Dating thread 178 - where we launch into the new year with new hopes

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@stealthninjamum 8 months! Wow time has flown. So pleased to hear it's still going so well for you.

@peanutbuttermouth there could well be men out there that either can't have kids or decided not to to have any of their own for numerous reasons but are happy for their partner to have kids. I know I would be. And I don't have low standards to refer back to an earlier comment you made.

You've obviously made up your mind though so hope it works out well for you and hopefully at least some lurkers or other people on the thread do reconsider if they've had the same attitude.

Why the hell do I do this too? Currently having an argument with someone on hinge who I matched with ages ago- will update after this has played out 😂

I'm wi you @shitwithsugaron about it my kids. I didn't go into detail on my profile but always said I was a mum. I'd rather men knew from the start and had thy e option to swipe left if that wasn't their thing than meet someone and then be disappointed when they found out and weren't interested. Also, if I match with a guy who didn't state whether they have kids, it's one of the first things I ask so I'd have to lie if I was asked and that doesn't feel right either.

THanks @saltysally I have been very insecure wondering why a successful, intelligent, nice man in his 40s would go out with a woman with kids but maybe I found a needle in a haystack. After my ex dumped me after twenty years I don’t think I will ever be without tiny doubts but I do love Mr R and would like to think he’s genuine and part of my future. I hate saying that stuff cos the pessimist in me is afraid i’ll be back crying in a week dumped

Actually @Sunshineandflipflops I went on a date with someone who I had mentioned I had kids to, again I don't go into much detail other than their ages and that's it (someone asked me their names the other day and I said why would he want/need to know that) but this guy I went on the date with didn't mention beforehand he had a DS and I found it strange that he wouldn't mention it given he knew I had kids

This is a really interesting debate. I'm upfront about my kids but they are older teenagers, and the men I have liked best have also had older teenagers. If they appear to be hands on dads and have a good relationship with them I like that and they tend to be nice people. The one guy who cancelled a date on me at the 11th hour was 46 with no kids and I blocked him as I was fuming because he had no idea how much juggling went into me freeing up a night as his life seemed to consist of drinking and going to gigs.

Meeting Mr Media in an hour and still sat here in sweaty gym kit. He messaged me to say he was anxious about what to wear which has now made me anxious as it hadn't occurred to me to think about it (I'm a scruffy cow normally and now worried I can't wear my trainers!)

Aww @stealthninjamum I see it as you being open minded and doing so meant yours and Mr Rs paths could cross. Life is a bit like those choose your own adventure books. Wishing you all the best

Also @TheCatWithTheHat ... younger women are a 'looks' thing? There are plenty of older women on here who are not actually repulsive, just FYI 😂😂😂 I'd say in my experience women mostly age better than men

It's different if I'm asked, I wouldn't lie but neither do I offer information. I'm sure different things work for different people and you're probably all a lot more attractive than me 😂 I just came to realise over 2.5 years that the kind of men I'm interested in - early 30s, financially sensible, secure and confident in themselves, wanting the same thing as me in an equal and healthy relationship - were discounting single mums. One guy I had a brief fling with even said "I actively look for single mums to sleep with as they are usually gagging for it" 😡

I didn't swipe on MrC on Tinder or POF because he was late 30s and had no kids and I assumed he'd be a pub going man child. When I got drunk and we matched, of course the subject came up - he knew I had a child (from my bio which he actually read) and said whilst he would have liked kids it just hadn't happened for him and now he was past the stage of being bothered about it 🤷‍♀️ FWIW I think he'd be a great dad but it won't be with me so we'll have to see if he gets some sort of mad biological urge to have his own kids, or if he's happy to stick with our current set up of him, me and DD. A very similar situation to @StealthNinjaMum and it actually works well for us.

@PerfectPretender 😍

@TheCatWithTheHat I read your other thread and honestly think she's not that into you and you're probably her fallback guy. She's breadcrumbing you with enough stuff (the cryptic instagram posts) to make sure she doesn't lose your interest completely. Focus your attentions on women who are available now. What will be will be...

@shitwithsugaron that’s one of the good things to come out of breakups - I’m at my slimmest in many years thanks to my breakup 6 months ago, then this recent heartbreak :) And with my recent push to go to the gym regularly I’m actually in the best shape I’ve been in probably for 10+ years!

shitwith I’m with you on this. If someone asks what have you done today? I say “ built a fort, made some play dough, fed the ducks. They know as soon as we chat 😂

@perfectpretender wow! Glad it's all going so will for you.

@UtterSocks I’m not saying women over 35 aren’t attractive by any means. It’s just my “ideal” age but my Tinder profile is set to 29-42 currently and there are plenty of attractive women close to my age. I agree - many guys I know who are my age wouldn’t win any beauty contests!

@PerfectPretender yes that's fantastic it's all going so well!

thecatwiththehat posted about this exact thing this morning! He's 45, doesn't have kids and wants to meet a woman in her 30s without kids so swipes left on women with no kids. This is what I've found with most men. If they've got their shit together they then feel entitled to a younger woman who hasn't started down the kids route without him. Proof is in the pudding sorry cat 🤣

I do find that strange having the age set lower than your own age @TheCatWithTheHat

@JeSuisPrest My head thinks you’re probably right, but my heart just doesn’t agree and keeps analysing everything she said when I last saw her and deciding it doesn’t add up. I just need to be told in black and white that she no longer wants to see me, so I’ll wait until after NY and then get back in touch. It’s no doubt going to hurt but at least then I can properly move on rather than hoping, and lapping up the breadcrumbs she leaves me.

swipes left on women with kids that should say

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn all my previous long term relationships have been with women 2-6 years younger than me. My parents have a similar age gap too, so maybe that’s why it just seems to be my preference?

All my previous relationships were with guys 6-8 years older but I've now realised that I'd be limiting myself to stick to that now. FWB changed my mind on younger guys.

People are either a dickhead or not, regardless of age tbh

I'm 45 and looking up to 54 for men, but anything younger than 37 seems a bit too young?

@WanderingLost167 that seems fair but tbh it's all relative isn't it? When I'm 45 I won't be swiping on 22 year olds but at 31 it seems acceptable. I think 10 year age range either way seems fine for swiping purposes anyway...

I’m meant to be working today, but instead have started chatting with a Russian girl who seems keen to meet (wanted to see if I’m free tonight, but has agreed to meet later in the week). I was told I seem nice by a lovely woman who matched with me on Bumble but then noticed I have cats so so she doesn’t see the point in meeting as she is allergic to them. I also received what I assume is a virus in an email from someone I matched with on Tinder the other day - I guessed it was dodgy when she asked for my email address, but she came across as quite genuine and I thought I’d see what the catch was. And am chatting to someone else on Tinder who seems nice, but have just found out she lives a few thousand miles away, despite Tinder saying she’s local.