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Original poster

SIL and her Dog hijack Christmas

262 replies

Ventatron · 17/12/2019 09:20

Okay this is partly a vent, but also a 'what the hell do I do next'? question. Xmas Confused

My SIL is single, and childless and doesn't have any close friends. Last year she decided to buy a retriever puppy which as you can imagine, means the world to her. She brought it with her to stay over last Christmas. It was about 6 months old when it came and understandably, very puppy like, but my SIL imposed all these rules on us, in our own house about what we could and couldn't do - because of the puppy. We had to talk quietly, kids mustn't run, nobody was allowed to eat chocolate in case the dog got it, toys must be off the floor, we weren't allowed to sit on the floor because we must remain 'above the dog - all this at Christmas. She also wanted to sleep in the living room on the sofa with the dog because the dog doesn't 'do' stairs and when the kids came in a 6am to open presents she put the blanket over her head and asked when we would be finished.
Now the dog is twice the size and if you sit down on the couch, he sticks his nose in your face, and as she doesn't put him in his bed or wherever while we eat dinner he breathes on you while you're eating. He's always under foot, always restless and bored - poor thing - and he has a very loud and unpredictable bark. So this year, I said, if the dog comes to Christmas, it has to stay in the hall, knowing the would mean she would not stay the night - and I think that's best too - the dog doesn't want to be here and we don't want him here. The feeling is mutual. It's only her who wants to bring him. But this has unleashed a huge problem. We've had calls from relatives, 'why isn't SIL allowed to come to Christmas?' We confirm she is, but the dog has to stay in the hall. We say we're going dog free due to hair and mess etc (the easy answer) .… 'but your neighbour was allowed in with his dog!' And he was and the reason is simple, when his (smaller) dog comes over, he has a fuss and then sleeps in the corner. He's no trouble.

So yes, the issue is two fold, it's about being made uncomfortable by the dog AND about her ordering us around in our own home. The kids are also not huge fans of the dog as they are both under four and have cried at his barking.

But SIL has made such a big deal out of this that my husband wants me to just 'get over it' but he's not the one hostessing and cooking and 'doing' Christmas.

So the idea of her not coming for Christmas was - well - okay with me. But now she says, she is coming to Christmas, without he dog, and that she won't speak to me while she's here. 'Okay, then I won't make her any Christmas dinner'. was my reply but my husband's shoulders went up to his ears. He is so stressed now, I don't want to make it worst. Any advice?

OP posts:
IdiotInDisguise · 18/12/2019 20:28

Is it sorted?

Any chance you and your kids can go to your parents and let DH, SIL and dog enjoying their own Christmas? (I would make sure the fridge is empty before I left)

MotherOfSoupDragons · 18/12/2019 20:33

If someone refused to speak to me as I hosted Christmas in my own home, they'd be wearing their Christmas dinner. I really don't think I could keep my cool.

Tistheseason17 · 18/12/2019 20:39

I would not be letting her in and if DH does not like it he can do over to hers without you and the kids and leave you to enjoy the day!
She's a petulant child

Nomorechickens · 18/12/2019 21:24

She wouldn't let the kids sit on the floor because people have to be higher than dogs? She has read a book on the pack theory of dog training (based on a single non-typical family of captive wolves). Get her a behavourist-based book on dog training for Christmas (eg Don't Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor) and maybe she will train her dog in time to visit next Christmas.

nicky7654 · 18/12/2019 21:59

I can't say anything as my two dogs are my world but I do make sure they are well behaved. I took them to my daughters last Xmas and they were no trouble. Long afternoon walk with family is perfect for everyone.

nicky7654 · 18/12/2019 22:04

@Ihaventgottimeforthis
What a lovely idea. Xmas day walks are the best!! X

smilingontheinside · 18/12/2019 22:16

I'd invite the dog and not sil. The more I read about people the more I prefer animals. No way would I have someone in my home who tells me what to do or how to behave while Im in it, she wouldn't be invited this Christmas or any other Christmas.

Harls1969 · 18/12/2019 22:24

She's a CF. I mean who just expects it to be ok to take their dog to someone's house anyway? Go to the RSPCA or CPL and get a rescue cat. "Sorry, you can't bring your dog, the cat would hate it!" Anyway, it's your house, your rules. Maybe she should host Christmas instead

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 18/12/2019 22:35

Your DH is being a dick. You are not angry enough at him.

Jux · 18/12/2019 22:44

Email to all relatives:

Dear all, thought I'd just clear up the misunderstanding vis a vis SIL and Christmas this year. Due to her dog's lack of training and him thus spoiling Christmas for our children, and to an extent us too, we have said the dog must stay in the hall. SIL has said this is unacceptable, that therefore she will come without the dog but will not speak to me; she will however eat the food I cook, so all's good.

Happy Xmas
Love xx

WhoTheFuckIsGail · 18/12/2019 22:48

Pathetic woman. Tell her her and her sodding dog can spend Christmas at home. I would never have someone there who was so rude to me in my own home.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 18/12/2019 22:56

The fucking cheek to come to your house and not speak to you! My sister did this to me, she won't be doing it again....

Daddylonglegs1965 · 18/12/2019 23:15

We have a golden retriever (a big hairy dog) he doesn’t bark, doesn’t go on the furniture or upstairs. But he is lovely natured and likes to be fussed over then he settles down and sleeps a lot in our house we have never taken him to anyone else’s house. He casts a lot and slavers a lot. I wouldn’t dream of taking him to anyone else’s house as he does make a mess (with dog hair and dog slaver). I also wouldn’t dream he would automatically be invited and try to dominate how others behaved to accommodate our dog!!! Especially children and Christmas is really for the children. When our children were little quite a few of their friends were scared of him at first because he is big and because they weren’t used to dogs. So when they visited we put him in the crate so the children’s friends felt comfortable (on short visits). SIL needs to grow up she can get up off her backside early on take the dog out on a long Walk first thing to tire him out then put him in a crate and come to you for 4 hours (or 3 including the half hour drive each way) then she can go home back to her dog. By the sounds of it that will be more than enough time spent in her company anyway.

Cornishclio · 18/12/2019 23:18

My goodness I like animals as much as anybody but running your Christmas around a dog is ridiculous. If SIL only lives 30 minutes away surely she can leave him while she has lunch then go back. I would be telling your PIL and SIL that they are welcome but the dog damaged your floor last time and scared your children so he can't come. I certainly would not cook for her if she ignores you. Tell her not to bother coming if she is going to be rude.

PigeonInTheLoft · 19/12/2019 07:26

Sorry NRTFT but wanted to say you're not alone. We have a childless relative who adopted a rescue. It's her substitute child, its spoilt, babied and treated like a human. As a result it believes its head of the pack and attacks anyone it feels is a threat to its dominance. It barks, growls and bites. Its left our DD with a dog phobia.

It also attacks other dogs when it's being walked.

Relative WILL NOT admit the dog is dangerous and that it's her pampering that's caused it. Its everyone else's fault.

All other relatives pander to her, allow her to keep bringing the dog to their homes and family occasions to cause havoc, as they feel sorry for her because she has no kids. "But it's her baby though, just it"

However, I put a stop to being anywhere near the bloody thing. We don't go anywhere if that dog is there. It doesn't come to my home and we don't go to hers. Until she trains and treats it as a dog who knows its place in the pack we can't risk it being near our kids.

I'm apparently a controlling animal-hating bitch for it. But I don't care.

OP, it's your home and your family. If she wants to be part of your xmas celebrations she goes by your rules. Threatening to not speak to you while you host her is disgustingly rude and an insult to your hospitality. I would ban her, never mind the dog!

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 19/12/2019 08:32

We have four dogs and I prefer to take them with me wherever we go - but if someone doesn't want them in their house, I respect that!

I mean, why wouldn't I? This is their home - they may have chosen not to have any pets themselves, so why should they have mine inflicted on them

And I would add that our dogs are very well-behaved. I believe that all dogs (and children, for that matter) need to be taught good manners from the very beginning. That way, they will be welcome in public.

If you don't teach them to behave, you are doing them no favours at all (and that applies to both dogs and children, too).

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 19/12/2019 08:41

She wouldn't let the kids sit on the floor because people have to be higher than dogs?

Agree with Chickens. This is an outdated theory which has done more harm than good. She's probably still on the "pretend to eat out of the dog bowl to show the food is yours if you want it" track.

I also rather liked (if I might say so) that she at first refused to come to your home OP, and then decided that she would come, but wouldn't speak to you. How very generous and gracious of her! I'd tell her she doesn't need to do me any favours - she can sit at home and pull a cracker with the dog.

(And from the dog's perspective, it will be a LOT better and happier left for a few hours at home, than stuck in a frantic noisy Christmas-celebration household with children running about, and people having to step over it every five minutes. For an animal which isn't used to a busy home, this will be a nightmare.)

Thehagonthehillwithtinsel · 19/12/2019 09:05

Why is she staying overnight in f she lives so near?Just invite her over for Christmas diner,the dog stays in the hall.Also tell her that the dog has to fit your in with the family not the other way around so toys,chocolate etc will not he put away as she is responsible for her dogs actions.

icannotremember · 19/12/2019 09:18

Christ alive, I'd tell her to stay away and my dh to go join her if he really thinks everyone should be ruled by her wants.

Kisskiss · 19/12/2019 09:25

I have a dog and we try to bring her with us whenever we go anywhere, but we also don’t take for granted that everybody will love her and we are grateful if they say yes and we follow their rules!!!!
Your SIL sounds really rude, she’s coming to your house, will be eating your food, but won’t speak to you??? How old is she, 10?!?

HuggedTrees · 19/12/2019 09:26

@FraglesRock message on the first page is good to send.
Like fuck would anyone be coming to Christmas who has told me they won’t be speaking to me!

ginghamstarfish · 19/12/2019 09:56

A PP stated that leaving a dog in a hall while people eat is 'cruel' .... FFS get a grip. As for the SIL, what an entitled brat. She wouldn't be crossing my threshold, with or without said dog. Let the other moany relatives take her.

Aglet · 19/12/2019 10:08

My first thought on reading this was, who the f---- does she think she is ? Tell your DH to grow some and be on your side.

Middersweekly · 19/12/2019 10:16

I have 6 dogs and would not bring them to someone else’s house for dinner simply because I wouldn’t impose my pets on other people. They are small/ tiny dogs and would be sat at your feet looking for scraps from the dinner table. They don’t dribble but they are naturally greedy like most dogs.
TBH the dog sounds less of a problem than the SIL so tell her the dogs invited but she isn’t!

justilou1 · 19/12/2019 10:40

I have a dog who is big and stupid. She is probably inbred and she is pretty much an arsehole. We love her, and we understand her. We don’t inflict her and her neuroses on everyone else, though. If someone decided to bring their little, hairy darling into our house, it would be at their own risk. I am pretty sure our dog would kill it. (She is petrified of other dogs.) We don’t drag her around to other people’s places. She would be miserable and potentially dangerous. We are responsible dog owners. (We lock her up on an enclosed verandah when we have visitors, where she is as happy as a lark. She can see who’s here, get involved in the conversation, but can’t come in.)

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