Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

A girl @TheCatWithTheHat have your age preferences gotten even lower??

@Notcoolmum - no, she’s 37. I should have said woman, but I sometimes slip into referring to younger women as girls (as in girlfriend).

I had a date lined up for tonight, He cancelled the original date due to illness about 2 weeks ago.

He was out last night and messaged this morning to say he was hungover. I replied saying hoped it wasn't too bad and would he still make the date tonight?

He's been on WhatsApp but hasn't opened my message ... I think I can see what's coming ...

@dancemom what an idiot. Can't bear time wasters, you definitely deserve better

One thing I thought of, thecat is Tinder automatically sets age preferences for you so a lot of women in your ideal age group won’t have your age included so won’t even see your profile. They’d have to manually change it themselves which is a lot of effort when women on tinder already match with pretty much everyone they swipe right on. Just a thought.

I think it’s fine to have an age preference. It’s the same as having a height preference or a hair couloir preference aha.

Thanks leave

@stealthninjamum don't feel insecure, I bet you are a wonderful person and he probably feels very lucky to have met you. This was just a reflection of my own experiences. It is probably very different trying to meet a man in his 30s (many of whom don't have kids and have never given it any thought) to a man in his 40s (many of whom either have kids or know that they can't or don't want to). I didn't mean to offend, it's just a bitter realisation that I've recently had.

How old are you @Peanutbuttermouth ? I didn't put I had kids when I started this dating malarkey in my mid 30s. But now I'm heading to 50 it would be more unusual if I didn't have kids. I've only had a couple of dates with men who didn't have kids.

I'm 33. Like I say men around my age mostly haven't even started thinking about kids.

@Peanutbuttermouth I think it depends on background etc- I think more working class will have kids at a younger age. I hope no one takes offence at this- I consider myself very working class and had my kids at 24/26.

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn. It also I think depends on the cost of living, I live I. Wales and people have kids a lot younger here as it’s easy to live on one way but in London my friends and their circles of friends have kids later 30s

@Jane1978xx yes that's very true too, it's area and lifestyles too

Yeah he cancelled 🙄
So fed up of time wasters

I’m almost 38 and find most men in my area aged 30-50 have kids, some have them early, some later and a lot seem to have had 2 lots, there seems to be a lot of men in their mid 40’s with toddlers. I don’t really want to date someone with young children, mine are teens and I finally feel I’m coming to the end of parenting and beginning to get my life back (although dd2 is likely to rely on me forever due to having ASD).

Well I was speaking to Mr Traveller most of yesterday and today nothing 😕. I’m also refusing to message Mr Beard as it’s always me that messages first, I’m on day 2 of not contacting him. I possibly have one other iron who I shall call Mr Farmer but I’m not sure I will meet him, depends on his situation (wether he has young kids or has recently become single). I’ve become very fussy which is probably why I’m t on irons, I can’t be doing with any drama and after Mr Skinny who was clearly still angry about his ex leaving him I don’t want to date someone who’s only recently separated,I would prefer someone who is happy being single and has their shit together.

@dancemom delete him, he's not worthy

That’s rubbish dancemom, I’m sorry.

A guy I met twice and DTD with back in the summer has popped up repeatedly over Christmas. God knows what I called him. He’s hot and 7 years younger than me. He’s suggesting meeting on New Years Day. Seeing as I will be all alone on NYE, I am very tempted. Bad idea?

Thanks @CheesecakeAddict and @tiger

I did. Replied saying I wasn't up for being messed about so was just going to leave things and I wished him luck.

And I deleted him.

So weary of it all though. Feeling very emotional and sorry for myself.

My old favourite iron is back on fab. If he wanted to contact me he would have. I need to let him go rather than slightly obsessively staring at his profile. What's meant to be and all that. Ball was left in his court. Need to focus on my new irons instead.

Ah dancemom, he’s just one guy and you’ve done the right thing - but I know, it hurts for a bit. 💐

@TheCatWithTheHat are you into sailing at all?

Damn he just looked at my profile but wouldn't have recognised it was mine before he clicked on the link.
Onwards. I have two new irons Mr Tulip who is only in the UK half a month and Mr Hair who is far more available.

Thanks @Peanutbuttermouth I think after I got dumped it was inevitable i’d feel insecure no matter who I went out with and it was always going to take time. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences with childless men.

On the subject of what men find attractive Match s the worst for seeing what ages men wanted and even what weight , eye colour, hair you name it. I scrolled through pages of men who considered me too old and men who wouldn’t date someone more than ten stone - some of these guys were really overweight! I avoided them even though i’m size 8 / 10. I can understand guys in their 40s wanting a younger woman if they want kids but when I was 30 i would’ve assumed someone older than 40 was ancient which I now realise was really narrow minded.

@dancemom I'd block him. What a knob. You were very gracious.

@dancemom - that’s rubbish. Cancelling due to a hangover is lame, and you’ve definitely done the right thing. Hopefully you’ll meet someone soon who is more respectful.

@unambiguousbeard no - I get seasick too easily