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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone moved in together after a very short time

168 replies

caranxy · 28/12/2019 06:40

Been talking online 6 months. Live 2 hours away. Met up for whole weekend , it was bliss.
He's mentioned me moving in with him (I'm going through divorce so will be leaving the family home soon anyway) I could move away (older kids who don't live with me and I work from home).

Heart says life's too short so go for it, head says whoa really too soon.

Anyone else just knew and took the chance?

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 28/12/2019 07:46

We did, knew each other 4mths and still together 20 yrs later, go or it!

Weffiepops · 28/12/2019 07:55

Too soon, some relationships turn BAD, I can't get rid of my partner, he's clinging on like a winnit. Spend more time getting to know him first.

AllThatPalaver · 28/12/2019 08:06

Together a short time like 6 months, yes, and I'd say go for it in your situation. But talking online for 6 months met once, no. That's not really together. Not going out and hanging around. Spending the odd night together etc.
That to me sounds like a recipe for disaster. While, you can't really know anyone completely at 6 months, you really don't know them at all in the situation you've described.

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 08:13

I just feel I've got nothing to lose. I can always move to my mums if it doesn't work out

OP posts:
MrsMillerbecameababy · 28/12/2019 08:20

We moved in together quite quickly, (after about 6 months) but we'd been spending every weekend together and been on holiday together, met one another's parents too. We rented together as a deliberate choice rather than move into one of our existing homes.

The issue here caranxy is you're thinking of moving in with your penpal! You've only spent one weekend together! Your "in person" relationship is barely longer than a one night stand.

Why aren't you spending every weekend together if you have no dependent children and are madly, inseparably in love?

Go on a long holiday together and spend more weekends together and meet one another's important people (friends or family) before you move in with him. You don't really know anything about him if everything's been online up til now.

Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2019 08:23

Good luck doing that when he turns out to be an abuser. Moving in with one is a hell of a lot easier than 'just moving out again'. Not worth the risk! They are all lovely in the beginning. Until you are stuck. Even if you have somewhere else to go, you'll be too brainwashed to do it. It doesn't take them long. Don't risk it. There are a lot of them around!

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 08:24

Jeez why is everyone so cynical ?! An abuser ?? Really ??

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2019 08:29

He's met you once and GE's asked you to move in with him. That isn't sane behaviour op.

Cluster b personality disorders make up one in ten of the population. That's not including people who abuse substances ect and become abusive as a result. It isn't a stretch.

MrsMillerbecameababy · 28/12/2019 08:29

caranxy why aren't you spending every weekend together if you only live two hours apart and have no dependent children?

FeigningHorror · 28/12/2019 08:30

Yes, really. There’s a high probability that a man who proposes moving in with a woman he’s met once is either potentially abusive or too stupid to recognise what a bad idea this is.

You don’t know him. You’ve met him once. You’re in the middle of a divorce and still living in the family home.

Elbeagle · 28/12/2019 08:30

An abuser ?? Really ??

The point is that he could be, you have no idea. As you don’t know him. Better to be cynical and safe than overly trusting and unsafe.

MadamBatty · 28/12/2019 08:31

Posters are not cynical they’re realistic. Love bombing is a classic abuser tactic.

You are absolutely mad to move in with somebody you met once for a million reasons.

You’d really uproot your life & if it doesn’t work go back to Mum?

What age are you?

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 08:32

I'm 49

OP posts:
Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 08:33

I am actually seeing him again in a couple of weeks for another weekend... I won't pack my bags just yet then

OP posts:
Namethecat · 28/12/2019 08:33

Chatted online in a December, met end of February. Dated

( long distance ) until May when I moved 150 miles to live with him.) Been together just short of 21 years.

MotherOfAllChristmases · 28/12/2019 08:34

Oh OP.
Posters aren't being mean,
Some horrible people prey on vulnerable women on line. You're going through a divorce.
Don't do it. Please.
If it's meant to be you will feel the same way this time next year won't you?
Also please don't give him any money!
Hope it's the real thing. But please look out for yourself! X

ohwheniknow · 28/12/2019 08:35

You have a lot to lose.

You don't know him. You know his online persona. Anyone can act for an extended period of they have an end game worth it to them.

We're not cynical, you're hopelessly naive.

Has it passed you by how many woman are groomed online by men who pretend to be wonderful until they have control of the woman and then rape and abuse them?

You gonna give up your job too? Move away from your support network?

If you're meant to be and he's really this wonderful then there's no need to rush. People rush you to deny you the chance to make good decisions.

Your life. Fuck it up if you want, but I'm not giving you validation.

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 08:35

@MotherOfAllChristmases thanks 😊
Nah I don't have any money , he's got a good job, own house , grandkids and a daughter he sees regularly x

OP posts:
AllThatPalaver · 28/12/2019 08:36

Jeez why is everyone so cynical ?!

Because you don't know the guy.

Anyway, what's the question? You've already decided to do it anyway so I can't see why you asked for opinions. Or is this one of those "only reply if you agree with me" threads not wanting honest input...

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 08:37

@AllThatPalaver no not at all, I appreciate people's concern . I was really just asking for other feel good stories but I can see there aren't many !

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 28/12/2019 08:37

Wouldnt it be better to get your own place and take it slower... whats the hurry? Really get to know each other first.

Dont do it just because you think it will be easier because if it was a disaster you’d feel devastated. Better to be cautious...

ohwheniknow · 28/12/2019 08:38

People moving in twenty years ago after knowing each other a few months actually knew each other for a few months. The ones it worked out for are still the lucky exceptions. Most wound up broken and traumatised.

You've known this person one weekend.

YouJustDoYou · 28/12/2019 08:38

Op, speaking on the phone and meeting up for a weekend in absolutely no way gives any indication of the kind of man he is.

WBWIFE · 28/12/2019 08:40

Move din after the third date so around 5 days of dating.. Knew him beforehand though for years.

He basically stayed over and never left.

Now been together 3 and a half years and Hve a 2 year old. 6 months pregnant. Have had 3 houses which we have bought and renovated and we're married.

CodenameVillanelle · 28/12/2019 08:40

We are cynical because
A) lots of men ARE abusers and you can't know whether he is based on online chats and one weekend
B) love bombing is an abuser tactic
C) you're very naive and therefore vulnerable to an abuser
D) extricating yourself from an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult and damaging so it's better to try to avoid getting in one by being circumspect and cautious

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