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Original poster

SIL and her Dog hijack Christmas

262 replies

Ventatron · 17/12/2019 09:20

Okay this is partly a vent, but also a 'what the hell do I do next'? question. Xmas Confused

My SIL is single, and childless and doesn't have any close friends. Last year she decided to buy a retriever puppy which as you can imagine, means the world to her. She brought it with her to stay over last Christmas. It was about 6 months old when it came and understandably, very puppy like, but my SIL imposed all these rules on us, in our own house about what we could and couldn't do - because of the puppy. We had to talk quietly, kids mustn't run, nobody was allowed to eat chocolate in case the dog got it, toys must be off the floor, we weren't allowed to sit on the floor because we must remain 'above the dog - all this at Christmas. She also wanted to sleep in the living room on the sofa with the dog because the dog doesn't 'do' stairs and when the kids came in a 6am to open presents she put the blanket over her head and asked when we would be finished.
Now the dog is twice the size and if you sit down on the couch, he sticks his nose in your face, and as she doesn't put him in his bed or wherever while we eat dinner he breathes on you while you're eating. He's always under foot, always restless and bored - poor thing - and he has a very loud and unpredictable bark. So this year, I said, if the dog comes to Christmas, it has to stay in the hall, knowing the would mean she would not stay the night - and I think that's best too - the dog doesn't want to be here and we don't want him here. The feeling is mutual. It's only her who wants to bring him. But this has unleashed a huge problem. We've had calls from relatives, 'why isn't SIL allowed to come to Christmas?' We confirm she is, but the dog has to stay in the hall. We say we're going dog free due to hair and mess etc (the easy answer) .… 'but your neighbour was allowed in with his dog!' And he was and the reason is simple, when his (smaller) dog comes over, he has a fuss and then sleeps in the corner. He's no trouble.

So yes, the issue is two fold, it's about being made uncomfortable by the dog AND about her ordering us around in our own home. The kids are also not huge fans of the dog as they are both under four and have cried at his barking.

But SIL has made such a big deal out of this that my husband wants me to just 'get over it' but he's not the one hostessing and cooking and 'doing' Christmas.

So the idea of her not coming for Christmas was - well - okay with me. But now she says, she is coming to Christmas, without he dog, and that she won't speak to me while she's here. 'Okay, then I won't make her any Christmas dinner'. was my reply but my husband's shoulders went up to his ears. He is so stressed now, I don't want to make it worst. Any advice?

OP posts:
Noti23 · 17/12/2019 10:33

Your husband needs to be backing you up. She’s acting like a child- no wonder she doesn’t have a partner or close friends. Imagine someone offers to have you for Xmas dinner and then you proclaim you’ll ignore the host! Spoilt brat. I don’t see why she’s your problem.

Who are these people asking why SIL isn’t invited for dinner? Can’t they have her?

MotherofTerriers · 17/12/2019 10:33

It's your kids Christmas. Don't let her spoil it. No chocolate! No sitting on the floor! Your house your rules
Let her come without the dog. Speak politely to her and if she ignores you it will be obvious how rude she is being. It will be obvious to your husband too

Stegosaurus1990 · 17/12/2019 10:35

I love my dog, but he is an excitable menace at family dos. So he either stays at home or if it’s too long I’ll keep him separate whilst we eat. YANBU at all!

whonoes · 17/12/2019 10:35

Your SIL is the way she is because nobody has ever stood up to her. That includes your husband. She needs to learn gratitude and manners. She’s behaving disgustingly and it’s no wonder she doesn’t have any friends! Stick to your guns. I think the message that fraglesrock wrote is perfect.

TitianaTitsling · 17/12/2019 10:37

Agree with pp- the relatives berating you, why don't they have her over for Christmas?!

finn1020 · 17/12/2019 10:42

SIL is behaving like a bratty child. Your house, your rules, and your husband needs to tell his sister to suck it up or not come.

I have a dog, she has the run of the house but I’d never dream of taking her inside anyone else’s home. And I would be pretty annoyed if someone else wanted their dog inside my home. That’s crossing boundaries and bad manners.

steppemum · 17/12/2019 10:43

I agree with the - your dog is welcome, but our house rules are these... and then lay out your rules.

I have a dog.
we take our dog to my relatives over Christmas.
the first thing we do is get up early and giev the dog a long (over an hour) walk with lots of running, so he is tired and calm for the rest of the day.
The next thing we do, is that one of us is on dog duty all the time, dog sitting next to us, or in the corner in his bed, or under my feet attached to a lead. (this is partly because they have cats)
Dog is not allowed in the kitchen, and not allowed upstairs.
We see it as our job to make sure the dog doesn't interfere with anyone else, and is out fo the way and calm.

if your SIL dog is restless, he hasn't been walked enough, tell her to get uo early and walk him before she comes

Noti23 · 17/12/2019 10:46

I’ve just read the part where she states you should put your children in the crate instead of the dog Shock

I’ve heard people make jokes like this before and I take it with good humour but considering everything else she’s done it says a lot about her mentality.

bigbowloficecream · 17/12/2019 10:50

Well if she doesn't want to go and behave herself she'll have to stay at home with her doggy pal. Stick to your guns OP

Thedeadwood · 17/12/2019 10:52

I’m another one saying your SIL and your DH are both being utter dicks. And I say that as an official dog nut. I would never dream of bringing my dog to someone else’s and dictating the rules like that.

mindutopia · 17/12/2019 10:55

I assume your SIL must work? So she surely leaves the dog for periods of time regularly. Dog will be fine at home if she wants to join you for Christmas. If she wants the responsibility of having a dog, she has to accept that responsibility and not jump dump it in someone else’s house for the day. She can stay home with the dog if he isn’t able to be left. There’s no way I’d be having a random, untrained loud dog over on Christmas or any other day.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 17/12/2019 10:55

I'd suggest that this year she spend Christmas with those relatives who are calling you. Don't back down Op. If she is going to ignore you, then she doesn't set foot over the threshold. I think she should leave her dog at home, come for Christmas lunch and then bugger off home to the dog.

MomofTeen · 17/12/2019 10:59

I love dogs got 2 my self but no way would I allow my sil to dictate my Christmas over her dog , I would actually tell her to leave it at home if she not happy with understanding your day dont revolve around her dog .
This is your home so tell her its hall or nothing and tell ya hubby to grow a pair and stick up for u .
Christmas only happens once year dont let her spoil it .

Bloomburger · 17/12/2019 11:00

Dear SIL
Dog is not welcome and if you can't be civil whilst taking advantage of my hospitality neither are you.
Kind regards

Branleuse · 17/12/2019 11:01

Tell her that well trained dogs are welcome, and last year was leeway because he was a puppy, but hes too big and boisterous now and she can only bring him if she crates him

DecemberSnow · 17/12/2019 11:03

Your downfall was listening to her pathetic rules last year

If she isnt going to talk yo you, she doesnt come.

How is your husband allowing this shit from his family

mynameiscalypso · 17/12/2019 11:06

I'd love it if my SIL came but didn't talk to me. But in your situation, I think I'd kill her with kindness and be super sweet to her while she refuses to talk to you and watch her squirm.

DecemberSnow · 17/12/2019 11:07

She lives half an hour away.

She can come for dinner and be polite or stay at home alone or how about she has a dinner with the other relatives that are so kindly ringing you up about her....

PuppyMonkey · 17/12/2019 11:11

I agree that the dog should not dictate Christmas and you’re entirely within your rights to stipulate he should not come or stay in the hall etc, OP.

Just to give some perspective, I too have a golden retriever who was six months last Christmas and is now 18 months. And nowadays, he’d be quite happy snoozing all day in a hall, maybe give him a bone, take him out for a walk or a run around the garden, let him go back to snoozing etc etc. He’s not a puppy any more, is what I’m saying. Quite easy to look after and not bothered so much about messing about like a six month old puppy.

No need for the SIL to sleep with him all nigh, just leave him in the hall - he’ll be dead to the world.Confused

carly2803 · 17/12/2019 11:15

eugh i have dogs, i hate other peoples unruly dogs in my house!

my dogs are well behaved, no sofas, no nicking food etc - i would not stand for her stupid rules

your house, your rules - if she dosent like it tell her to leave the dog at home? or in the hall? or just stay home!?

Blondebakingmumma · 17/12/2019 11:17

Christmas Day if she is giving you the cold shoulder. When it’s time for dinner chime in with

“DSis would you like something to eat?”

No response

“I take that as a no then!”

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/12/2019 11:23

he's not the one hostessing and cooking and 'doing' Christmas

So, he sits on his arse all day why you run around?

I'd tell him to go to his sister's house for Christmas Day in that case. And you can have a chilled day with the kids.

Your SIL has no manners and it doesn't sound as if she has bothered training the dog properly either. Poor pup.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/12/2019 11:24

There is good reason why his sister has no friends.

Why is your husband so afraid of his sister and for that matter the flying monkeys (the well meaning but easily manipulated people who phoned you asking why she was not coming for Christmas). What was it like for your DH in terms of his childhood, it could well be that he was bullied by her and otherwise conditioned by their parents to put up and shut up. This may well be why he is unable and unwilling to assert his own self and in turn you people now.

I would not have his sister over under any circumstances particularly if she is not going to talk to you. You were walked over last year and did not properly assert your own boundaries, do not do the same this year.

Arthritica · 17/12/2019 11:26

Don't be petty about feeding her, just stand firm.

"SIL, you are welcome but your dog disrupted our Christmas last year. We're not having a repeat of that this year. Therefore please agree to shut him in the hall or leave him at home and come to us in time for the meal.'

dottiedodah · 17/12/2019 11:31

Well for starters she should have gone to puppy classes.I adore dogs but this is ludicrous.! I think many men just want a quiet life ,and dont want to make any ripples ,but this is not fair on you .Can you not suggest a crate at all ? If she only lives 30 mins away can she not pop back to doggy?.As for not speaking to you she is being stupid .Our dog has never been to anyones house, even though she is quiet and well behaved .As it simply would not occur to me to take a 4 stone dally with me !Do you think SIL is using the dog as a child substitute? If she is 31 and childless this seems to be the case.

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