To terminate/put up for adoption because of abusive ex-husband

[RainMinusBow]

Currently 18 weeks' pregnant (much wanted) with fiancé but abusive ex making my life hell. He has 50:50 of our two boys (court enforced) despite years of abuse and coercive control. It still continues and has got a lot worse since he's found out I'm pregnant. Has told our children that the baby is going to be "born a retard" (because of my age) and that boys should just hope and wish that the baby dies. The boys come home "pretending" to stab me and thump me in the stomach.

Ex called today (via son) calling me a pervert and a psycho because I am pregnant.

The abuse never stops.

Nobody helps me.

The only way I can realistically minimise the abuse is to let this baby go. I know it would break my fiancé (his only chance at fatherhood and I'm 39 now) but I can't live like this.

EXCELLENT news! Now go and have that sausage roll!

@RainMinusBow that's amazing news yup you do have a battle ahead but you now have 2 battles your ex and the battle to keep positive and take care of that baby girl growing she gonna need her big brothers.
Will the boys come home this evening ? Surely your ex was given a few words by the judge ?

Brilliant news!!
Now for a tin of soup and some toast.

I am so happy for you OP... you have achieved something once again.

I hope now you will be able to rest and take it easy... yours boys will be so happy to see you. Enjoy your pregnancy and look after yourself and family.

May god bless you and the family

Take care xx

Can u block or divert all emails and texts from him now.

You have no need to communicate if the boys are with you. Send him one final text to confirm next handover arrangements - then block.

You need to take yourself out of punching distance. All communications have to stop.

@RainMinusBow Fabulous news. You’ve put a smile on all our faces! Take some deep breaths. Have something to eat. And enjoy having your sons back and talk to them about your little baby girl too - she’s going to adore her big brothers and they’re going to adore their little sister. They’ll know that’s the truth - not your XH’s rubbish.

@rainminusbow I've been thinking about you all day. Thank you for the update. I could cry real tears of joy for you. Enjoy today's victory but please please still ensure you speak to the MH team on Tuesday, and take real steps towards helping yourself prepare for whatever comes next. All the best! 💐

So youngest back but sadly eldest not yet. Can't really go into much detail on here. Hopefully he'll be back by tomorrow pm. So half happy.

Now you need to take him on. Remember the game (of tormenting you) only stops when it is no longer fun.

Time to go to court to undo 50:50, and to push for a proper settlement.

So happy for you. You are so strong and have fought so hard to protect those boys.

What @screamingladysutch said - you got this! 💪🏼 hope your eldest comes home today too.

Mashed banana
Mashed avocado
Natural live yoghurt

Try to eat one of the above for every day. It doesn't matter if it takes a couple of hours, but just take a teaapoonful every time you're in the kitchen, go to get a drink etc.

Here's something I used to make which is easy to swallow, and doesn't have a huge flavour so it doesn't impact too harshly on you when you're having problems eating.
Liquidise one avocado, two bananas, some milk to loosen the mixture a bit, a little bran if you want. That's probably enough for a couple of breakfasts, maybe 3.
If you have some vanilla icecream you could add a couple of tablespoons of that too.
In fact, this is a very forgiving recipe, you can add almost anything in pretty much any quantity.
Being liquidised, it is very very easy to swallow, take a little every once in a while.
If that fails, call it medicine and force a few mouthfuls down - then give yourself a square of milk chocolate as a reward!

If you can make yourself take some sustenance every day, it will help strengthen you in every way, physically and mentally, and then you're in a much better position to withstand not only what the TurdPrick is doing, but CV itself if it should come to it. (Heaven forbid)

If I’m guessing correctly I’d be worried that your ex has persuaded your oldest son to stay one more night and could be working on him to say that he wants to stay with his dad. No matter what your son says do not let him stay with his dad. You will know that it would be out of fear (or false promises) and ex would try splitting the boys up. That just what I’m reading into the situation x

@Ogham We now have order for police removal if needed.

OP you're so incredible, you may not feel like it but you're immensely strong to be doing everything you're doing. Keep going

Fantastic! I hope this gives you the strength to take care of yourself, you're amazing and your boys and your baby are so lucky to have you

That’s fantastic @RainMinusBow, and if that’s the road you have to go down it’ll look really bad on him going forward. Keep a note of everything.

I hope you are gaining more believe in yourself now. There are lots of YouTube videos from life coaches on confidence, self esteem and positive thinking which might be helpful. It may sound like a load of crap but every little thing does help, bit by bit. I think you’re great by the way x

Stay strong for your kids. All 3 of them 💕

Stay strong...don't let this tucking twat win 😠

Fucking!

Have you managed to eat yet ? Fingers and legs crossed for later x

Just had to stop myself bursting into tears at your good news. Well done!!! So happy for you, bet you gave him a bloody massive hug when you saw him again

@Ogham Aw thank you so much all for your lovely words. I feel far from a good mum right now - eldest says he doesn't want to come home, that I am selfish and that I haven't listened to his wishes. I'm trying to remember it's not him talking but it's so hard.

Youngest literally jumped out of the car and ran to me. I got him in and he burst into tears telling me how much he'd missed me and loves me. And that he's missed my partner and speaking to his grandparents. He's been playing games on his iPad from CBeebies saying he's wanting to show the baby. He has talked about her so much already.

Maybe you need the break hold his dad has.
Sometimes the child needs to remember what he has in his mum, and this time away from you will open his eyes to just how loved he is by you.