Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well Sharon Stone is now on Bumble. So all those restricting their age settings are missing out 😂

I do 5 years either way.

My iron (boyfriend?) is a few years younger. And I've had an iron that was 4 years older. I want shared frames of references.

@uttersocks I would also give him another shot. He sounds sweet.

The calibre of bumble tonight is enough to make we want to close up my vag for good 🙄

@uttersocks he might grow. I had similar a year or so ago. We really got on but I really didn't fancy him and I was really sad. He was very keen on a relationship so I told him I didn't quite know what to do with him. We stayed in touch, he persisted, we slept together a few times but I realised he was an alcoholic and I never really wanted to be with him. He ended up angry with me for not wanting a relationship and sent me a load of pix of half naked women. He's one of only 4 men I've ever blocked.

Not that that will happen to you! I'm just sort of reminiscing. It's so upsetting when you want to fancy someone and don't.

I have the abs too and am toned. And quite frankly it's their loss. There are plenty of younger, fitter men who are interested. I actually despair of men of over 45.

I only looked at 5 years either side of my age til Mr Unsuitable sneaked under the radar. Now I'll look at much younger.

@saltysally @unambiguousbeard I will definitely give him another chance. I like him SO much!!!! He is one of the greatest guys I have ever met. I knew he would be from our messages. Just don’t really fancy him. God, the sheer irreducibility of sexual attraction is depressing

@unambiguousbeard - what are most of the 45+ men like on the apps? I’ve never seen it from the other side of the fence, so curious to know what I’m up against!

@CheesecakeAddict yeh Bumble is very bad atm!!! But one of mates has just moved in with a guy she met on there and he is lovely so it’s the luck of the draw

uttersocks it sounds like he could be worth another date and definitely a snog - then you’ll know.

salty and bangshead both sound quite hopeful?

cat I’m a fan of 45+ men, well actually 49+ (I’m 57). To me they have a degree of insight into themselves which the mad ambition/stress of family life and careers in their 30s and 40s prevents. Good at sex, funny, sorted. No longer trying to be down wiv da kidz. Then again, that’s the ones who made it past the ‘hey babe/fuck off twat’ initial stages of messaging 😂

Good luck to all those with dates tonight!

I think on POF and OKCupid you can see the age range they're looking for. I always seemed to be getting messages from 45 year old men who wanted to meet women from 35 to 40. I'd always reply saying I'm not in your age range (I'm mid 50s) and then have them say oh they didn't realise what age range they'd set, or they'd 'make an exception' for me because they thought I was 'a babe' Drove me mad. I do look younger than I am and some men around my age imagine women their age are frumpy etc etc. And I'm not!! Never interested in those men to be honest. Mr BC is 7 years younger than me and can just about keep up with me ....

Yes exactly Tiger!

@TheCatWithTheHat. I am 40 but prefer men mid 40s up. A lot seem to be into fitness and mountain climbing etc. Mostly well dressed. Into music and gigs etc. Less pics of them drinking a pint in a pub but maybe one at a festival or exotic holiday.

Well @TigerDater and @BatshitCrazyWoman why can't I find them?????? All I find are boozy/alcoholic and fat. And those are the 50 somethings I've dated. All of them have had drink problems and overweight.

I've got 27 to 33 (I'm 28) and mostly the same - climbing, gym, festivals 🙄.

I think men in their 30s are most likely to have primary school age kids and be building careers so less time for hobbies maybe

I have a problem in that I'm in my 50s and my youngest is 7. And all my friends are in their 40s. So my cultural references are all younger. And how many men in their 50s have primary aged kids? Or understand that I do and I can't get out much.

unsmbiguous I don’t know, life is an algorithm None of us can understand. I agree with you that in general men of my generation drink too much, but then I do too. And they may be a bit overweight, as am I! I seem to have met a fair number with primary aged children though - mr Mad has a 7 year old and he’s 60. And some are maddeningly slothful, watching rubbish TV while their lives ebb away, while others rush around like crazy still.

I guess the answer is to keep plugging away. I’m going back on Tinder in mid January, to find my unicorn at last...

@unambiguousbeard it’s likely they have kids and will know what it’s like with younger ones.

So I’ve had a talk with mr gray and I think he thought I was a lot more into him than I am (as in i want a fully committed relationship quickly). I did remind him technically it’s only been a month so no I don’t . So it’s not really a fwb thing but we’ve confirmed it’s still early days Althou we are close on a friends and sex level.

@CognitiveDissonance don't sign up for eHarmony I did last year and it's like watching tumbleweed. And I have never known a dating site where men actually message to tell you they are not interested in dating you but they do on eHarmony! Wtaf. In the spirit of launching myself into the new year with new hope I have joined match. It can't be any worse!

I think attitude is more important than age overall, but I agree that OLD is a numbers game. May as well cast a wide net. Mr G is 7 years older than me; I'd probably go as high as 10, but there comes a generational gap that's a bit of a barrier if I'm too much younger/older, imo.

I'm coming down with something, so Mr G has gone to get me soup. 😍

@Stillsexystillsingle what a fabulous name!

Six pages?! You lot have been busy today.

The parent v not a parent thing is difficult. I’m also probably going to be hugely hypocritical. I wouldn’t date someone who had children (Keegan Hirst being the exception, sadly he is not single), it’s something my son would never cope with, so it wouldn’t work past anything casual. However unless you actively dislike them/a genuine reason that mix wouldn’t work I do think saying a strict no to a parent/not parent could be a bit short sighted. Obviously it’s an easy issue for me to say no to guys with kids as very very few have any so I probably wouldn’t come across one, not the reality for most.

If I had been asked if I would have considered someone with a fairly severe physical disability I would have said no and wouldn’t have been interested in meeting them. Luckily I wasn’t asked that question and kept in the dark about it until we met. Obviously it limits certain things you can do, or means changing how you do certain things. But you just get round it. You just learn what works as you go along, just like you do if someone has children or if you’re the childless person meeting someones child/ren.

Unless it’s certain things a strict yay/nay rule can be a bit limiting and you could miss out on someone who is right for you despite not ticking certain boxes on paper.

Well that took some catching up on, lots of posters going on dates which is great to hear, although the "closing up my vag" comment made me lol @CheesecakeAddict
My planned weekend of remembering which knots to use from my boyhood scouting days went absolutely tits up! MissH had a big row with her oldest daughter on Sat so decided to keep her bad mood at home, and then my bug which has been hanging around for a week or so decided to come out in full force yesterday afternoon after we'd been out for lunch. I did manage to keep her up all night but only with my snoring apparently! 🤣
We're away for NYE so I've been dosing myself up all day in the hope I'll feel better tomorrow 🙄 Fingers crossed 🤞
Good luck to all those on dates, don't discount the over 45's altogether though, some of us have our shit together and look after ourselves as well 😉