Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm at Mr BCs house pre-lunch - not been here before. Have met 4 of his 5 cats and they all like me . His house is beautiful but there are pics etc of his late wife (his SDCs mother) everywhere I'm glad he warned me

@batshitcrazywoman it must be a very different dynamic dating a widower but he obviously likes you a lot and seems like it’s all going well.

It's actually a bit difficult to be here. One or two pics would be ok. I understand that the adult DC want it all here but fucking hell it's weird

I know he loves me, but I'm not sure I'd want to stay here. The house is stunning, but there's a large pic of them both on his bedroom wall. There is no way I can sleep with him in that bed ...

@bangheadhere40 see how it goes today and how you feel

I’m feeling a little bit unsure about mr gray I’m not sure what it is , I just don’t think I’m ready for any sort of relationship but I’d like to still see him like a fwb type thing. And I think that’s the impression I get from him as well, I just don’t have the time or energy for anymore

@BatshitCrazyWoman the bedroom thing is a bit much. I thought you just meant in the dining room or whatever. I only had one or two pics of me and my ex h up anyway. How long since she passed ?

Bat, I don’t really understand why he needs to keep the bedroom one for his SDC as they would not know if he didn’t have it surely. I agree I think that for you there is a level of comfort and a huge bedroom photo would be a lot to ask

@batshitcrazywoman keep seeing how things go. I can see how it is odd, but he's not dating again because he split up, so I imagine taking the pictures down is a huge step that he might not be ready to take any time soon

batshit is he being controlled by the SDC? Do they own the house? I can’t see a good reason for a man in a loving relationship being happy to sleep under a picture of himself with another woman, unless he basically has to. Maybe that’s overstating it, I don’t know. Can he move out and make a fresh start some time soon?

The house is his - the SDC don't control him - he definitely knows his own mind. It's a massive step to get rid of pictures etc. I do understand. And to his step-children it would be a betrayal. One in particular is still struggling with their grief. But I won't be sleeping in that bedroom I know that!

@BatshitCrazyWoman sounds a lot to me too but clearly he adores you. I felt weird about FWB having pics of ex who died but you make new memories with people.

I’m so glad batshit it was just a thought that suddenly popped in my head having spent Christmas with my widowed DB! Mr BC is obviously a kind and really considerate man, not all widowers are so sensitive to DC (looking at my DB here 😡). And so long as you keep out of the house, all is good!

@BatshitCrazyWoman Is this the first time you've been to his house? What have you done up until now?

@SimonJT I already had a new bed on order, thankfully but might have to bring delivery forward a bit. I've never broken a bed having sex before 😳😂

@bangheadhere40 Me and Mr Ad deleted our apps after our first date but we both wanted to as we'd chatted loads before we met and knew how much we liked each other and that we were both looking for a relationship. If you're not comfortable deleting yet then tell him that. You obviously made a good impression on him!

Had a lovely NYE with Mr Ad last night. Just chilled with the person I wanted to spend it with. He drank sparkling apple juice bless him, while I drank a nice bottle of wine.
Dry January now though, which isn't too hard when your bf is teetotal!

I was working this morning till 1pm and I didn’t get much sleep as I hosted a teen sleepover at my house after I went out to see friends last night (sober). The house is a tip. I had to walk the dog and now need to reconstruct the house and do laundry etc - so this is my life. I have work tomorrow

Mr Moving has sent me 7 messages in a row and the last one was a bit shitty. He’s booked a table for dinner for 7pm tonight and wants me to commit to what time he is picking me up and telling me he has not got to be at work tomorrow till late. I think if I went he was planning to ask me to be his girlfriend and have another no sleep for me sleepover. I’ve text him back a slight shitty text. I knew it was going to go this way I am going to grow some balls and stop whinging to you lot and get rid of him. I just am not sure he’s going to go quietly

Your last update menora actually sounds a bit scary passive aggressive behaviour on his part. I think you're going to have to just bite the bullet and be firm about ending things. Even giving him the benefit of the doubt, this behaviour will only get worse the longer you entertain him - it is still very early days for him to be behaving this intensely.

Menora I would block him, he’s completely ignoring anything you say.

I agree with Simon. He isn't listening, you'll get drawn into some sort of argument/discussion, it will distract you from everything you need to get done and sap your energy. He's not a good one, imo.

@Menora I would tell him in no uncertain terms that it is completely over, I'm you don't want to see him again and then block him.

I was getting the sense that he isn't 'lovely' at all but as well as needy and clingy also had the potential to be pretty horrible if he wasn't getting what he wanted.

@shitwithsugaron definitely brave- not sad and stupid at all! Would a man ever think he was sad for deciding to go to the pub himself to watch footy? Not a chance.

I would chop my own arm off to have the opportunity to go to the pub on my own.

@shitwithsugaron I think it will be fine- you're planning to go by yourself from the start- it's when you get stood up that it's horrible 😂

I went to a sports pub on my own for an hour a few weeks ago. I was in a terrible mood after dropping my DC off at their first supervised contact with their father, and had a half pint of Guinness in the corner, probably scowling at anyone who walked past me.

I didn't even think it would be a socially unacceptable decision!