Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

shit hope you enjoy the match.
bats how has your afternoon gone?

@TheCatWithTheHat

Can I ask you about this because it’s something I feel like I come across. The whole trying to work someone out fast... or whatever it is, is it just reassurance? When I meet someone I have no idea who they really are or if they are being genuine but I tend to just go on what they do, not what they say. I always text people back in a reasonable time frame, I try to be funny, I don’t mind talking on the phone about my day or their day. I will tell people personal things about myself. I think I am warm in person. But apparently I am not warm on texts and this seems to make people like Mr Moving feel insecure. I suppose I am asking is this Something I could or should change?

I don’t reply to questions like ‘are you looking forward to seeing me’ or ‘I’m excited are you’ type ones because I probably don’t want to also look like an excited puppy 😂

I don’t mind replying to hello how are you, it’s a polite message!

I like him a lot I think....I'm staying over on 2nd date but not doing sex.

Menora asking for reassurance puts me off too, you're not alone and don't feel bad about it. I felt bad all last year when I was seeing an insecure guy who would always push for reassurance and the more he pushed the less I wanted to give it - even though I really liked him, and we got on brilliantly in person. It made me realise that I'm after a confident, secure-in-himself man and that's ok to want.

I also flip on and off WA all day I usually read things and don’t respond to them straight away. I think this can make me look flakey but I often share an office with my boss and I can get away with sneaky reading things but not always replying to them

I have like 3 separate family groups (one Xmas with DM in it and 1 without and 1 with Dsis), my DC groups, current work gang group, ex work gang group, some old friends, my 2 best friends... so I get notifications but I don’t always act on them

@bangheadhere40

Have fun! Is it just hand stuff 😂😂

TheCat I read the bio and if it's boring, just states hobbies or is similar to everyone else's I'm put off. I like to see a guy's humour in it.

@jane don't know yet 😁😁

He’s come back to me to say that he is sorry he comes over as pushy the issue is that in person everything is fine but I am cold on text and he doesn’t get it. I said I am tired of apologising for it and explaining things I don’t think I have done wrong, and that he’s never asked me what I want at any stage

No I don’t always text him back but then I often phone him at the end of the day instead. I am not a complete bitch. He places way too much importance on texting and I just don’t.

He's good at confusing you and flipping everything around to being your fault, isn't he? I'd consider blocking him at this point. Such bad vibes coming off him.

@KermitRulesOK thanks for the update. So lovely to hear and gives me much hope that I'll find my unicorn!

@Menora block him! You've hinted, you've been blunt, you can do more and actually this is sending Red flags for later controlling behaviour.

@shitwithsugaron enjoy your trip to the pub. I am so jealous right now!

@Menora I won't hold back now, he sounds vile tbh. Red flags all over this. I would send one last message basically saying 'this isn't working, I don't want to see you anymore. Please do not contact me again'. And then I'd block. But if you've told him not to contact you then he hopefully won't turn up at your home or whatever.

Honestly it's not you with any issues it is him! It is perfectly normal to not have to be in constant contact. It's also not normal for someone to need constant reassurances. Thats his problem.

I don't think I see it in the same way as others @Menora but I can't understand why you are keeping on with something that isn't making you happy. It was time to end it yesterday.

Not doing sex 😂 very restrained

I don’t think he’s being vile he’s just different to me

You know when you are a single mum who works full time your life is like 90% full up all the time, the person who you spend the 10% with has to be really special. And he isn’t. He also does want someone who will give him more than 10% or in my case, 5% 😂

@menora yep have to agree with others! Delete, block and don't look back!

@CheesecakeAddict my unicorn was only a swipe away and lives 15 minutes from me - he's out there and when you find him you'll know!

@Sunshineandflipflops broken bed whilst shagging?! That's ace! Really glad you and Mr Ad are going well!

@bangheadhere40 Go for it, definitely think waiting is better. I had to laugh at the way you said it ‘not doing sex’ 😂

@menora sorry just read he arranged a date you hadn't agreed to?! Whaaaaat? Def get rid and block. ASAP.

@BatshitCrazyWoman did you mention the picture to him? That is odd. How long ago did his wife die?

@Menora how long have you been seeing this guy?

For me, I assume that if someone wants to meet for a date after the 2nd time it's because they like me, but if I like them I do sometimes doubt myself and worry that they will change their mind. However I try hard not to let this show.

Everyone is different with how quickly they respond to texts/WhatsApp messages - I don't think it matters so much how often you speak, but whether that pattern changes. E.g., if I'm used to speaking to someone several times a day, and they usually reply straight away then I start feeling something is odd if they then go quiet for a day or two, or start being vague about plans to meet up.

As for trying to figure things out - in my case, I've only felt like this when I've wanted things to move faster than the other person (usually because they've not really been that interested in a relationship), and in my recent situation it was because after 3 months of dating I started getting mixed signals and wanted to know where I stood. I do (usually) try to be subtle about it though, and not just dig for compliments.

It's nice to hear someone say that they're looking forward to seeing me, or looking forward to the date especially once you start getting to know them and are actually dating but I wouldn't constantly ask to be told this.

@Menora I don't think he sounds like a terrible person but it's clear you both want different things and have different communication needs/styles so I think the kindest thing for both of you is to end it.

@KermitRulesOK to be fair, my bed was on its was out, Janice having another on order already but while I was enjoying myself on top of him, the bottom of the bed just dropped underneath us 😂
We laughed and obviously carried on because we were having way too much fun!

I might have to see if I can bring the new bed delivery forward a bit now though...