Anyone moved in together after a very short time

[caranxy]

Been talking online 6 months. Live 2 hours away. Met up for whole weekend , it was bliss.
He's mentioned me moving in with him (I'm going through divorce so will be leaving the family home soon anyway) I could move away (older kids who don't live with me and I work from home).

Heart says life's too short so go for it, head says whoa really too soon.

Anyone else just knew and took the chance?

It seems ... unwise .... to me. However, if you can extricate yourself easily if things go wrong (you mentioned being able to move in with your mother ... how realistic is this?) then it's not the end of the world. Just don't go sharing finances etc. Make sure you are taking steps to get yourself self-sufficient. Don't get so wrapped up in this guy that you end up agreeing to stupid things.
Also, inadvisable if it's likely to enrage your ex and cause difficulties with the divorce etc.

Moved in with nowDH the day we met, literally! Stayed over and never left again. Don’t regret it a bit and would do it all over again!

I did. Had an online/ long distance relationship for 6 months, which included probably about 12 trips to see each other. Moved in with him after 6 months. Been together 14 years, married 10.

Yes, after 6 months, due to difficult circumstances. Been together for 15 years now.

We had been friends/acquaintances for 5 years beforehand though.

Insanity.

We moved in together after 9 months. We've been married almost 11 years and have two dc now.

People are only talking about him being a potential abuser because this type of person actively seeks out vulnerable women. You may not think you are vulnerable, but talking of moving in with someone after 1 weekend together shouts 'desperate'. He may see you as this which means you are vulnerable.

Why the rush? Just spend time getting to know him and enjoy dating. Learn to enjoy your own company and be financially independent.

You've spent time with him, you know him through friends who know he's not an axe wielding narcissistic, you're not giving up a stable home and marriage and you're not financially dependent on him. Don't invest everything in the relationship. Do it if you are certain you won't settle for anything other than a good relationship. Know who you are and what you want.

In other words, if, after a few weeks you find you are not getting on, you can just leave. You will have lost NOTHING. If you have any doubt that you are not strong enough to walk away if it's not working, then don't do it.

And if you get on well, it's win win. 16 years of misery is a long time.

I've moved in with 2 partners within 6 months.

The first was someone I met online dating and lasted 5 years. He wasn't abusive to me but he wasn't right for me either, I was working no dependants and took a punt. He was devestated when I left him for my currrent partner but he had a lot of mental health issues and needed 'looking after' a lot, the relationship would have fallen apart quickly if we had kids.

Current partner moved into my home after 5 months but I have known him over a decade and spent lots of time together as friends including holidays. We also got engaged and had a baby very quickly but we are very happy and its worked out well so far.

However in the senario you describe I think your bonkers. I spend a lot of time online and have seen so many failed relationships and thats not even people purposly looking such as online dating. You do not get to know someone when just talking online.

yellowallpaper she doesn't know him through friends though - her friend hasn't actually met him.

I gonna do it whatever ... I appreciate your comments but ce la vie

caranxy seriously this isn't a six month relationship, it's someone you've met once.

@caranxy

I'm sure that if there were any serious red flags they would have been noted by your friend and his married friends who know this guy. He isn't a random off the street stranger like people are making out. Ok, you may not know him as well as you will in a few months time, but if you are strong in yourself you will be able to exit with very little lost in the process.

I would only advise against it if you are emotionally on your knees and vulnerable or very young, but if you don't feel any of that applies to you and you are not starry eyed and silly, just go for it. Every relationship is a leap of faith and many slow burners end up disasters. I got married to an abusive nightmare after 2 years, and he only showed his true colours when I was pregnant, so there are never any guarantees of happiness.

Good luck 😊

caranxy under what circumstances did he "mention" you moving in with him?

If you leave aside the risk that he's not who his online personna and one weekend together is designed to lead you to believe he is, is that he's exactly who he says he is...

You have no money and are still mid divorce. He's fairly well off with a good job, owns his own home, has a healthy relationship with his grown up daughter and grandchildren. Perhaps, occasionally, a little bit lonely but not enough so to have left his comfort zone more than once in six months to meet an online girlfriend in person...

Are you sure he really meant it when he "mentioned" you moving in?

Was it perhaps immediately post sex? Or the first time you contacted him after returning home from your one and only weekend together? Or after a few glasses of wine/ beer?

If he didn't actually intended to be taken literally, you may of course terrify him and not see him for dust if you try to put moving in to his house into action. His daughter may well worry that you're a gold digger and try to talk her dad out of it, and given the bare facts from their side he'd be perfectly sensible to take her worries seriously. He has a good relationship with her, you say, and you're just an internet random he's hooked up with once...

What Mrs Miller says. You are naive in the extreme building your whole life on sand. Maybe I’m cynical as you said & your pen pal really is your prince who has come to solve your life.

Yellowallpapers advice is pretty bad tbh, there are hundreds if not thousands of stories on here from people in abusive relationships where friends and family at best dont suspect, and at worst enable the abuse they suffer at the hands of their partner.

Its fine to take a punt OP but you honestly sound like your divorce is making you a bit desperate and thats going to shine like a beacon to a certain type of man, lets hope a decent one got their first.

I did in my first relationship and he turned out to be an abusive twat.

So I left him, bought a place and then fell head over heels in love with my next door neighbour. We moved in very quickly, but into my house, and rented his. I wasn't going to make myself super vulnerable again.

It went much better, and we just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary with our four kids.

I did. I stayed over one night then never really left! We had 20 happy years together so it can work. We only knew each other for a few weeks before moving in.

There are two types of people who are happy to move this fast.

1. Codependents/Self-Love Deficit Disorder/love addicts

Their relationships are everything to them, they fall fast and hard - and quickly enmesh with their fantasy of who their partner is (because they don't know the person when they fall, so they are falling for a fantasy). Sometimes, down to sheer luck, the partner may be something like they imagined.

1. Controllers/Abusers

They fast-forward and love-bomb their victim with the aim of gaining a hold over them as quickly as possible so they can drop the act and get down to the fun business of controlling and abusing.

Healthy people hold onto their hearts and roughly follow the relationship stages outlined by Natalie Lue in her Baggage Reclaim blog/podcast: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/podcast-ep-123-the-5-stages-of-relationships/
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/intensity-isnt-the-same-as-intimacy/

Maybe you will be lucky. Maybe you won't. But I'd really look at what you are doing, because you have not done 'due diligence' in getting to know him. He quite literally could be a serial killer. You are happily risking that.

You'll learn a lot about yourself if you can honestly answer for yourself exactly why you are willing to take such a risk

You are insane! You don't know him at all.

He sounds like my ex. he wanted to move in quickly too - he ended up being a violent psychopath. And you say you have nothing to lose? Don't underestimate the harm that an abusive relaitonship can cause.

We spoke online for 2 weeks and moved in 8 weeks after first day. Wasnt even really a conscious decision, I just never left. That was 6 years ago and we're incredibly happily married.

I would only advise against it if you are emotionally on your knees

which bit didnt you get that she's in the throes of a divorce and when he doesnt text immediately back, she gets deeply worried?

She's on her emotional knees alright.

but cést la vie

There’s no fool like an old fool

Within 6 months of starting a relationship 300 miles apart. Still going strong 6 years on.

Yes, he split with his wife on the Friday we met on the Sunday and I moved in the following Thursday.
It wasn't as clear cut as it reads there were other circumstances.
But 24 years later we are still very happily married.