Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

menora spell it out very clearly for him that this is not working for you so you do not wish to see him again. Short and emphatic.

shitwith awesome behaviour!

Much as I would like to jump the bones of Mr Smooth as promised tonight, I’ve told him I won’t be seeing him. I’m not taking any shit in 2020 so I’m not going to give any out either. I have two other FWBs so it’s just not right to add a third into the mix. I need to focus on the future now I’m all alone 😱😂 so cannot be any further distracted from finding my unicorn than I am already by Mr Greedy and Mr Mad. Slightly wonky boundaries, but boundaries nonetheless!

@shitwithsugaron of course you can go by yourself. It's 2020. Why is not acceptable for a woman to go on her own? I think your mum has been in your ear too much. You definitely should go. Yhsys

simon if the reason you don’t feel able to go to a pub on your own is your sexuality, I’m so saddened to hear that. It makes me mad that ‘society’ (the patriarchy) controls our behaviour so much. I feel completely ill at ease alone in a pub as I feel I’m invading the entitled privilege of yobby white 40 year old males and that could turn out badly for me

I would go to the pub alone yes. I do have a dog though so if I was bothered I could take him 😂

Hi and Happy New Year all xxx

Staying at friend's for NYE (they had a big dinner party with lovely wines!) And poor reception as out in the country so have barely been online which has been nice (just walked down the road to phone my kids) Staying again tonight as kids happy with their friends and off to a New Year's Day party in a bit

@@shitwithsugaron ... go to the pub! Nothing wrong with that at all!

@menora he is literally riding roughshod over your wishes. It would be a hard no and block from me now. Even that "kiss" comment alone was utterly cringe and needy after what you had said to him... Hope you are ok? (I am also avoidant I think - even reading your post creeped me out).

Messaged no irons last night, not even Mr Media, and did not check apps. Looked just now and Mr Dreads said he was off to check out my gym which I innocently mentioned going to. The thought of a Tinder person in my gym has horrified me so much I think I am going to block him as the gym is my safe space. How dare he? It has made me realise how much I am compartmentalising this and don't want these people invading my real life! At least not for a long time. I am probably quite hard work

Am finding this all exhausting tbh. The nice, clever ones are completely unsexy and the sexy ones are not very nice and are very pushy.

Usual potato heads in my feed. Ugh. And one man whose answer to a Hinge question was 'you will win me over if ... you let me inside you' 🤮 Bloody creeps!

Hahaha I am so OLD grumpy today! Off to drink wine and eat buffet food now!

Hope you all have a lovely New Year's Day xxx

@Sunshineandflipflops ... breaking a bed !!! Brilliant. The only way I will do that at the moment is if I put on 4 stone with all this Christmas food and jump on it

@Menora I'm surprised you had a date arranged given what you have shared with us here. I'd end it with him and block him.

@shitwithsugaron did you go to the pub in the end?

Happy new year everyone. My iron has just left. Had a lovely NYE with him. Missing him.

notcool sounds 💕

Happy New Year everyone! Been reading the threads but not really commenting much. Great to see some firm boundaries being put in and peeps not taking any shit from irons in 2020.

My update with Mr M - we've been together almost 3 months now and still going strong! Had a really quiet NY with a couple of bottles of wine and each other - I love the very bones of him and him me. Thank god for swiping right on him on Tinder! We're going to be together for a long time as we've started finishing each other's sentences and saying the same thing at the same time! He made me a Christmas card with drawings of us in it which was lovely and sweet. He seriously makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. He called me his wife to be last night and I agreed with him. There's zero red flags and everything is as it seems. I've met his Granny and a few friends, will be meeting the rest of his family soon.

@shitwithsugaron I hope you’re at the pub!

@tigerdater MiniSJT isn’t old enough to be left on his own and he’s far too annoying to take.

Happy new year everyone! I had a quiet one at home with Mr R. The dc went to bed at 9 so we chatted snogged until midnight and then went to bed. My new year has started so much better than the last one so I hope that all my thread buddies have a good 2020 with no-one dicking you around and lots of good boundaries set.

@shitwithsugaron ignore your mum, I think it's a generational thing where it wasn't considered socially acceptable to go to the pub on your own as a woman. I often have a coffee on my own in the local sports pub with a book or watch whatever's on. I get more peace and quiet there than if I was in Costa with loads of other people's toddlers and buggies.

@BatshitCrazyWoman I hope your afternoon is going well. Most people are kind and if a widower friend was introducing me to his new girlfriend I'd want to like her and put her at ease. The pictures is weird - but that could just be that I don't like having photos of me anywhere and would find it odd to have a large picture of me and my ex displayed in the bedroom even when we were together.

@Menora for a long time I didn't comment because I was prepared to give your iron the benefit of the doubt but he just sounds too pushy now and not listening to your needs. Never worry about whinging to us, we're here for you, no matter how many times you post.

Was just thinking about you, @KermitRulesOK! Lovely update.

Update, it's going well....he seems calmer today.

@shitwithsugaron I enjoy going to the pub alone and sometimes take a book or just read the paper with a glass of wine. You never know you might meet your future in there!

@BatshitCrazyWoman the photos would be too much for me especially the one in the bedroom! Are you going to sleep separately?

simon I know what you mean about kids being too annoying to go! My kids are a pain in a pub - we eat and go

I'm so ridiculously loved up it's unreal! We have settled into a lovely relationship which I wouldn't be surprised if this year ended with us engaged - my divorce will be final in March.

We have spoken about everything from making babies to living together - which both or one will happen this year. We are soulmates that were meant to find each other as we are 7 miles apart!

@shitwithsugaron I was in exactly the same place as you in September when it ended with MrT...I had ages of wallowing then pulled myself together - signed up to Tinder on 8th October matched with MrM on 9th October but didn't message til 13th October as I was working and quite busy - the rest is history which I'm really hoping the same will happen for you! I never in a million years thought I'd be ending the year with my soulmate, boyfriend and lover who happens to be fabulous at kissing!

I didn’t have a date arranged, he did

He’s text and called and I haven’t responded. I haven’t actually opened the text. I sent him a long text telling him it was all way too pushy, I know he means well but he hasn’t even thought about what I might want or need from someone, only what he wants or needs. I said he’s making me feel like I am forcing it and he’s not allowing anything to happen naturally.

The amount of times he’s told me I am ‘keeping him on his toes’ by not replying when he wants me to or not reciprocating to his constant gushing over me. He will phrase a text like ‘I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. Are you?’ to ask for a response from me. In my mind, someone agrees to date you this means they like you, I don’t know why I have to keep following it up in messages!

@KermitRulesOK that’s so lovely!

@menora he does sound very pushy and insecure! I can identify a little with how he's feeling, as some of what he's saying reminds me of what I said to the girl I was (is?) dating a few weeks ago when she pulled back. But even I know not to send multiple texts or follow them up with a call!

And booking a dinner when you've not said you're available is way too pushy too.

@KermitRulesOK Glad things are going so well :)

It's the New Year, and time to revamp my Tinder and Bumble profiles... but I'm struggling to know what to put in my bio!

Is it mostly the photo that you swipe on, or do you read the bio as well? Also, do you expect the guy to message first, and would it put you off it it was a generic "Hi, how are you doing?" type message?

@menora I think you did the right thing he seems too full on.

I have to hold myself back from being the full on one 🤦‍♀️. With mr gray when he’s not working and doesn’t have his kids we’ll text or talk for hours ( 2 days ago we were texting for 3 hours - should have just rang really 😂). But then sometimes he doesn’t reply for days and I have to hold myself back - he goes on and off WhatsApp but he says he just checks notifications in case it family or important but he’s not replying to anyone. Which is fine but it kills me not to send another message for attention 🤦‍♀️

@TheCatWithTheHat. Mostly the pics but the location and age showing is also important. Hi how are you ? Is a bit bland . Something a bit longer like how is your week going, any exciting plans for weekend etc is ok. Or this time of year reference to xmas / new year etc