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Original poster

Major Xmas dilemma!

590 replies

OdeToDiazepam · 19/12/2019 21:03

What would you do in this situation?

Bf who lives down the road with 2 dc. I have 2 dc too.

He's insistent that I spend Christmas Eve at his, and the night, and Christmas morning.

I have a number of issues with this. He has barely any furniture or stuff as he only recently moved in so the place is bare, dim and cold. The kitchens always a mess, there's bloody puppies as well so it's always a racket and smells.

Also I'd have to move a load of stuff over which I don't want to do, there's not enough chairs, I can't do my usual routine

Also I fear it'll be unfair with the kids as I get my dc a lot more, his dc pick on my youngest and are generally unpleasant at times.

Also I'm having to pay for all the food as he's tight on money, I'm fine with not getting a present but I have to admit it's hard not to feel a little resentful funding masses of Xmas food and drink and dinner'

Tbh I'm miserable every time I'm there atm. Tonight I went over for dinner spent nearly two hours waiting on my own feeling ill in the cold and dark as he had a call to be given dinner massively late and a child's portion so I'm still hungry!

I want to do it at my dads, he can come over for Christmas dinner maybe for a bit on Christmas Eve. I'll be more relaxed I have everything I need and they won't be here too long as it's chaos with 4 kids and I find it very stressful!

There's no solution though I either make him happy but risk having a horrible stressful Christmas as I get really low when I get stressed or I piss him off and have him unhappy at me

OP posts:
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fedup21 · 20/12/2019 17:25

I remember reading your previous post-I thought he sounded like a conman then.

Drum2018 · 20/12/2019 17:28

I'm guessing very little of what he has told you is true. You don't just adopt your friends foster kids, if he had money there is no way he'd still be waiting on it weeks after moving to UK. If he had money in US bank accounts it wouldn't take this long to transfer it. What he was doing with Justin Trudeau is anyone's guess though he's probably photoshopped himself into a photo as part of his grand scam. If his kids look neglected report him to SS. For him to have moved to U.K. after dating you since the summer, expecting you to fund him, move in and play mother to his children, it's really all a bit nuts. Time to block him.

Princessfaffalot · 20/12/2019 17:30

Oh well then if he has pictures of him with Justin Trudeau then he must be genuine.

SandAndSea · 20/12/2019 17:43

He could be the nicest, least scamming person in the world, but we're reading your version of things and it isn't happy. That's the issue here. You're not happy and your needs aren't being met. That's all you need to know.

JKScot4 · 20/12/2019 17:56

Just reading and I’m
a bit lost; he works in the States, has moved here, is a single dad who now has no money?
What age are these kids that he seems to have quiet easily moved to the UK? where were they when he was ‘working’ here in the summer? What does he work as?
You’ve known him months, his wants don’t trump yours or your kids.
Listen to pp BIN HIM he’s a user.

JKScot4 · 20/12/2019 18:00

Just read about the dog!! No way did he pay to fly the dog over, it needs substantial health checks and vaccs to enter the UK. I’d be surprised if he ever lived in the States.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 18:47

He did, I went with him to collect it from Heathrow!

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 18:48

The kids are 10 and 7, they were here for a bit in the holidays at a friends and then with his mum over there, I said he works long distance Its all online and stuff

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 18:50

She flies a lot back and forth with him

OP posts:
LazyDaisey · 20/12/2019 19:44

He flew here with the dog then turned around and flew back to the States. So that sentence alone is thousands of dollars.

But he can’t afford to buy Christmas dinner and that’s why he’s upset you’re not coming to his with the groceries and cooking it.

And he still owes your dad almost a grand.

I now remember your other thread and you never did know how he was able to pass a credit check without having a local job, no local bank account, no way of showing he could steadily afford paying £1200 a month in rent.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 20:01

Yes since I know him he's been back and forth about 4 times

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 20:02

And well yes I know they used a reference agency as they used my contact number for updates, he said they asked for wage slips bank statements etc

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 20:04

I know that he passed the reference check, all I can guess is there's something I don't know about where he's spending a huge and reckless amount of his money, or has huge debts or something although surely a reference check would pick that up

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LazyDaisey · 20/12/2019 20:41

A reference check would include showing his U.K. bank statements where his employer is paying his monthly wage into his account. Having a job in States but having no proof (like a few months of statements) that your current employer is paying your wage into your UK account would not give you a “pass”. You’d be considered high risk and the landlord would be advised to get a UK guarantor.

Also, a US employer wouldn’t just send the salary to a U.K. account. There’s all sorts of tax implications for the US firm- they just wouldn’t.

So best scenario is that he has been wiring himself part of his salary to the U.K. account for some time. Which can’t be true as he’s broke and you’re having to lend him money.

So someone is lying.

JKScot4 · 20/12/2019 21:03

Seriously?often flies a dog back and forward to the UK?
He’s lying and lying about £££.
The dog would have been to a vet prior to travel I think a vet would notice she was ready to pop. What kind of dog? What’s he going to do if pups need vet? At least encourage him to give them to rescue.
I just can’t believe he brought his kids to your work on arrival, he’s probably been living here for the whole time.
Billy Bullshitter for sure.

keepsmiling2015 · 20/12/2019 21:06

Put your children and yourself first, have Christmas at your dad's.

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/12/2019 21:09

I'm also suspicious of the 'working in the US' angle. I think, at best, he is a fantasist, at worst, an outright conman. I suspect the children are his, that he's taken them from an ex with threats and he's set up an elaborate background to stop you suspecting who he really is. Anyone with enough money to fly back and forth across the Atlantic can afford to spay their bitch and not have 'accidental' puppies.

But none of it matters. He's trying to force you into a relationship that isn't right for you.

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 21:10

Like I said I went with him to get the dog from Heathrow he's FaceTimed me from California and I've seen his boarding passes and luggage and plane bag kits etc so that can't be a lie

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 21:12

When he arrived he paid me like 1500 too as needed to use my bank card but that money went very quickly on stuff, mainly the dog

OP posts:
fedup21 · 20/12/2019 21:21

When he arrived he paid me like 1500 too as needed to use my bank card but that money went very quickly on stuff, mainly the dog

He gave you £1500 but you spent most of it on this dog?

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 21:23

No so his cards didn't work over here right, he said there were blocks and stuff so he wanted to use my bank card so he transferred me this money but it wasn't a gift for me it was spent on lots of stuff so about 700 on the dog all in all for vets and boarding etc, deposit, food, stuff like that

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Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 21:24

None of it went to me at all, and then when it ran out which was pretty quick then I had to pay for stuff and he said he'd pay me back, but like my dad what was initially just a couple days and we'd be paid back it stretched to weeks and my dad is still owed, he's had some money come in but not enough to cover it all and not a lot left for himself

OP posts:
fedup21 · 20/12/2019 21:26

How much money does he owe you and your dad?

Who is paying for the property he’s living in?

Original poster
OdeToDiazepam · 20/12/2019 21:32

He owes my dad 900 still

He's the sole tenant on the property so him, and it's due on the 24th so I have no idea if it's going to be paid or not

OP posts:
PennyRoyal · 20/12/2019 21:34

He's a story teller OP.
Run.
And don't look back.

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