I'm pregnant & husband called me a fucking bitch for not going to his father's funeral

[allisonjade]

I'm 5 months pregnant, very difficult pregnancy (lost a twin at 14 weeks, had a hematoma so been on bed rest and working from home). My husband's father passed away last Friday and today is his funeral. It's out of town and as much as I would have loved to be at my husband's side during this difficult time, I chose to stay at home. I had an amniocentesis done on Monday, and just can't take the risk of losing another baby.

He has sent me a string of messages since last night saying that it's unacceptable that I'm not there, that I'm selfish, that I'm not the person he thought I was, that there will be consequences on my decision (that when our child is born, he doesn't even want my mother to see her and that he won't hold back on criticizing them when he feels like it), that there is no need to give our child his surname since I am not up to honoring his surname myself,, that my behaviour is shameful and embarrassing... and just now, he phoned me from the funeral to tell me that I'm a fucking bitch for not being there.

I'm trying not to get too upset since I am pregnant... I've tried to be supportive and understand his grief but this is now getting to be abusive. Is my marriage doomed? If he's done this now, who's to say he won't leave me soon? Who's to say he won't freak out when the baby comes? I'm honestly shell shocked.

Any advice would be welcome :(

The risks have not changed, simply because it’s a funeral.

I’m never one to say this but....

Totally different. This time it’s a man having emotions! Men aren’t equipped for womanly things like emotions and hysteria!

please note the sarcasm

Fuck that guy and his venom

Grief makes people mad. If he hasn’t previously been in any way abusive I would say that you need to be understanding here: he’s not acting in his right mind.

Grief makes people mad. If he hasn’t previously been in any way abusive I would say that you need to be understanding here: he’s not acting in his right mind.

He has a history of being a bad tempered asshole, that even frightens his mother, which you would know if you bothered reading the thread.

@AllTheWhoresOfMalta have you read OP's posts? He has form for having a temper and getting angry. Even his mum describes him as an angry man.

Sorry you’re going through this OP his behaviour can’t be excused. Yourself & the baby come first in this scenario, even more so since you have had lots going on through pregnancy. Also, sorry for your loss of the baby

She's high risk so it is recommend she avoids travelling, not if she travels her baby will die

“High risk” is an understated medical way of saying high risk of the baby fucking dying, what do you think “high risk” is referring to? High risk of a bit of morning sickness? High risk of feeling a bit tired afterwards? FFS

“High risk” is an understated medical way of saying high risk of the baby fucking dying, what do you think “high risk” is referring to? High risk of a bit of morning sickness? High risk of feeling a bit tired afterwards? FFS

This!!

@TigerOnATrain
Yes you are correct, tried to PM you but didn’t go through.

@LovePoppy To be honest this stress that's being caused from OP not going is probably worse than her attending the funeral. I think there's too much happening at once for the both of them they both need each other but it's not so simple is it.

Sorry if I sounded insensitive I just like to think I'd be there for my OH obviously it's completely different once you are the one in the situation.

OP if you have any family around invite someone over for some company and distraction. Sorry for your loss

So let's put it this way.

What if OP's child was severely immunocompromised, but stable and the doctors told her that taking him on a 3 hour train journey and being at the funeral put him at serious risk of catching something that would get him hospitalised or worse. Would she still be selfish,uncaring and not supporting for not taking the child to the funeral?

I would stay at home. I understand that your husband might have needed your support, but that is it. His father has sadly already passed, you cannot help in any way, he is in a better place now (or maybe nowhere), and does not care who attends his funeral. It is just a tradition, for the living, as the dead do not care anymore. And your husband being a father to be should understand the risks and protect the baby, the live that is just starting. That is my opinion. Whatever we do after a person dies does not matter, only while they are alive. As for supporting your husband, I am sure you tried to do so.

I think you should have gone to support him.

@MoonlightMistletoe

....but who do you think is causing the stress?!

He agreed to her staying home, and is now acting out horribly and stressing out his wife.

How on earth are you blaming her for his actions?

@PanicAndRun
I’m betting, yes

I think you should have gone to support him

I think you should bloody well read the OP's posts.

I’d be mindful of his anger when he gets back. He may turn violent.

@CinnabarRed It would be worth it to lose your child at 34 weeks pregnant in order to attend a funeral for a couple of hours. Seriously. Alrighty then

Sorry if I sounded insensitive I just like to think I'd be there for my OH obviously it's completely different once you are the one in the situation.

You don’t sound insensitive, you are being insensitive to a women having a very high risk pregnancy, having lost one of her twins, who has been advised not to travel by her doctor and who is married to a nasty piece of shit with a history of bad temper, that even his own mother is afraid of.

I am so sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself and your baby first of all.

@Chattercino RTFT or STFU. The OP is under midwife's order not to travel for more than one hour and the funeral was four hours away.

This thread and the callous disregard to the OP’s wellbeing and that of her unborn child, in the rush to excuse the abuse and treats from her partner, even after the mother has warned her about her safety, makes me wonder how many of those posters put the rights and happiness of men above those of their children?

Hope you are ok OP and getting some rest / managing to relax as best you can, it's hard but you have done the right thing and you should never feel bad about putting your child first

RTFT or STFU.

And telling somebody to shut the fuck up is better than calling someone a fucking bitch is it?

To be honest this stress that's being caused from OP not going is probably worse than her attending the funeral.

Based on what? Your medical knowledge and knowledge of the op’s physical condition?

Based on wife having a baby, when she had problems before, and based on the passing of father, who he would have liked to have around to see the new born. Not medical knowledge or a crystal ball?