conversations (and weed out anyone allergic to cats!).

I think I'll contact her at the weekend, so if she makes it clear it definitely is over then at least I have the weekend to lick my wounds and start getting over it before I have to face work on Monday.

In the meantime, I'm not sure whether I should just leave her be or go back to just some light-hearted fun chats like we usually do. Her responses over Christmas and New Year have been fun and chatty, and replying instantly at times so I don't think she's trying to avoid me.

@Jane1978xx I have two cats. I didn't even think about using a photo of them! Unfortunately I don't have any flattering ones of me and them, but I suppose that shouldn't matter.

My only strange iron was on Bumble too. Maybe they need women to approach them sorry that was bitchy

The guy who blocked me when I said him having an 8 year wasn't an issue for me was from Bumble!

Oops - 8 year old

Welcome back @TigsytheTiger . A painful part of your past sounds a really appropriate albeit sad way to describe things actually.

I am not the person to ask probably 😂
I will swipe on someone with no kids but on bumble if they say they want kids then I am reluctant as I can’t have any more but you aren’t trying to date women with kids.

Women I know with no kids in their 30’s who do want kids tend to be quite seriously in their endeavours so a potential husband vibe is something to consider, rather than it if it looks like you still go to Phuket every year or you are not really putting out any vibe. Men tend to have 5 vibes on OLD:

1. I’m a total lad who might settle down for the right woman...
2. I’m very serious about life and not much fun
3. Clear husband vibes. Homely and stable
4. I’m a complete wanker who hates women vibe
5. The most common - the generic man, who doesn’t really tell you from photos or bio what he wants from life. He’s an every man man who

I am a no 5 on the woman scale myself with a vague bio and photo that doesn’t tell anyone much anything about me or what I want

It only needs to be the cats 😂. Also I look at peoples houses if I can see them in the pics and I form an opinion off that. So anything in the background should be tidy etc.

Welcome to the thread tigsy make yourself comfortable here and sorry for your loss.
shit good on you for braving the pub alone
bats as the meet with the friends went well-I can understand your sentiments re all the photos round the house-not sure how to approach it as very sensitive situation and not sure how many photos and where is too much...
menora well done for finally ditching!fingers crossed that's the last you hear from him.
As for me - all good with bf - saw ny in with him and friends but have a stinking cold today.Got a battle on my hands this year wrt one of my dcs - very complex situation and no idea how I'm going to sort so wish me luck.

*every man’s man who looks nice but isn’t sure what he wants

I have a tinder account but I don’t use it much and I guess now I have a fwb anyway. But I had a little swipe and matched with a man nearby and we had the small talk chat about jobs, xmas, etc . Then he sends a message ‘meet ???’ That’s it. How rude !! Not I’d like to take you for a drink or I’d like to meet you. So I told him that was rude and he blocked me 😂

@menora it's been interesting to read your posts, as I wonder if Miss Confusing felt a similar way to you when I started to push for her to tell me she liked me, and that it would be OK.

I backed off completely at that point, so I'm curious to know if your guy had done the same, and respected what you were saying, would you have felt any different?

That's interesting what you say about the 5 types of guys. Do you think your 30 something friends who want kids all go for type 3, or do they end up swiping on the fun-looking type 1s and hope to convince them to settle down?

@Jane1978xx thanks - I've found a pic of my cats that I think will work, and thankfully portrait mode on the iPhone blurs out the background of my flat enough so you can't see what's there

@Menora there’s also the quirky arty, hippy types or may or may not mention tantric sex and openness 😂.

Yes get the cats on there.

Ok so I'm making a conscious effort to try and swipe on older guys and have just matched with a 40 yr old on tinder

But straight away he just seems so.... aaargh I can't even put my finger on it but.... like my dad! It's not like talking to a potential date it's boring, like talking to a parent or a school teacher or something.

Long messages, almost wanting my life story.

I think the truth is I'm not that bothered about a relationship as people who seem the types to want a relationship just don't seem to do it for me.

I'm not even making sense. Basically I'm trying to be more grown up and failing 😂

Honestly I'm not normal I swear 😂

But the hippies don’t know what they want either and they to me fall into generic 😂

Cat I think with me, it’s always hard when you can tell the other person feels more for you than you do yet - there is almost like a weight of pressure on you to feel it too. And that you have their hopes and dreams in your hands with the power to crush them, rather than both moving slowly through the dates working each other out. You don’t want complete mystery, but you want something you can slowly uncover. When it’s almost like someone’s soul is all laid out in front of you it can be a bit . It can also feel like love bombing which is something women are told to avoid, it’s hard to tell the difference between love bombing and a nice keen guy.

I probably would have dated him a bit more yes, but I think the outcome probably was inevitable

The times I have made a RS work we really were on the same pace, slowly revealing parts of ourselves

I think women are actually subconsciously afraid of men and relationships and it really is the balance between making yourself look inviting and kind but also fun too.

The 1st are charming so they usually are to blame for breaking the hearts in the first place

By late 30’s most women I think avoid No1’s. There are less obvious No3’s around and most are no 5’s.

Or hippies 😂

Jane is right. Nice cats and home photos will help. Women who want to settle down want to see your tasteful tidy decor and that you like animals that are not drugged tigers is a bonus