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Original poster

Anyone moved in together after a very short time

168 replies

caranxy · 28/12/2019 06:40

Been talking online 6 months. Live 2 hours away. Met up for whole weekend , it was bliss.
He's mentioned me moving in with him (I'm going through divorce so will be leaving the family home soon anyway) I could move away (older kids who don't live with me and I work from home).

Heart says life's too short so go for it, head says whoa really too soon.

Anyone else just knew and took the chance?

OP posts:
Musti · 28/12/2019 11:17

Yes and regretted it. Like someone said, it progressed the relationship too quickly and I missed red flags because I didn't know him well enough.

OldEvilOwl · 28/12/2019 11:19

My friend knows a married couple who are also friends with my bloke . My friend has been fb friends with my bloke for about 4
years.

What is that supposed to prove? You still don't know him!

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 11:19

I'm just trying to explain things that have been asked

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 28/12/2019 11:19

Six weeks here. But we’d been friends for about 3 years.

He only moved in as he was made redundant and there was no point in him carrying on renting in a town he didn’t work in so he came back to his/our home town. It was meant to be temporary, he never left. That was 20 years ago.

I wouldn’t move in with a bloke I’d met once and him suggesting it is a bit of a red flag.

Familamilam · 28/12/2019 11:24

What have you got to lose by waiting?
What have you got to lose by jumping in and then regretting it?

Make a list of each and I think you will have your answer.

4amWitchingHour · 28/12/2019 11:31

Moved in after 6 months of relationship and having worked together for a year and a half. His suggestion. He was abusive.

Puffyrounded · 28/12/2019 11:35

Yes I moved in with him after 3 months, for practical and financial reasons. I then moved out after 18 months (we were still together I just moved in with my friends as I wanted to). And then we moved into a place together after around 3 years. We were young though (early 20s) so we weren’t really planning or thinking things through very well at this stage.

I think in your situation you should wait.

diveolly · 28/12/2019 11:48

I came on to say we moved in quickly (I moved abroad to live with him after a few dates) but what you're proposing is very silly in my opinion.

1990shopefulftm · 28/12/2019 11:54

We did after 3 months but we did spend most days together in that time as we lived quite close to each other. Got married after nearly 4 years and bought a house together soon after.

Tiredmum100 · 28/12/2019 12:00

I moved in with my dh after about 4 weeks. I moved an hour away. Been together for 11 years and married for nearly 9 so it worked out for us.

Musti · 28/12/2019 12:07

Basically, there is a chance that it will be wonderful but it's better to get to know each other first and see if you're compatible etc rather than jumping in quickly. Enjoy dating and having fun.

Whatisthisfuckery · 28/12/2019 12:11

OP, you’ve spoken to him online for a few months and met him once. He could be anyone. You don’t know the first thing about him. He might be a diamond, he might be a wife beater, he might just be an annoying twat who does your head in, you just don’t know.

I was silly, I saw red flags but I ignored them. I was young and naive and didn’t really understand. You don’t even know this man well enough to have seen any red flags yet.

When I split up with my XH, the abusive one, I was messed up and codependent and I desperately needed somewhere to live. I nearly moved in with my new girlfriend after two months. We didn’t do it, because it would have put a huge strain on a new relationship. We’re still together now after 6.5 years, but they’ve been really hard years for me. I’ve had a lot of stuff to work out in my own mind. After I’d lived alone with my DS for a week or so however, after I’d faced my fear of being alone, I actually realised that I like living as a single person. Me and DP both still live apart now and we have no plans to change that. We still see each other every weekend and any other time we can spend together, but we’re quite happy like that. i think if we lived together now we’d split up pretty quickly, because we both just like our own space.

Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire. It might seem like you’ve nowt to lose at the moment, but it’s quite likely you’ll find yourself in the same situation in the future and you’ll have to face the same fear of being alone all over again. Deal with it now and you’ll be much better for it. When you do live with a partner again it’ll be because you really want to, not just because it seems easier.

Original poster
caranxy · 28/12/2019 12:32

I honestly understand what most of u are saying . And I probably am getting carried away with it all after 15 years of being in an unhappy marriage .

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 28/12/2019 12:37

But your unhappy marriage started well, yes? After a weekend of knowing your ex you probably quite liked him too?

BarbedBloom · 28/12/2019 12:51

3 months in due to long distance, but we had spent a fair bit of time together prior - a few two week breaks. We are now 5 years on and have been married for two years. Obviously I wouldn't have done this had either of us had children, but we didn't. I have also noticed people tend to move faster when they are older and I was 35 and he was 37.

CodenameVillanelle · 28/12/2019 12:58

You lose nothing by waiting. If it's real and he's a good man then he'll still be there in a year.
You potentially lose a lot by rushing.

madcatladyforever · 28/12/2019 13:01

He moved in with me after a week, unfortunately he wasn't what I thought he was and was also a liar.
I had rose tinted glasses on and the marriage did last 2 decades but looking back I didn't know him and wouldn't do the same again.
I was convenient and he used me for 2 decades before I woke up and we got divorced. I'm glad to be rid.

Zzzz19 · 28/12/2019 13:13

I would say it’s too soon and that you need to spend much more time with him. Why is it you that would need to move 2 hrs away from your kids (I accept they are adults and don’t live with you) - does he have younger children?

If you have total freedom to come and go as you please, why not just go there every weekend if he is more tied

firstimemamma · 28/12/2019 13:14

Insane to be considering it, as over 90% of previous posters have rightly pointed out. Talking online and met once is nowhere near enough to consider moving in together.

I moved in with my now fiancé after a year of face-to-face actual dating and even that might be considered quick to some.

Just don't do it.

stellabelle · 28/12/2019 13:15

We were both newly divorced. We talked online for 9 months, I flew to his city, he met me at the airport, we spent the next week in a hotel room without ever leaving. I flew home, he followed a week later and moved in with me. We're married and have been blissfully happy for 15 years. I'd say go for it.

firstimemamma · 28/12/2019 13:20

"I just feel I've got nothing to lose. I can always move to my mums if it doesn't work out"

I'm sorry op but this is incredibly naive. Things to be potentially lost by moving in with someone you've met once:

  • your safety (he could be anyone)
  • your money (he could be anyone)
  • the list could go on! You could also fall out with friends and family who would worry for your safety.

If you like this guy, why not get to know him first.

I hope to god this is a wind up.

YappityYapYap · 28/12/2019 13:27

Me and DH moved in together after 4 months of dating. We saw a lot of each other in that time though. I lived at home with my mum (was 22) and he lived in his own place (he was 25). After 3 months we decided to look for a place together and found one and moved in to it a month later, it was rented.

We got married after 3 years together, bought a house together a month or so after getting married then had our DS after being married for 2 years. 8 years together and married for 5 years, DS is 3

IAmBeatrixKiddo · 28/12/2019 13:29

Get a grip. He sounds like a conman and he's no doubt sensing that you'll go along with anything!

Betterbegoing · 28/12/2019 13:33

Terrible, terrible idea OP. He could literally be anyone. Sure he could be the love of your life but equally, he could be an abusive nightmare. Also I think it’s a massive red flag and not at all the romantic gesture you seem to see it as that he’s even suggested it.
I moved in with ex after 2 months, if that. Whirlwind, he was lovely and charming and gorgeous and I was so happy. Within six months he was beating me quite badly, and shattered my self confidence. I didn’t manage to leave him for another two years. If I’d just waited, and been sensible, I would’ve known him before making that sort of decision.

puppymouse · 28/12/2019 13:36

Moved in with DH about 3 or 4 months after meeting him. His rent was much cheaper than mine, I had money problems and one of his flat mates was giving notice. Just seemed like a good idea. I still had my own room.

That was 16 years ago.

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