Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I kept my daughter a secret on tinder but find even though I get less matches on tinder where I am open about here, the type of men are more likely to want a relationship than the guys that I was matching on tinder.

When do you call someone your iron? I have a potential iron I think.

I've just done a huge un matching cull and I've gone from 48 conversations down to 6. 3 are still within the 24 hour they have to respond, 1 is a potential sex pirate (you see I used it right here 😂) if his real life self is as hot as his online self. But I can't see a relationship stemming from it. But I'm up for casual sex with a hot Italian guy 😉. 1 guy who hasn't responded in 2 days so if it gets to tomorrow and still nothing, I'm going to delete him.

Then guy number 6. We've been chatting for about a week now. He is absolutely not the sort of guy I'd usually go for but I'm going to see where it goes. He's really interesting and actually asks about me which even my own husband never did. 😅.

@Stillsexystillsingle noted! I'm 72 hours into Tinder and have decided to call it a day. It's just the same as my previous experiences repeating over again, can't seem to even get a conversation started let alone a date.
I must be undatable

Excellent date with Mr Cycle. His house Thursday ... he is cooking

I ended up back on tinder because a friend sent me a link to a profile for me to check out and I had to reinstall it. I had a heap of messages waiting for me from men back where I live, where we were staying to chat pre Christmas and today I got an intro message from a chap I must have right swiped ages ago. Anyway. I was pleased that the man had made the effort for a change so I replied and tinder chat turned into WhatsApp chat turned into a very long phone call and I'm meeting him on Saturday. I have been incredibly open that I'm not ready for or looking for a long term relationship but he's lovely, very sweet.

I've actually been writing this post on and off ... I think we've been on the phone for about 4 hours now...

@nomore what do you talk about for 4 hours

Everything

Work. Families. History. Literature. Music. Hobbies. Sex. Religion. Horoscopes.

Still talking now...

He qualifies for a name now. Mr Hong Kong

@halfthesun pleased it went well for you!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking that's so exciting. What a coincidence that you happened to check!

Thank you saltysally

I'm to meet a nice-looking French man for lunch today (looks a bit like Robert De Niro from his photo) but I am ever hopeful … He speaks a bit of English and so I hope we don't descend into Jobs and Weather and general stuff. Even if you speak French, it can be pretty hard to 'chat' or show your humour as the French (lovely though they are :)) have different cultural references.

For us middle-aged British ex-pat ladies, it's either that or ex-pat middle-aged British men, which I have absolutely nothing against - but all tend to be very similar. Here, divorced, doing up a house, hates ex-wife, wants you to slot directly into role of ex-wife and love-bombs you. I know I sound cynical but I can't believe how similar they all are. After at least 30+ dates - it becomes a bit of a pattern I think it might be because there aren't that many people to date in a rural area and it's difficult not to go overboard if someone ticks at least some of your boxes!

I've been following your thread for a long time and meaning to jump in - so - I'll report back on tall, handsome French man ….

Just said goodbye to Mr G at the airport. Normal life to resume shortly.

Things went really well. I wondered if 3/4 days together would be too much, but it wasn't. It wasn't enough time, really. If we lived near each other this relationship would be getting serious really quickly. We both agree that it's probably better it doesn't, for various reasons on both sides. But damnit. He's really great.

Good luck French.

I agree a lot of men in their 50s are overweight and heavy drinkers - it seems like they've suddenly found themselves single and are desperate to find someone to fit into the wife/mother hole in their lives - they want a cook/housekeeper/sex but don't bring anything to the table themselves. It is all about attitude. And sense of humour! I only really avoided smokers and drinkers. Anyone who spent a lot of time in a pub wasn't for me.

I did chat to men in their 50s with primary aged children unambiguous so there are some out there. But of course you have to find them. And find them attractive. It's pure chance really that anyone meets someone - look at Mr BC and me - basically a Fab meet but here we are, 9 months and one day later ....

Oh Perfect I didn't see your post until after I posted - I'm so pleased you had a lovely time. It's horrible missing someone 😕

A load of catching up to do - I hope you are all ok

Dumping Mr Moving is not going well - as his ex has decided to block contact with him so it just the worst time for me to say anything. I havent met up with him though and no deep convos. I think in 3 weeks he’s seen them for a few hours. He was supposed to have them tonight and boxing night but she is ignoring him, so he can’t see them. But he’s not even fighting for them and just saying he will spend NY alone. Obviously the people pleaser in me is stressing about whether this means he’s fishing for an invite from me
I have work tomorrow and had sober driving plans to go see my friend, DD1 is on holiday and DD2 is having friends to sleep over tonight so I won’t be late back and am not changing any plans

@CognitiveDissonance same here with match! 😒 Those of you who are actually managing to get dates from online dating how are you making that happen? My experience tends to be I get lots of likes but they don't lead to actual chats and those that do lead to chats don't lead to dates.. I've actually been having more luck attracting men irl this time around .. but the problem there as a single gal about town in your mid forties is all the married narcissists

I'm on the train, gotta keep it together! You both are making me a bit teary, though.

His depth of feeling for me is much more than I realised; he never once has pushed me into something deeper before I was ready. We try to keep things light and fun in our messages, but at the same time I've been through a huge amount of stress these past two months while we were apart and he was there for me so much. We are trying to just enjoy the moment and not think too far ahead, because it makes both of us sad, not knowing how to make this work long term, but neither do we want to give up what we have just to prevent possible heartbreak in the future. Give up happiness now as a just in case measure? I don't want to do that. And now my eyes are leaking!

Sorry I’m saying his ex is withholding his DC from him

I can’t invite him tonight. I just can’t. I don’t want him invading everything I do. I really don’t want him to put me into the position of having to say no again either.

@PerfectPretender so happy for you that it's going so well, how lovely!

@Menora being hard hearted, I think you just have to get on with it and dump him, never mind what he's got going on in his personal life. Sounds really harsh but you have to put yourself first and if the timing isn't great it's just unfortunate. You aren't responsible for his other problems 💐

@Menora well you don't have to end in on nye that's a bit harsh eve for me but don't see him or let him guilt trip you. But you do have to do it in the next few days. And tell him why. He's too much for you.

@batshitcrazy that's why I like your story so much. Because you weren't looking for a relationship and neither was he. You were both happy single. And I'm sure that's why it works for you.

@perfectpretender you'll be fine in a bit, promise. You like the long distance thing! The goodbyes will be horrible though. Hope you have plans for later

Finding it hard to keep up with all the developments on here...

@menora you need to keep your boundaries and do what's right for you.

@PerfectPretender sounds like a mix of perfect and really tough... Being so long distance makes it hard, but also seems to be working by stopping things getting too serious too fast.
I'm seeing Mr N at the weekend. We've managed to see each other a bit more frequently over the Xmas holiday but the dates my DC were with their dad didn't work out that well with when we were working/seeing other family.

I'm 4 months in and was planning to keep my dating life separate from my other life for a while, but the topic of meeting people from our lives came up... And I panicked a bit. He was lovely, but I realise that I probably need to have the chat about where things are going even if that potentially means losing what we have going now. I'll probably put it off a few weeks and see if he brings it up again.

@unambiguousbeard yes, I do like it long distance. I do. For now, anyway.

He's back again in January for work, so not another 8 week wait at least. Possibly the last two weeks of Jan, we'll see.

Oh god I just got this text

I know you said you have made plans for Nye so I wont even ask but I wondered if new years day I could take you out for a nice meal early evening . I think you're lovely and funny and I've enjoyed things so far and it would be good to begin a new year with someone I feel is a great person. If that's ok with you can you let me know as I know you havent felt like chatting much.
I'd like to take you somewhere nice and have a nice time together . If you want to or dont want to then please let me know.

@Stillsexystillsingle. My approach is ignore likes and matches and just message people you like the look of / have an interesting profile. Then ask them out if they chat well 🤷🏼‍♀️. I am now seeing someone from that approach 😂.